How do you deal w the constant thought or doubt that this is all made up? Like what if my therapist is wrong? What if she’s telling me that I am my true when I am present and mindful, but she’s just saying that? For example, I just started feeling better. I think I feel more like myself. What if this isn’t myself though? What if I’m just another version of my ocd self? What if I’m lying to myself?! Does that make sense? Do I just deal w the uncertainty? Does anyone have a good exposure they do? Or a good statement, maybe something a little more specific than “maybe, maybe not”

Hey, there! Very good observation. This means you're too smart for yourself! 😉 In my experience, this means that you are on the right track because you are clearly seeing a split between you and your OCD. Some us are a bit unlucky and it's harder for us to see that distinction (that's why false memories, false attractions, false arousal or false feelings are so strong to many of us with OCD). My advice is to be compassionate with yourself. You are clearly doing the exposures and finding peace in them. The bottom line is that no matter what anyone tells you, your OCD will ultimately find a way to twist it. That's why reassurance is not helpful in the long run. A good exposure for yourself is to be yourself with confidence. What I mean by this is to force yourself to have a good day. You're being too hard on yourself with zero reward. Give yourself an honest break. Choose to feel good today, even though the OCD wants to suck you in and take you hostage again. If you give yourself confidence (no matter what terrible subtype you are experiencing), you will feel much better in the long run. Dealing with the uncertainty is very vague and a lot of us have tons of issues with this. We preach exposures, exposures, exposures! But we are really lacking the response and prevention aspect. You are ruminating constantly in this moment. You feel disconnected, awkward, doubtful, uncertain, etc. This is good, it means you can practice response and prevention. Let's say your subtype is relationship OCD (I'm just picking it at random). Your job isn't to obsess over the thoughts, or pick at the thoughts like scabs, or think of scenarios in your head, or worry about the outcome of things. Your job is to simply STOP searching for an answer. Your job is not to seek reassurance or wonder if it's true or try to find a way out. I repeat: Your only job is to NOT find an answer. Though it sounds strange, this is what we mean by "maybe I am, maybe I'm not." We mean to stop seeking for an answer, because inevitably, there is none. You are the same person you were before this started. You will end up being the same person again. Meanwhile, your job right now is to NOT FIND AN ANSWER. You can do anything else you want to. You can call a friend, watch TV, do your homework or go to work. But you cannot, and will not, find an answer. When a thought pops up, tell it simply "I acknowledge you. You feel real to me. But I will not dig into you any further. I will let you be." And if the thought comes back, that's good! That means you were able to keep it away for a little while. Keep practicing it. You'll slowly see improvements. Good luck and much peace and love to you :)

This is my favorite article on this topic: https://ocdla.com/doubt-denial-ocd-5342