was feeling a lot better today and then my friend sent me something that made me feel so much worse wheeeew

sure!! it rlly sucks when it triggers bc of something someone u know says

@piiper Yes it is 😭

@RaeStruggles maybe its just me but theres this little part of me thats angry because now i have to do this shit AGAINNN even though theres no possible way i can be mad at the person bc its not at all their fault all of this just SUCKS

@piiper No it’s definitely not just you. My husband knows about my triggers, my friends don’t. While it was a mistake, he still knows how bad I get after it. Like one end I can’t totally blame him but a part of me is so angry for it. So I’m trying to do all the recovery work AGAIN over the same crap just from a phrase he said. My trigger was related to my real event side of OCD. Can I ask broadly what the trigger was for you?

@RaeStruggles YEAH its real event based for me too. ive got this weird mix of real event/moral scrupulosity i hate it so much lmfao

@piiper DUDE me too. It’s the worst feeling ever. I made mistakes in my past, things I deeply regret now. I don’t know how I can cope with this guilt. It’s pushed me to my breaking point. It makes me want to confess, check and worse. In a lot of ways, I believe deserve to be punished with the pain I feel now. Do you ever feel this way?

@RaeStruggles YES SO MUCH AAGAHH i confessed a lot of the things to my mom when they first started and she was like. 'what in the hell are you talking about youre not bad at all? thats just stupid early teen shit' but it still feels world ending, not to mention the stuff i havent told her. it so feels like i deserve to be punished for this stuff especially because i was super active in online spaces that r firm about people facing accountability for stuff even if it was a while ago (which i agree with to an extent but its nuanced so you know) so it feels like im not even facing ENOUGH??

@piiper YES!! Ugh it’s like when you do confess people don’t even care. But your so afraid to do it and it makes you sick to your stomach just to hear “oh, that wasn’t a big deal”. It makes me doubt myself though. How do I know what’s worth confessing and what isn’t? I feel like I don’t know anymore 😰

@RaeStruggles god yeah. my brain has just been exaggerating like every mistake ive ever made its horrible. literally stuff i did under the age of like 12 is making me super uneasy it suuucks. knowing its better to not confess has rlly helped though, even if i wanna get it off my chest. going through this all tho has kinda opened my eyes to how unfriendly internet spaces ive been around are to mentally ill people like wow.

@piiper Yes the urge to wipe the slate clean is so strong but then there comes something else to confess and the cycle continues. Dude I stopped going on social media and talking to people about my condition who don’t understand. Idk about you, but it’s too painful for me to hear harsh words about OCD. Like “just get over it” or “well everyone is alittle OCD”. People really don’t understand how awful it is 😰

@RaeStruggles oh god yes the way people just blow off ocd is unreal. you really dont see media a lot that portrays it realistically either (the only one i can say ive seen is turtles all the way down but its been a few years and also its a john green book so its probably inaccurate in SOME way) so that just adds even more to people commodifiying it. i remember when i was a kid i saw this like... mug or whatever in a catalogue that said smth like 'i have add, adhd, and ocd: things have to be perfect, but not for long' this has been going on for AGESS. ppl are all about caring for ppl who are mentally ill/neurodivergent until it's unnapealing in some way so then they have to like... cute-ify it or make it palatable it sucks.

yeah this app rlly helps. i don't feel trapped bc of the stuff i would never vent to my friends abt on here. im glad its here