please don’t judge about this. i know drugs aren’t great but i’ve taken them and it’s causing me a lot of uncertainties. so if anyone has insight into drugs, without judgement, please answer! mdma doesn’t hit me and i’ve taken it twice. i’m not on anti-depressants and the pills were 100% real because everyone i was with could feel it. i was the only one who couldn’t. i feel the effects of alcohol and i used to with nicotine too (though not so much anymore). but i’ve never felt ketamine really. and i don’t feel very high on weed these days either. with mdma, the second time i took it i was shivering a lot and had a clenched jaw. i felt ill aswell. i had all the physical effects but not the mental ones. essentially i’m just scared i’m like mentally different or lack the right ‘brain chemisty’. loads of my ocd themes circulate around psychopaths and narcissists and empathy and stuff so the fact i can’t feel mdma (an empathetic drug) really distresses me. but i hope there’s just a logical explanation, like i lack the serotonin in the first place or something. or my anxiety stops it. i really hope i’m not doomed! i mean i know i have empathy but what if i’ve been wrong all this time and i don’t? really scared about all this :(

I just feel like therapy isn’t working… like I get to talk about myself and understand myself… but I’m already incredibly self aware. My therapist thought I was like 5 years older than I am… and she gives me such basic strategies that do absolutely nothing for me. And a psychiatrist prescribed me with Zoloft… but I don’t know if T want to take medication. I’m scared of side effects… and I’m scared of getting better… I’m scared of letting my guard down. I know it will make me less cautious which makes me less likely to push myself to perfection like I currently do, which I can’t have happen. Every time I talk to my mom about it, she’s always like “Let’s talk about this some other time, I’m busy with other things”, and then never remembers. But in the rare moments we do talk about it, she treats it like I’m signing up to be a drug addict. I also feel very guilty for spending so much of my parents’ money- therapy… medication… etc… and also the idea of my being unlovable is so deeply engraved in my brain… I genuinely, truly believe it. No therapy or medication can fix it. I can’t change my mind. My therapist tells me my misophonia is not a “deal-breaker” and that someone would be lucky to have me as a partner… but then why hasn’t anyone ever liked me? My own FAMILY can’t stand me. How do I believe something I know isn’t true? That’s even harder to accept than me being unlovable. I can’t see someone loving me. And it is so incredibly exhausting to seek love,e I know I cannot have. My sister says, “It will get better with age…” It has only ever gotten worse. To the point I don’t want to get better. It has reached the severity where I feel more safe and successful with anxiety. My past 3 birthdays have been me wishing for therapy. And now I have therpay- and medication, the potential key… and I refuse? Am I too deep in? I cant get out, it’s too late. How did absolutely no one notice how much I had and have been hurting? Why did no one listen to my cries or worries? I feel really depressed and hopeless right now. It takes so much effort to get up every day… I’m so tired.

i’ve been going through weird phases in life and it’s really not what i need at all. i’ve been recently having really bad anxiety and i think i have depression (not sure) but everytime i go out my stomach starts to hurt and my mind goes all over the place i just always overthinking bad things are gonna happen like im just having the worst panic attacks when nothing is even happening. i can never go out with friends feeling normal because my mind goes crazy about anything. i can’t hang out with my girlfriend without having really bad anxiety and panic attacks, it’s also so bad that recently i got a job i’ve been trying to get for almost a year now and i finally have the chance to get into the job but my minds all over the place about traveling to another state for training and also even getting the job in general i feel so scared and feel so uncomfortable and uninterested when i been hoping for this opportunity for the longest. idk what’s going on with me and it’s clearly ruining my life and my mental. im starting to think it’s because about 2 years ago i used to smoke weed frequently and i stopped a while ago but now i do it once every blue moon and im thinking about quitting everything in general. what can i do to heal my mental and help my panic attacks where nothing is wrong? i need help..

Idk what to do anymore. I had an attack from 🍃 in 2021. I couldn’t feel anything and it all felt odd. It’s been 4 years! 4 years!!!! And I still have attacks. But in the past 2 years it hasn’t been anything visual really. I can see everyone, I just can’t feel connected to me still nor my surroundings. My head keeps repeating. “You’re not real, nothings real”. Even tho ik I can see my mom and dad and nothings distorted. I don’t get it! I’m scared. Is this the start of psychosis? I was diagnosed with ocd when I was 13 and it got really bad after smoking once. I feel alone. I know where I am. But I feel out of place, and for some reason I keep thinking nothings real in my head over and over again. I feel so alone. I want to be a nurse but I’m like I’m useless. Nothing feels right. Can anybody help me, or has anyone experienced this!