I have this new obsession of worrying if I’m subconsciously sexualizing women. I consider myself a feminist and and ally of women. My OCD has made me scared of objectifying women so much that I avoid looking at them now. If a women crosses my field of view I get anxious and worry if I was looking at them inappropriately. I also have a fiancé so it also makes me feel like I’m being unfaithful.

Dyingswan

Date posted: 4y

Thank you for sharing it in this space. It's crucial that you have already realized that is something you can't control and it's not your fault. It's all a scam of OCD, you WILL get over that anxiety. Breathe deeply. Sending you light and strenght!

Just another...

Date posted: 4y

Thank you so much for you reply and support I truly appreciate it

Terminus

Date posted: 4y

All straight or bisexual men subconsciously sexualize women. Males have one biological purpose in life and that is to impregnate women. It's coded in male dna and can't be changed no matter what you do so try not to stress about it. It's coded there for the survival of our species. The fact ocd is latching onto this shows that you really care about this subject and respect women. The behavior you are describing is like many other cases of this nature. I read a story about a priest going through a very similar thing as you. Humans are attracted to other people despite their mate and this is also coded in biology. It's also there for survival. We as a society adopted marriage to show commitment and how we care about our significant other above primal urges to impregnate as many women as possible and be impregnated by a strong mate as long as fertile. The fact you are bothered of POSSIBLY being attracted to women despite your fiancee shows you are in fact very faithful. I hope this helps buddy

Just another...

Date posted: 4y

Thank you for your reply but This actually triggered me more. I don’t think women are to be seen as an object or as something to impregnate. I think women are human beings and should be seen as that instead as potential sexual partners. I know I’m faithful and loyal but I don’t want to look at women in that way. I’m going to be conscious about only looking at women from the neck up. I think women deserve more respect than normalizing sexualizing them.

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@Keep Going I agree but we can’t do anything about since it’s nature and it’s just how we are subconsciously

stop.

Date posted: 4y

I think a lot of it is your OCD messing with you, but also some of it is a lack of separation between sexualizing and feeling sexual attraction. I think you’re so afraid of sexualizing that you’re also fearing sexual attraction and aesthetic attraction which are okay. Sexualizing comes from objectifying and seeing someone as something to have sex with. Sexual attraction is normal and is feeling arousal or attraction to someone which is okay. Aesthetic attraction is appreciating the beauty of someone and that’s also okay. I’ve had this issue, but with men and I really struggled with separating sexualization and sexual attraction/aesthetic attraction in my head. It became hard for me because well we don’t have control over our attraction, but we do have control over who we sexualize and treat poorly but I had trouble distinguishing the two in my brain so I was just afraid to feel anything.

stop.

Date posted: 4y

If you have any confusion still, here’s a good article: https://the-orbit.net/heinous/2014/10/23/objectification-vs-desire/?__cf_chl_jschl_tk__=aeca9443d2a58670fb1f0d4a252e6fef92aa842c-1613863792-0-Ac63O_oLB0AJGtMXygM6W8wLE96TNCXnUdgVYcqxjkEOITvLL48ir84f2jzH605INUiVDq6O_XlgK9YNFaoFJMF_TXNn_deKoqkbmGd-KG4vpAEgyClidQqoRSF009ZYUVBP6VDsPML8bw3FBDAwo6K1oiBnqnNxvWVZfxONnxblv-mbzelnpb4_RLS-gMd_xrIxELxnnV-F3USFC36-hax_ZHGquKk5w7Q4YnNpexwM95E9ZWV3U79zBbv14_rky8OWNQmZdtMAhCAXC82jx6DQI0u9EyVmJSUaDCrhukW97A_0tHKONFY_CDFO_c1ZEMFDSZRGmJ3G7t6MvrKPSRXuaNadcY70rHwviz85mrOfi16ur4c7KR3QjJRBwuhh_A

Just another...

Date posted: 4y

@stop. Thank you! But I still don’t think it’s okay to be desiring anyone but your partner. I understand it’s normal and okay for most people but it’s just not okay for me.

stop.

Date posted: 4y

@Keep Going Thats okay. I actually skipped over the fiancé part so I didn’t notice. It doesn’t have to be normal for you. Yes, humans still feel attraction to other people outside relationships because your attraction just doesn’t magically turn off and that’s nothing to be ashamed of if it does happen, but if you’re making an individual goal not do that then okay. It’s your life. I just wanted to help clear up any possible confusion that makes it worse because I was in a similar position. It really does help to know what sexualization actually is and how it’s different from sexual attraction and sexual desire.

Just another...

Date posted: 4y

I wanted to thank all you guys for your input. I love how willing to help you guys are and I’m so grateful you guys exist

vicelizviz0121

Date posted: 22w

So-ocd

Im a 21 year old female in a straight relationship with the best guy a girl could ever ask for. About 2 months ago, I went to get coffee with a friend and as I dropped her off, I got a “weird” vibe from her and the look she gave me which lead to the thought of “should I kiss her”….Ive never had a thought like that before and I never have ever wanted to kiss another girl. I have also never had a desire to be with another girl (sexually or romantically). Now though, I have had one other experience of being with a different friend going to get lunch and it felt weird. Ever since then I have been on google non stop with hundreds of different searches, questioning if im lying to myself of my boyfriend, wondering about my past relationships even though Ive only dated boys, been attracted to boys, crushed on boys, etc… boy crazy! Reading on other forums has been a big thing too or doing quizzes. I believe its SO-OCD but im so scared that what if its not. I am in therapy and actually had two weeks of not even thinking about it or googling it until yesterday. I dont know what to do.

Elliesmith

Date posted: 22w

Is this a symptom of soocd

I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?

Elliesmith

Date posted: 16w

Read pls

I feel so ridiculous saying this. Has anyone struggled with looking down a people’s private areas since having ocd. I hate it, but feel I have to look or find myself just looking. I feel so guilty after and especially when it’s a women I kinda shudder after like why did I just do that. Ugh I hate this. I never used to have this issue but now I’m focusing on it my anxiety is going crazy with it . If people have experienced, how did you get over this??? My sexual orientation is thriving off this . I hate it

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