I may have hurt my cat. Idk (I need guidance) I really don’t want to post this, but I feel horrible if I don’t. I made a mistake, and I don’t know if it is justifiable (idk if that’s the right word) or I am a bad person. This happened recently, a few days ago. One day after I masterbaited, I went straight to sleep for at least 30+ mins. When I woke up, my cat jump on my desk in my room. I think someone opened my door. I hate it when my cat jump on everything, so I went to pick her up and put her on the floor. As I grabbed her, I quickly let go. I forgot. I don’t know but I think my hands may have been contaminated with a dried small amount of YouKnowWhat. I then started panicking in front of my cat. I felt horrible. I felt like an abuser or a bestiality person. I hated myself. I left my cat alone and backed off. I just went back to bed and left my cat continue jump around. Sleeping it off didn’t help, I continued to freak out later on. I would never want to hurt my cat. It was an accident, but I always feel horrible about it. I even apologized to my cat, but my cat doesn’t understand what even happened or why I’m all freaked out. It’s just me who knows. And I feel like a criminal in hiding. I was afraid of abusing or hurting my cat before that incident, and now my stress levels increased. I told my family to never let the cat in my room, but they always open the door for her. I hate it. I’ve tried to stay away from my cat because I feel horrible, but my family keeps forcing me to take care of her and be around her. My family doesn’t know what happened and they don’t know why I am always against being around my cat. Sometimes I take care of her and make sure she’s safe, but I fell very horrible each second. He keeps meowing to see me when I have my door closed, but I just feel worse and worse. I don’t know if it was ok because it was a mistake or I am an abuser or anything evil. I don’t know what to feel. I feel like an abuser. I feel like I sexually assaulted my cat. I’m scared and I can’t stop thinking about it. Is this all just a mistake or something worse? I just need guidance with this. I’m lost, and I don’t know what to do with myself. If you have read this far, thank you. It means a lot. I hope you don’t do the same mistake as I have. Best wishes to you.

Carl Cornett

Date posted: 4y

Well, what I can tell you is that you’re seeking reassurance. Which is a common compulsion. People will post looking for a definitive “answer”, because OCD cannot tolerate uncertainty. Avoiding being around your cat is also a compulsion. So, I won’t give you reassurance that what you’re afraid of isn’t true. What I can say is that it’s possible to be with these feelings without doing compulsions. And if you don’t do compulsions, you can manage your disorder far more effectively. If you haven’t, or if it’s available to you, get started with treatment.

Ihatethis

Date posted: 4y

I could stop doing compulsions, but I would still deeply hate myself to the point that I feel like what’s the point of living. I’m not scuicidal, but I just feel extremely down. I’m in treatment with my therapist, but things are slow and I’m barely learning about erp. I wrote the post to mainly ask the question of how should I view the situation, but it could also just be reassurance seeking. I’m not sure. Thank you for the response.

Carl Cornett

Date posted: 4y

@•________• If you’re trying to get certainty about what happened so it can prove or disprove whether or not you’re the thing you fear, which is how this question reads, then it’s definitely a compulsion. Treatment takes time. It’s a process, and has ups and downs. If you’re ever unsure about a situation, that’s the person to ask. Anyone giving reassurance here would be helping you with a compulsion which is detrimental to your long-term recovery.

Ihatethis

Date posted: 4y

Sorry if I don’t respond to you on time. I stayed up until the morning and I need to sleep for a few hours.

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