- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
That same day I told my mum, crying uncontrollably that "I think I am gay", she was shocked at first however she understood and was very compassionate even though I was incredibly uncomfortable with the whole idea, it felt strange because even though I was uttering that I was gay on my tounge, my heart didn't feel right at all, I began to come out to friends (who where also supportive) because I thought my anxiety and intrusive thoughts will reduce, it didn't, in fact, the symptoms just became worse and worse. When I was diagnosed with HOCD, my parents didn't really understand the condition but they are still incredibly supportive because my mum also has OCD however it's the usual contamination theme which most people believe is the only theme of OCD. Regarding seeing the right therapist, do your research, I've seen a couple of therapists and they seriously made my situation much worse, until I found an OCD specialist who is somewhat assisting my situation.
- Date posted
- 6y
I just want to go back to the way I was, without these worries. I don’t know how to explain my condition to my parents without them freaking out. I just really need help.
- Date posted
- 6y
No sorry, I am from Australia, it took me months upon months to find someone who understands this form of OCD, (I was really doubting I even have OCD). Yes, I am quite religious, I follow a set of morals and values which I not want to oppose, however I am also very compassionate and understanding to all peoples and the path that anyone chooses to take in life. I have been in therapy for months and I still have horrible days where my OCD convinces me I want to be Gay, I want to come out, I will always be miserable if I don't come out, I want to be sexually active with the same sex, etc. Etc. It never ends, however my symptoms have decreased, around a year ago, every single waking minute I was plagued by OCD, i thought I was going mad, so ERP really helps in decreasing the thoughts, It's exhausting.
- Date posted
- 6y
I know how you feel, I feel the exact the same way and I'm sure anyone who has this debilitating disorder feels the same. Just read some books on OCD and try implementing the strategies, alot of online resources.
- Date posted
- 6y
I was terrified to go to a therapist for this very reason. People who are not deeply familiar with OCD or recognizing it in their patient can do some serious damage.
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you so much! I think I’m going to reach out to him. How are you finding his treatment? How quickly did you start to feel better?
- Date posted
- 6y
This is what I’m scared of!!! How do I know that a therapist will believe me or understand me? How did your parents react? Did they help and support you?
- Date posted
- 6y
Are you in the UK? And do you mind me asking, are you religious? I want to tell my parents but I’m not sure they’ll understand straight away... I don’t feel the need to ‘come out’ because I don’t see that helping my situation, as they may jump to conclusions. I’m really struggling to find therapists in the UK who do ERP. I am just so panicked right now.
- Date posted
- 6y
Find an OCD therapist who does therapy via Skype if there is not one in your area. https://www.cognitivebehavioralcenter.com
- Date posted
- 6y
Have you/anyone else used this service?
- Date posted
- 6y
Was it good? Did they believe you
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes, I see an OCD specialist at the link I posted. This is the clinic of Dr. Steven Phillipson who is a world renowned OCD therapist. There are several OCD clinics that offer online therapy that I would trust. There is this one out of NYC, but there are also ones in LA and Louisville.
- Date posted
- 5y
I worked with his clinic. Horrible experience. I wish I could have afforded to work with hi and but the clinicians under him are lousy.
- Date posted
- 6y
Most don’t take insurance, but have a tiered model where you what you pay is based on the experience level of the therapist, but they are all OCD experts and you can apply for out of network reimbursement with your insurance.
- Date posted
- 6y
To further answer your question, yes they believe you and have such in depth experience with OCD that your spikes themes will require very little explanation because they will have probably treated the same issue many time before....no matter how unique you think your theme is.
- Date posted
- 6y
I found it was helpful to just be able to talk to someone who completely understood. So there is somewhat of an immediate relief to an extent, but treatment takes a long time and a lot depends on how much work you put in between sessions. Good luck, I hope it goes well for you!
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you again. How long have you been in therapy with him (if you don’t mind me asking)?
- Date posted
- 6y
I did about 3 months of individual therapy, then I took a break for a few months and I am currently in my 4th month of group therapy.
- Date posted
- 6y
I don’t see Dr. Phillipson (he is like $450 per session with a huge waiting list). I see a post doctoral extern at the center. Everyone there is supervised and trained by him though. You just choose the experience level of therapist by what you can afford.
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m scared to ask...but how much was each of your sessions? I really can’t afford expensive treatment...
- Date posted
- 6y
$110 but that was awhile back. It goes down as low as $50 I think.
- Date posted
- 6y
What made you go for the $110 therapist as oppose to the $50 one?
- Date posted
- 6y
Just felt more comfortable with someone with more education. I have a doctorate, so I kind of felt like I wanted someone of similar education level to me, that’s probably just my own issues coming through though! I honestly think that anyone Dr. Phillipson has working for him will be great and anyone of them would be a better option than going in person to a local therapist who doesn’t understand OCD at all!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 14w
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
- Date posted
- 12w
trigger warning!!!!!! I’m really scared right now. I’ve been reading Elle Warren’s articles about her experience with HOCD/SO-OCD, and it feels so similar to mine. She went through the same fears of being a lesbian, felt distressed by her attraction to women, and spent hours ruminating, Googling, and analyzing her feelings. She even experienced groinal responses and revisited old memories, just like I do. Eventually, she had a moment of realization in college when she flirted with a girl, and everything clicked. She now identifies as a lesbian. I’m terrified that the same thing will happen to me. I thought the OCD fears were supposed to never be true and that HOCD thoughts are usually just compulsions that don’t end up being real. But reading her story, it’s like I’m seeing my own experience mirrored. What if it clicks for me, just like it did for her? What if I realize that I am a lesbian? Elle’s story makes me so scared. I thought my feelings of attraction to women were just OCD-driven, and now I’m questioning everything. I thought I was straight, but now, reading her journey, I’m wondering: could my OCD fears actually be real? Elle’s experience was very similar to mine: • She got distressed when she thought she might like women, not relieved. • She spent a lot of time ruminating, Googling, analyzing, and comparing. • Her attraction to women only became intense when her OCD flared up. • She said things like, “I feel peace when I believe I’m straight.” • She had already been diagnosed with OCD and had a history of this pattern. After years of fear and distress, Elle had a moment of calm and realized that it was true. I’m scared that this could happen to me too. Will I have a similar moment of acceptance, where everything clicks and I realize I’m gay? Or will I come to accept that this is all OCD, and that I’m straight, with the possibility that I’m not? I also keep thinking back to when my OCD lessened the first time. Did I go back to men because I wasn’t actually attracted to women, or was it just because the grip of the OCD had loosened? Elle also talked about the shame associated with non-heterosexuality. She mentioned that, like many of us, she had internalized stigma around being gay, and that it made her fear the possibility of being non-heterosexual. I can relate to this so much—growing up, I never saw it as an option to be anything other than straight, and now it’s hard to shake that fear and shame. Elle mentioned that she found reassurance in seeing other people with HOCD who worried that their fears would come true, but eventually realized they were just OCD thoughts. That idea is comforting, but also a little scary, because what if that moment of realization happens for me too? What if I finally accept that I am a lesbian? Or, what if I’m just struggling with OCD and eventually realize I’m straight? I just don’t know. The scariest part is that, just like Elle, I feel like I don’t have any obvious signs. She had no idea she was a lesbian until one day, everything clicked. She was 21, just like me when my OCD fears really flared up, and she had a breakthrough moment in Denver when she made friends with lesbians. That hasn’t happened for me yet, and it’s terrifying to think that it could happen in the future. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m really scared about where this will lead.
- Date posted
- 6w
I’ve recovered from HOCD before and got my attraction and my usual actual identity back. I was recovered from end 2022- start 2025 until I got triggered UGHHH😭 My HOCD is REALLY trying to convince me and it’s SO annoying cause I genuinely don’t want these thoughts. I know I naturally like men and always have done so. I can’t wait for my first therapy session in two days Omg! I need your advice, not necessarily reassurance, but more advice? My HOCD is throwing random “proof” I did/ saw as a child in my face, which back then had no meaning in my life and I continued to live a perfectly heterosexual life. I’ve educated myself about arousal non concordance / child’s play, but it still doesn’t remove the HOCD. I’ve read therapists great explanations on how it’s not a sexuality issue, BUT ITS AN OCD BRAIN ISSUE. So basically I’ve been straight and i will die as straight. But my ocd is still continuing with the intrusive thoughts/flashbacks. I’ve had some moments where I haven’t done as many compulsions and had less anxiety but still had those damn thoughts and I DO NOT want those damn thoughts. I have so much proof and factual/logical explanations but HOCD is still continuing to thrive. I absolutely hate this and I feel so alone. I wish there was a reset button cause I don’t want these thoughts to happen. I want a man and I stand by that. How do y’all deal with these situations? Cause sitting with the thoughts is clearly not helping.
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