Hey I believe I'm suffering from hocd and it sucks. But the worst part is when I want to get intimate with my girlfriend it starts off nice but then I'll start getting intrusive thoughts. And the worst is when I get them when I'm finishing. Does anyone have advice to work through this?

Dude, at least you can be intimate with your girlfriend. I can't even get it up. Focus on the moment and be grateful you have a girlfriend you love and are able to be intimate with her. I'd give anything to have that.

No worries. It takes courage to admit vulnerability especially those that feel like they attack your worthiness as a man. But it takes a man to own such personal problems. Never ever forget that.

Deputy dean. You can it’s just your anxiety getting in the way. If you keep telling yourself you can’t then you won’t. I always take longer to get aroused these days thanks to ocd and intrusive sexual thoughts. But I don’t let it stop me. As for the original poster. You have to let them come when you cum. No stopping it. Gonna have to trust your system knows what you want even if you don’t, and give it time to normalise. I’m noticing it improving, but it will take a long time I think.

I guess I have to relax. But it's hard to when all you want to have is proof you can get it up. I try sometimes to not pay attention to anything but what I want. It's just that sometimes it doesn't happen. Maybe it will flap up and down a couple of times, but nothing sustainable for sex. I have to rub in order to get anything going

Yeah I have to do that sometimes. Look it will not happen first time. In fact in many cases you will struggle several times before it gets better. The brain needs a history of success before it calls off the alarm. If you continue to not date due to fear then it will feed that cycle. I take it that it also happens when alone? Also what is your porn use like? If that is moderate or heavy I would look to give it up. It doesn’t really help as it causes addiction based brain changes. Also - you won’t have proof you can get it up - I fell into that trap myself. I have never got used to condoms for the same reason and have had very risky sex because of it.

Rubbing and ‘controlling’ your arousal is part of the problem. You also should expect it to take weeks or months to normalise. Try dating and take drugs to help over the hump. Be honest, it may feel emasculating but it’s the first step to reclaiming yourself.

It does happen when I'm alone, unfortunately. That's what's ticking me off. I'll look at a picture of a beautiful woman and there will be nothing going on and it scares me to my very soul. I don't watch porn. In fact I stopped years ago. I felt it was shallow and not fulfilling at all. I was seeing a girl at the time, but that ended and a couple of years after that I got severely depressed. I didn't even masturbate. In fact, I went years before masturbating again. Perhaps I took a heartbeat too hard. I then noticed I couldn't get it up. I kissed a girl and nothing - granted, it was uncomfortable with her. However later on I'd have some experiences where I didn't have a problem. I'd even get hard hearing that a girl liked me! But the problem is that I've had a weird life and never had the chance to have sex. Except for once when I was 18. A friend of mine paid a prostitute, even though I told him I didn't want my first time to be like that. Despite that he shoved me in the room and I couldn't perform. All these events have sort of stigmatized me and I can't get over them.

Yeah it sounds like there is a lot of anxiety at the heart of it. I sometimes think the more confident and self assured we are, that translates to performance in the bedroom. One thing that may really help is if you do a bunch of stuff that scare you but you are in control of. For example take up boxing. I did that for a bit. I’m not much of a fighter but challenging myself like that made me feel much better about myself. That translates into other areas of your life.

Also if you are in the hole on this, the. Looking at pictures won’t help because you are spectating. I suspect you know this already though. To be honest I would suggest talking to a sex therapist about it. They might be able to tackle this properly given fear is associated with sex now. I still have that, always do to a certain extent, and I know if me and my wife broke up I would have to throw myself in and deal with some failures because failures mid way through my sex life caused massive anxiety.

That's true mate. Back when I was confident I didn't need much to get hard. I could just get a text from or stand next to a girl who I liked and it would raise immediately. I've been doing some weight lifting lately and try to do as much as I can. I'll try boxing. A friend of mine is a pro boxer, so I could have him train me. I'm looking into my options for therapy currently. I want to see if I can find an OCD specialist and then go to a sex therapist. I've also tried getting back into dating, but most of the time I have so much stress and I need to find ways to calm down. The pill is definite a good idea, because it can help me get erect and I'll ween off slowly until I can get erections myself. Thank you for the support mate.