- Date posted
- 4y ago
- Date posted
- 4y ago
You don’t need to “counter” anything. In fact, that’s a compulsion. You’re arguing with your obsession, trying to neutralize, analyze, or suppress. Stop? You can say you have ocd because you have ocd. You have obsessions that you respond to with compulsions. That’s ocd. In regards to the content itself: just accept the uncertainty. These pieces of “evidence” in themselves aren’t enough to prove/disprove anyone’s sexuality and you know that. People of all orientations are turned on by sexual content, period. And I think everyone has kissed someone in their lives who they haven’t had any sexual chemistry with. You get turned on by women in porn: maybe that means you’re a lesbian! But.. maybe not. It’s inconclusive as a stand-alone fact. And that’s how you need to treat all of this evidence. Lean into uncertainty: “maybe, but maybe not,” and “so what?”
- Date posted
- 4y ago
THIS. If I’d have heard this when I was at my worst with OCD. I couldn’t have said it better myself.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I just find this hard to do because I’m married to a man. And I cannot be married if I’m leading someone I love on.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Thank you for this! You couldn’t have said it any better and you’re helping a lot of people with this comment :)
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@maybethistime Everyone thinks they have the one excuse or circumstance that means they actually have to have absolute certainty, even when others don’t and it’s the only way to escape the ocd cycle. So you’re married to a man. Cool! You can still be uncertain about what liking certain kinds of porn “means” and why exactly you didn’t enjoy kissing someone. None of these answers are necessary to keep being married.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@pureolife It’s just hard for me to be okay with that when I’m afraid of having sex with all these doubts
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@maybethistime Yeah I know. If it wasn’t hard, you wouldn’t have this obsession. Obsessions can only stick if they’re difficult. If you’re waiting for it to be easy to stop the ocd cycle, that will never happen. You have to lean into uncertainty even though it’s hard.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Honestly, the other person in this comment section has said almost everything you need to hear right now, but I just want to add that everything you’re experiencing is completely congruent with many others who have this theme. I personally had the same experience that were linked to the same sort of worries, (porn etc) and that felt insurmountable. It felt like irrefutable evidence that my obsessions were true, and I was doomed to a life of never knowing. That wasn’t true, and you can recover from this theme. I really don’t want to reassure as I’m aware that it is poison for OCD, but the statistics show that MOST women watch lesbian pornography. And if they’re not watching that, they’re watching gay male porn. And then there is a MINORITY who watch straight porn. With this knowledge, ask yourself - are most women who watch this type of porn bisexual? Are the women who watch gay males... gay males?? Answer that in your own time. The important thing here, like the other girl said, is leaning into the uncertainty. It’s gonna feel worse before it feels better, but the outcome is so worth it. Sending you my best wishes, you’re okay!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I really do want to get better. I guess I’ll start small. Every time I try, I go too big too quickly and then suddenly I’ve shot myself in the foot and I’m back to step one. I need something small to lean into first. I just need to find my something small and then start from there. It does feel insurmountable and scary and sad. I just wish other people could understand how f**king scary this is. It’s so scary sometimes I just sit alone because I feel like I can’t fight it. I’m glad people here get it. I need to make a concrete plan with my therapist.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@maybethistime Yeah, i know exactly what you’re saying. Starting off in the deep end is not good with ERP. You have to desensitise yourself to the tiny fears WAY before you approach the deeper things that scare you. It’s asking for failure. It’s like going to the gym and going straight to the huge weights, you’re just asking to fail! But, even the little fears stings when you bring them up, so my point still stands that it is worse before it’s better! Sending you my best wishes again. You can beat this❤️
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I’m the same way with the porn situation. Makes things extra scary. You got this.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w ago
Ok so I’m a 17 year old female, and I’ve always thought I was straight. But I just really want to know how you would know the difference between so-ocd and actually questioning your sexuality. I have nothing against the LGBTQ community (in fact I am very much a token straight friend, lol) but I saw a video about comp-het recently and it sort of felt like what I was experiencing. I don’t want to be gay, I want to be with men, I want to like men, I’ve always liked men, but now I’m questioning whether or not that’s real? Because people can be gay but not want to be right? I’m single and I always have been. I think women are gorgeous, but when I try to imagine actually having any sort of romantic or sexual relationship with a woman it feels wrong, at least most of the time it does? Sometimes I’m less sure, and I’ve never been particularly boy crazy. I’ve liked maybe 2 or 3 people in my life, (not to say I’ve never found other guys attractive, but it doesn’t seem to be as often as most people) I have no particular reason to be afraid of being gay, very supportive family, safe area ect, but I don’t want to be, does that mean this is ocd, I don’t know what’s going on every time I say I’m straight I feel like I’m lying, but that might just be because I think about it so much. The idea of being with a woman doesn’t feel like something I would want, but is that just because I don’t want to want it? People online say things with so much sureness, if you feel like this it means this. Ect.
- Date posted
- 6w ago
Im a 21 year old female in a straight relationship with the best guy a girl could ever ask for. About 2 months ago, I went to get coffee with a friend and as I dropped her off, I got a “weird” vibe from her and the look she gave me which lead to the thought of “should I kiss her”….Ive never had a thought like that before and I never have ever wanted to kiss another girl. I have also never had a desire to be with another girl (sexually or romantically). Now though, I have had one other experience of being with a different friend going to get lunch and it felt weird. Ever since then I have been on google non stop with hundreds of different searches, questioning if im lying to myself of my boyfriend, wondering about my past relationships even though Ive only dated boys, been attracted to boys, crushed on boys, etc… boy crazy! Reading on other forums has been a big thing too or doing quizzes. I believe its SO-OCD but im so scared that what if its not. I am in therapy and actually had two weeks of not even thinking about it or googling it until yesterday. I dont know what to do.
- Date posted
- 6w ago
I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?
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