This is going to be a bit long so I apologize in advance. I don’t know what else to do. I’m so anxious and tired. I think I’m getting depressed due to my anxiety. I know I am because I feel hopeless. I’m 24. I’m going to be graduating in may and I’m so stressed out. I hate my job. I hate where I live. I’m scared about the future and what’s going to happen after I graduate. I hate my boyfriends job because it puts us at risk of catching covid again. And like everyone else covid anxiety isn’t helping. I was finally diagnosed with ocd last year due to a horrible flare up that was unavoidable. I remember when it happened I was like this is unbearable. This is the worst. I say that every time it’s bad. Well, of course it’s always worse the next time. That’s ocd. I was prescribed bupropion. It worked for a while. It was great. It kept my intrusive thoughts at bay. My ocd went into remission. I even switched to the XL. But due to my own irresponsibility in taking the meds right (ie skipping doses) it was slowly rendering ineffective. The last two months I noticed that my intrusive thoughts were returning mildly and so were my compulsions. I was lethargic and had no motivation. Still things were good until two weeks ago. I had taken my first dose for the first time in two days. I skip all the time surely this will be fine. I had the worst panic attack of my life at work. After that I’ve been anxious ever since. I was dizzy, anxious, random panic attacks, etc. it was like withdrawals. I can’t go back to work because I’m scared I’ll have another panic attack. I thought I was going to die and I know it’s because of the panic attack. My doctor tried to get me to taper but I couldn’t. I wanted off of it then. Throw in a bad run in with a Cbd/delta 8 thc gummy (don’t take this if you’re on bupropion it does some shit to an enzyme in your liver) and my anxiety is through the roof. A different doctor prescribed Effexor and told me to just quit the bupropion. I took 37.5 mg yesterday of the Effexor and I was so nauseated. My BP was 140. I had heart palpitations. It was a horrible adverse reaction. Called my doctor. He told me to stop it immediately and prescribed me lexapro. I’m fucking scared to take it after yesterday and the last two weeks. My ocd is through the roof. I feel like I could go out of control. Like what if I develop this illness? What if I get serotonin syndrome? What if there’s something wrong with my liver? What if covid ruined something in me? What if I have to go to a psychiatric hospital? What if I lose my mind? What if... I know it’s ocd at free range but I’m really starting to get depressed. What if this is how I’m like now and I can’t return to normal? I cry so much now. My emotions are all over the place. I started therapy again Thursday so I guess that’s a small step. I don’t have a good support system. I returned to my childhood home for a few days and it’s not that great. My dads way of dealing with it is yelling at me and trying to scare me to take my meds. My family wants to throw pills at it until it goes away. But my body hasn’t even cleaned out the bupropion and now I took that dose of Effexor. I’m not trying to overload my system. I’m so sad and scared. I want to be better now. I was fine just a few weeks ago. I should have taken the bupropion right and then got off of it properly instead of being lazy. Any advice is appreciated