garden
- Date posted
- 4y
stop.stop.
- Date posted
- 4y
Femininity is a social construct. You don’t need to worry about not being feminine enough. That’s just another thing that holds up those boxes women are forced into. Just be yourself. Don’t ruminate on all this stuff. I see that you really struggle with trying to be what in your mind is this image of a perfect, supportive woman and just this model of perfect feminism, but the reality is no one is perfect with that. We all struggle. And we are all very different as we should be. We shouldn’t try to assimilate into one thing in order to feel more feminine or feminist. You can be different and still be that woman you want to. Some people just struggle making friends with people of the same sex/or gender. Sometimes it’s insecurity, sometimes it’s childhood trauma, sometimes it’s just reflective of who we are comfortable with. Nothing to be ashamed of. If it’s something you really wanna fix, then go for it but if it’s something your OCD is blowing out of proportion then you need to try to let it go. I feel like you struggle with the morality behind not being this perfect woman who’s supportive and has strong female relationships and whatever. All of those things are great to strive for, but it shouldnt be this anxiety inducing or stressful. That’s your OCD.
garden garden
- Date posted
- 4y
It’s definitely a morality thing for me. And an insecurity thing. Which then brings on a ton of shame. I just wish I could be free of all of that and enjoy my life. And I want to feel close to other women without any shitty feelings. My OCD is definitely blowing things out of proportion but deep down I know I have to feel better in myself and I just don’t know how to
garden garden
- Date posted
- 4y
It just feels really embarrassing to have insecurity be something stopping me I think
stop.stop.
- Date posted
- 4y
@garden So many people have insecurity and it stops us from being or doing what we want to do. It’s nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about. You’re not bad person for being insecure. It’s something to work on and get better with, but you’re not a bad person. Your femininity is not based on how supportive you are of other women. That’s more of a social thing with feminism. That femininity you’re referring to is more of an aesthetic and an inner sense of being feminine. So what you are struggling with rn with your insecurity doesn’t make you less feminine. Idk if you are feeling this pressure to be more supportive because it’s becoming more of a thing now for women to be more supportive of other women. I know I have, but regardless it shouldn’t be pressuring for you. It should be more relaxed. You shouldn’t let what’s going on in the outside world cause so much pressure and distress on you. Sometimes you need to step back and say “okay this is an area I want to improve in but I’m not gonna be hard on myself about it. It doesn’t make me a bad person and I shouldn’t let what people say about it pressure me or make me feel bad.” It’s easy to feel like shit for the smallest things when there’s an entire world telling you what to do. You gotta ground yourself.
garden garden
- Date posted
- 4y
@stop. Thanks. That was the perfect advice honestly. It should be a sort of development process... not me getting mad and anxious with myself and then letting shame take over. Because that’s counter productive. I feel like a lot of this seeps into my fears of being a bad person (which you’ve recognised!) and I have the mindset that envious + insecurity = evil. My ‘role’ as woman can pick on this in terms of ocd because there’s a ton to work on there too. But the core of it is always about being a bad person
stop.stop.
- Date posted
- 4y
@garden Great! I’m glad it helped. I was only able to recognize because I was in a similar space before. It’s all good!
garden garden
- Date posted
- 4y
@stop. Thanks :)
rootytootyrootytooty
- Date posted
- 4y
Do you worry about not being feminine enough because of something internal? Or is someone outside of you shaming you? I can relate to this experience a little bit. But I think figuring out where this feeling is coming from could help you work through it
garden garden
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you. And yeah, I think I just worry I’m not feminine enough. But beyond that, I worry I hold views that are like ‘stopping me’ from being the person I wanna be
garden garden
- Date posted
- 4y
I find women endearing and I wanna be confident and make others confident. It feels good to stand together but yeah it just brings a lot of anxiety when I can’t
therealrealsarahtherealreals...
- Date posted
- 4y
Fellow not-feminine-enough feeling person here. We women benefit as a whole from having a diverse range of personalities and types of people! You don't have to be an ultra-girly wear-pink 24/7-nurturing person to be 'feminine enough'. Not sure how old you are but I've found that as I get older it matters less and less how girly you are-it gets easier to connect to more people.
therealrealsarahtherealreals...
- Date posted
- 4y
Growing into my own brand of 'feminine' has been a great experience and one I treasure- maybe you can view it that way! Either way just wanted to let you know you aren't alone!
garden garden
- Date posted
- 4y
Thanks so much. I don’t think I necessarily wanna be super girly and stuff. It’s more the meaning behind it for me? Like I wanna support women and stand with them and feel a part of it I think :)
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