I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts this week but keeping a brave face on because I knew my husband was under a lot of stress with work, I figured I could talk to him about it over the weekend. He’s been consistently late getting home because of work stuff, but assured me he would be home at five tonight. When he called at five to say he hadn’t left yet...I sort of snapped. I told him I was frustrated and he got upset. And it’s so tempting to throw it in his face and say hey, I’ve been suicidal all week and you haven’t been there or even noticed because of this work crap... I won’t do that. I’ll be an adult (crazy adult but still) and talk to him about it later. Thanks for the vent. Peace out.

Oh gosh...throw it in his face was definitely a metaphorical phrasing, no abuse intended! You’re right though that I can’t resent him for not reading my mind. That one does trip me up however often I try to remind myself—the stuff happening inside my brain feels so real it seems as if it must be visible on the outside, but of course it’s not. Thank you.

@babbie I defintely understood it as metaphorical, but it is still abusive. Making someone else feel as if they have neglected us and emotionally put pressure by passive aggressively pointing out that we haven't had our needs met and now we are suicidal would count as emotional abuse. I'm not saying YOU are abusive. But some actions we do when we are angry and hurt can be. And I found it to be empowering to see it for what it is, it makes it easier to not minimize it but in stead take responsibility for it. I totally get this, and I've been feeling like that a lot myself. It is SO obvious to me so "why can't he see". But it's not. + a lot of us have been brought up to not be very clear about our needs and boundaries. Which makes it all a lot harder. I understood you came here to vent, and I'm not writing this to make you feel worse. I just hope it can be empowering to see that you have an opportunity to make your needs met by showing your needs.

@asdfghj Yeah, it can be a fine line between “I am suicidal and need support” (good communication) and “I am suicidal because you didn’t give me support” (emotional manipulation/guilt trip). I’ve had the first misunderstood as the second before, which is probably partly why I sometimes wait too long to tell him, even though the misunderstanding wasn’t with him—it feels fairly awful to make the decision to talk about something difficult and then be accused of manipulation. Not trying to argue or anything, just pondering all the factors that lead to this mindset, because it is one I find myself returning to. I appreciate the chance to think about it from different angles. (We are good now, btw—we made time to chat today and get on the same page.)

@asdfghj Thanks for taking the time to respond!