- Username
- bassoonista
- Date posted
- 3y ago
i have felt that before! a more persistent feeling i have in my life that may be similar.. is when i am in a relationship i obsess about their appearance and what people think of them because i want others to think they are cool and attractive, because if they are then that means obviously i am. i worry about their outer appearance but also how they act around others. like i stress about if they are gonna say something stupid or rub someone the wrong way. i know that is very different but it’s also i guess the same in the way we are obsessing over certain people and how they are perceived, ya know? i get it is what i am trying to say and you’re most definitely not alone! don’t feel like a bad person.. a lot more people than you think have this feeling
Yes I’ve experienced this quite a lot, it’s one of the biggest themes of my OCD.
Sounds a little like rOCD themes to me.
You’re definitely not alone. It’s really hard when I can’t find my kind of OCD in all the lists of types of OCD. I call it CCE OCD, competition comparison envy OCD. I will obsess about someone and how they look, how much better they are than me, all the info I know about them, etc. I’ll see their pictures and videos in my mind all the time (from stalking them on social media and online, that’s my compulsion.) When it was my ex’s ex I obsessed about him going back to her and if she had a better body than me, she had a child with him and I didn’t, etc. But it can be different kinds of people, not just having to do with my relationships, and if they appear arrogant or full of themselves that can definitely be triggering for me. I think it came from my parents separating when I was 3 and my father leaving the household and seeing him move on with women other than my mother (we can inherit our parents’ fears, and I’m an extension of my mother so fears of inadequacy, inferiority, being threatened etc.), and then being so afraid of being replaced when he had another kid when I was 12. My OCD started when I was about 14 and a guy I was dating had dated another girl at my school before me and I got super obsessively afraid that he liked her better and would go back to her, and that she was prettier and more attractive. Sometimes I’ll be super resentful of their looks, their success, them being mothers etc. I’ll feel like I hate them and I’ll feel haunted by them. It can feel like mental/emotional self-torture. That’s a lot of info lol but I hope you feel less alone knowing other people have similar experiences.
Does anyone else experience obsessions regarding a particular person? Where this person kind of takes up a lot of your time and you feel almost addicted to like looking at pictures of them or trying to be like them and stuff? It’s almost like theres a compulsion to find out things about them or see a picture of them or whatever. I usually find that these people are women who I admire (celebrities or people older/more accomplished than I am) and want to be like. I feel like a huge loser and a monster sometimes, and because these people are women it has greatly contributed to my HOCD.? Idk anyone could relate at all to this?
Truthfully i am just so exhausted from being obsessed with how I affect others in my life. I am constantly questioning if I make their lives better or worse and why. I'm an extrovert and if it seems like I'm positively affecting people when I socialize, I feel on top of the world. But when I can't improve someone's mood when I talk to them I feel depressed and drained. I have this belief that I am intrinsically awful and harmful to be around and I have to be extra helpful and cheerful to make up for it. I think about the problems that everyone in my life struggles with and convince myself that I am the cause of it or making them worse. I isolate, believing I am harmful to others and I am sparing them. When they feel neglected, I panic because I caused them harm when I was trying to save them. I don't want to live like this anymore. In some ways it was easier when I was alone. I just can't stop obsessing about my loved ones in this way. I almost begin to crave abandonment because at least the thoughts would stop coming. Does that make me a bad person? I don't really actually want to be abandoned by my loved ones, but at least I know how to handle abandonment. I don't know how to handle normal loving relationships.
Has anyone experienced OCD regarding a particular individual? This person is absolutely meaningless to you, yet your brain has been giving them a sort of “god complex.” This all started a few years ago for me with a classmate from college when Covid began and this individual made me feel bad about something, although they didn’t know they did. This particular thing really bothered me and I was never sure why. They did nothing wrong, my brain did by latching onto that trivial thing and feeding the obsession. I still struggle with it and sometimes it feels like it’s constantly in the background and it causes severe anxiety at times. Anyways was just wondering if I could get anyone else’s input or thoughts on this particular issue.
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