For SOOCD, how do you deal with obsessions revolving around arousal you’ve felt or experiences you’ve had, I feel like that’s harder to counter I.e. I’m more turned on by women in porn than men. I’ve kissed boys and felt nothing. That’s a fact, how can I say I have ocd when I know that to be true?

Username: pureolifepureolife

Date posted: 3y ago

You don’t need to “counter” anything. In fact, that’s a compulsion. You’re arguing with your obsession, trying to neutralize, analyze, or suppress. Stop? You can say you have ocd because you have ocd. You have obsessions that you respond to with compulsions. That’s ocd. In regards to the content itself: just accept the uncertainty. These pieces of “evidence” in themselves aren’t enough to prove/disprove anyone’s sexuality and you know that. People of all orientations are turned on by sexual content, period. And I think everyone has kissed someone in their lives who they haven’t had any sexual chemistry with. You get turned on by women in porn: maybe that means you’re a lesbian! But.. maybe not. It’s inconclusive as a stand-alone fact. And that’s how you need to treat all of this evidence. Lean into uncertainty: “maybe, but maybe not,” and “so what?”

Username: Faye JuneFaye June

Date posted: 3y ago

THIS. If I’d have heard this when I was at my worst with OCD. I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Username: maybethistimemaybethistime

Date posted: 3y ago

I just find this hard to do because I’m married to a man. And I cannot be married if I’m leading someone I love on.

Username: stop.stop.

Date posted: 3y ago

Thank you for this! You couldn’t have said it any better and you’re helping a lot of people with this comment :)

Username: pureolifepureolife

Date posted: 3y ago

@maybethistime Everyone thinks they have the one excuse or circumstance that means they actually have to have absolute certainty, even when others don’t and it’s the only way to escape the ocd cycle. So you’re married to a man. Cool! You can still be uncertain about what liking certain kinds of porn “means” and why exactly you didn’t enjoy kissing someone. None of these answers are necessary to keep being married.

Username: maybethistimemaybethistime

Date posted: 3y ago

@pureolife It’s just hard for me to be okay with that when I’m afraid of having sex with all these doubts

Username: pureolifepureolife

Date posted: 3y ago

@maybethistime Yeah I know. If it wasn’t hard, you wouldn’t have this obsession. Obsessions can only stick if they’re difficult. If you’re waiting for it to be easy to stop the ocd cycle, that will never happen. You have to lean into uncertainty even though it’s hard.

Username: Faye JuneFaye June

Date posted: 3y ago

Honestly, the other person in this comment section has said almost everything you need to hear right now, but I just want to add that everything you’re experiencing is completely congruent with many others who have this theme. I personally had the same experience that were linked to the same sort of worries, (porn etc) and that felt insurmountable. It felt like irrefutable evidence that my obsessions were true, and I was doomed to a life of never knowing. That wasn’t true, and you can recover from this theme. I really don’t want to reassure as I’m aware that it is poison for OCD, but the statistics show that MOST women watch lesbian pornography. And if they’re not watching that, they’re watching gay male porn. And then there is a MINORITY who watch straight porn. With this knowledge, ask yourself - are most women who watch this type of porn bisexual? Are the women who watch gay males... gay males?? Answer that in your own time. The important thing here, like the other girl said, is leaning into the uncertainty. It’s gonna feel worse before it feels better, but the outcome is so worth it. Sending you my best wishes, you’re okay!

Username: maybethistimemaybethistime

Date posted: 3y ago

I really do want to get better. I guess I’ll start small. Every time I try, I go too big too quickly and then suddenly I’ve shot myself in the foot and I’m back to step one. I need something small to lean into first. I just need to find my something small and then start from there. It does feel insurmountable and scary and sad. I just wish other people could understand how f**king scary this is. It’s so scary sometimes I just sit alone because I feel like I can’t fight it. I’m glad people here get it. I need to make a concrete plan with my therapist.

Username: Faye JuneFaye June

Date posted: 3y ago

@maybethistime Yeah, i know exactly what you’re saying. Starting off in the deep end is not good with ERP. You have to desensitise yourself to the tiny fears WAY before you approach the deeper things that scare you. It’s asking for failure. It’s like going to the gym and going straight to the huge weights, you’re just asking to fail! But, even the little fears stings when you bring them up, so my point still stands that it is worse before it’s better! Sending you my best wishes again. You can beat this❤️

Username: clambclamb

Date posted: 3y ago

I’m the same way with the porn situation. Makes things extra scary. You got this.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

Look I have soocd and I feel arousal when I check or test with thoughts about the same sex I really don’t feel aeousal for women I think this isn’t normal for ocd is there any advice anyone could give on this topic please anything would help

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: Lavander

Date posted: 1y ago

so-ocd

New thought just creeped in: as I used to watch same sex porn, am I afraid of what this means (being gay) or am I just denying that I liked it? It seems like it's the same thing, but what if I, deep down, know I like it and am just denying it? Maybe this isnt even OCD. And my so-ocd latches on to this, to sexual attraction so much, bc it's not something we choose. But I want to be attracted to men. I've always liked men. I don't want to be with a woman. I'm so done with this, it brings me so much suffering. Please be mindful if you respond to this. I'm already feeling so bad..

Username: ocd_sufferer8

Date posted: 1y ago

My story again.

When I was in like 3rd grade I went to a friends house and she turned on lesbian pornography. I then went home and watched it again, and again and again. This being the only pornography I have watched and “got off too”. I have always had heterosexual relationships and crushes since I was a young girl but this pornography addiction I think is what led me to SOOCD. I have always been scared of being gay and I remember telling myself when I was young when I would watch porn that “one day I have to figure this out, why do I watch this if I’m straight” and that was an ongoing question for years but I was always able to move on. So the question has always been there. But I knew I was always different. Now that I’m 20 and I’m more educated on OCD now I notice how I have always suffered from instructive thoughts just could never put a name to it. Thoughts like death, imagining scenarios and having to plan the resolution as if it will actually happen, existing ocd, all of the above. But now my SO ocd has affected every aspect of my life to where it hurts when I wakes up. And I truly question my sexuality despite loving my boyfriend of 4 years. My question is, anyone who has experienced this, how did you recover. From porn addiction and SOOCD. Does anyone have a similar experience? Please share. I feel really alone.

Sexual Orientation OCD

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