- Username
- AdamH
- Date posted
- 5y ago
That same day I told my mum, crying uncontrollably that "I think I am gay", she was shocked at first however she understood and was very compassionate even though I was incredibly uncomfortable with the whole idea, it felt strange because even though I was uttering that I was gay on my tounge, my heart didn't feel right at all, I began to come out to friends (who where also supportive) because I thought my anxiety and intrusive thoughts will reduce, it didn't, in fact, the symptoms just became worse and worse. When I was diagnosed with HOCD, my parents didn't really understand the condition but they are still incredibly supportive because my mum also has OCD however it's the usual contamination theme which most people believe is the only theme of OCD. Regarding seeing the right therapist, do your research, I've seen a couple of therapists and they seriously made my situation much worse, until I found an OCD specialist who is somewhat assisting my situation.
I just want to go back to the way I was, without these worries. I don’t know how to explain my condition to my parents without them freaking out. I just really need help.
No sorry, I am from Australia, it took me months upon months to find someone who understands this form of OCD, (I was really doubting I even have OCD). Yes, I am quite religious, I follow a set of morals and values which I not want to oppose, however I am also very compassionate and understanding to all peoples and the path that anyone chooses to take in life. I have been in therapy for months and I still have horrible days where my OCD convinces me I want to be Gay, I want to come out, I will always be miserable if I don't come out, I want to be sexually active with the same sex, etc. Etc. It never ends, however my symptoms have decreased, around a year ago, every single waking minute I was plagued by OCD, i thought I was going mad, so ERP really helps in decreasing the thoughts, It's exhausting.
I know how you feel, I feel the exact the same way and I'm sure anyone who has this debilitating disorder feels the same. Just read some books on OCD and try implementing the strategies, alot of online resources.
I was terrified to go to a therapist for this very reason. People who are not deeply familiar with OCD or recognizing it in their patient can do some serious damage.
Thank you so much! I think I’m going to reach out to him. How are you finding his treatment? How quickly did you start to feel better?
This is what I’m scared of!!! How do I know that a therapist will believe me or understand me? How did your parents react? Did they help and support you?
Are you in the UK? And do you mind me asking, are you religious? I want to tell my parents but I’m not sure they’ll understand straight away... I don’t feel the need to ‘come out’ because I don’t see that helping my situation, as they may jump to conclusions. I’m really struggling to find therapists in the UK who do ERP. I am just so panicked right now.
Find an OCD therapist who does therapy via Skype if there is not one in your area. https://www.cognitivebehavioralcenter.com
Have you/anyone else used this service?
Was it good? Did they believe you
Yes, I see an OCD specialist at the link I posted. This is the clinic of Dr. Steven Phillipson who is a world renowned OCD therapist. There are several OCD clinics that offer online therapy that I would trust. There is this one out of NYC, but there are also ones in LA and Louisville.
I worked with his clinic. Horrible experience. I wish I could have afforded to work with hi and but the clinicians under him are lousy.
Most don’t take insurance, but have a tiered model where you what you pay is based on the experience level of the therapist, but they are all OCD experts and you can apply for out of network reimbursement with your insurance.
To further answer your question, yes they believe you and have such in depth experience with OCD that your spikes themes will require very little explanation because they will have probably treated the same issue many time before....no matter how unique you think your theme is.
I found it was helpful to just be able to talk to someone who completely understood. So there is somewhat of an immediate relief to an extent, but treatment takes a long time and a lot depends on how much work you put in between sessions. Good luck, I hope it goes well for you!
Thank you again. How long have you been in therapy with him (if you don’t mind me asking)?
I did about 3 months of individual therapy, then I took a break for a few months and I am currently in my 4th month of group therapy.
I don’t see Dr. Phillipson (he is like $450 per session with a huge waiting list). I see a post doctoral extern at the center. Everyone there is supervised and trained by him though. You just choose the experience level of therapist by what you can afford.
I’m scared to ask...but how much was each of your sessions? I really can’t afford expensive treatment...
$110 but that was awhile back. It goes down as low as $50 I think.
What made you go for the $110 therapist as oppose to the $50 one?
Just felt more comfortable with someone with more education. I have a doctorate, so I kind of felt like I wanted someone of similar education level to me, that’s probably just my own issues coming through though! I honestly think that anyone Dr. Phillipson has working for him will be great and anyone of them would be a better option than going in person to a local therapist who doesn’t understand OCD at all!
Hi! Firstly thanks to everyone on this group, such a beautiful supportive network. I wrote earlier a few times but basically wanted some advice...so I’m a girl with HOCD so fear of being gay. And my wonderful therapist (who’s helping me with CBT/ ERP) is a female and she’s been amazing with help... and now my OCD is giving me intrusive thoughts about her (HOCD themes). Has anyone else encountered this? Is this normal ? And most importantly, so I persevere? Thanks again!
A little clarification on my (and many others’) experience with HOCD. Yes, “I don’t care what my sexuality is, I just wanna know for sure” makes the case for HOCD stronger and more ‘qualified’ sounding- however that is not the only HOCD can manifest. Saying that, can trigger some HOCD sufferers who are simply weary of identifying as lgbtq (an understandable fear). Do NOT get me wrong however. I would do ANYTHING for my friends who are bi and gay. I love them SO dearly and will fight for them for forever. Lgbtq folk who struggle with their identities, and not being loved by the people who are supposed to love them no matter what- INSPIRE me with their resilience. Their strength. Their confidence to live out who they are to the fullest extent. I watched the movie Love, Simon and cried like a baby, and am incredibly excited that Pete Buttigieg is the USA’s first openly gay presidential candidate. However this does not discount the struggles that many lgbtq people face. So many are not accepted by their families, have extremely difficult life transitions, and agonize over coming out. These are not things that people willingly want to go through. Is is completely unreasonable for someone suffering with HOCD to also fear these things? As an example (I’m black)- there is a difference in saying that you wouldn’t want to be black because you believe we are less than, versus saying that you wouldn’t want to struggle with the same things that we do. Just because you understand the trials and tribulations that black people go through in this country and would not want that for yourself, does NOT mean you are racist. It simply means you understand that there is pain. And no human willingly wants pain. Although these are exact things lgbtq people have to deal with (making HOCD distinctly different from most other pure o themes because it becomes impossible to differentiate us from people actually struggling with their identity) it shouldn’t be ignored that HOCD sufferers fear them too! Why wouldn’t we? This is such a deep rooted issue for sufferers because, where you could say someone who is suffering with POCD would never hurt a child simply because their thoughts horrify them (and a real pedophile wouldn’t be scared of their thoughts) you can’t say the same for HOCD. For some of us HOCD people who have these specific fears, it’s even more difficult to trust that what we have is ocd and it’s even more difficult to explain to someone else that what we have is ocd. I’ve had different themes of OCD throughout my life and the obsessive and compulsive behaviors have been the same, but this one makes me feel like I don’t even get to qualify. What a mind-fuck for us, huh? Also understand, this definitely isn’t my only fear. I have been attracted to, day-dreamed about, and desperately wanted to be with one gender my entire life. Having a husband was something I’ve wanted for so very long. It IS a part of who I am and what I want. It’s distressing to think this could all be lost one day. To have these ‘dreams’ stolen by obsessive thoughts, and be made to believe that it was all a lie- is just as hard to deal with as any other form of ocd. When I envision the life that ocd is telling me I “actually” want- I’m filled with sadness. How do any of the rest of you deal with your ocd telling you that you want (or want to do) something- that you actually don’t? I know this can be controversial, and truly truly hope I do not offend anyone- lgbtq friends, I truly do love you. I just want everyone to know that what we can struggle with within each theme, can be very different- but none are any less important or qualified than the others. If you truly disagree and want to share, please be kind. I am just as fragile as a lot of us on here. I’m suffering too.
I’ve been diagnosed with OCD (strongest HOCD) and have worked on it with a therapist for the past 5 years. It got better, while not completely going away. But now that I have a boyfriend and the stakes seem to be much higher in my mind, my HOCD and ROCD have big time flared up. I went to a psychiatrist to consider options of medication to someone who said he treats OCD. HE HAD NO IDEA WHAT HOCD OR ROCD OR ANYTHING WAS and told me that I may be bi-sexual etc. etc. etc. My therapist told me that this happens so often due to lack of understanding. Has anyone had a similar experience with someone misdiagnosing you and saying your intrusive thoughts might actually be true?
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