So the only thing that bothers me. I tried to do erp on my own. Intensively as i could. No anxiety. Little discomfort. I tried doing it to see if i will still get anxiety from past experiences. Now I’m not sure if thats a compulsion and rumination. So i didn’t get anxiety when i did it. My therapist and I talked about maybe ill figure this thing out, maybe i wont. No anxiety. We were doing erp at that point. But when i sat with my therapist because i didn’t know if i needed to intentionally expose myself to past fears or if its rumination, i got confused and some anxiety creeped in. Thats when i felt scared to go and do my past fears. So i just don’t know if i should still try to expose myself without any fear, but maybe eventually it will creep in. Or should i not because thats rumination. Trying to figure it out. Or should i do erp as an exercise where i still do whatever i need to do but not figure anything out

Well im probably obsessing about how i used to have intrusive thoughts and how i dont get them anymore where i would supress and then have anxiety if i didnt do a compulsion to reverse the thought. Nowadays I try to see if i can get myself to experience anxiety part uncertainty so i can practice response prevention. I tend to ruminate a lot and cant accomplish a lot of things. I watched nocd podcast where Dr. Mcgarth said that erp can including completing things still while ruminating. As en exposure. I just dont know if i sit in my bathroom and try to do it on purpose to see if Ill get the anxiety is rumination. Like checking. Because one therapist said that thats actually is a good effort, but its probably rumination. Another therapist said that its not rumination unless you then think about it od analyze afterwards.

https://drmichaeljgreenberg.com/i-know-how-to-stop-ruminating-but-i-cant-seem-to-stop-all-the-time/

Keep doing the exposures. One of the tricks of OCD is to seek reassurance for “am i doing the therapy the right way?” I’m having that today myself. So you can say to yourself: maybe I am doing it the wrong way and will be stuck forever, but I’m willing to take the risk and try the exposures. Maybe at this point you can expose yourself to that idea over and over again, because it sounds like you are obsessing over not obsessing- make sense? I do the same.

One last tool I like- Once you reach exctinction where the anxiety goes away- you can just let the thoughts be there- wave at them-and say you will see them later if they want to come back

That makes a lot of sense. It’s sounding like you are really self aware 👏

Another thing. I monitor how im living. Like i tell myself what i like or what i want to be doing. Its like im in third person instead of just living in present moment, not having to think to live. Like even sometines how others preceive me through their eyes, where i shouldn’t care and live in present moment. Also i wanted to accomplish so much in my life, but like ocd is stopping me from doing it or accomplishing anything. Because im onsessing about not obsessing how i used to get intrusive thoughts with thought suppression and superstition on many themes. Now its not knowing if i was to keep exposing to my past fears is that considered a compulsion such as rumination to notice if im getting anxiety

Yeah the biggest part of this whole ballgame against ocd is living with uncertainty. It’s always coming up with new ways to win even if it’s subtle

But me doing erp on purpose as facing my fears as much as i can and not getting fear is considered rumination? Like i dont know

Either way- it’s not a bad to do erp regularly to keep ocd in check. Maybe try this. Give yourself a set amount of erp, like at every meal. Write down your scale of anxiety (1-10) when you’ve completed it. Once you get to a 1 or 2, stop doing erp for a week. Then do the same routine with the erp the next week. Does that make sense? Then if you have zero anxiety, you might stop the erp and space it out two weeks for the next time you do it. I have gone 6 months with no erp and have been fine, but I think doing it once a month for a couple days might not be a bad idea for me.

To answer your question- no- I don’t think not getting fear means you are ruminating. It might mean the spikes have left you alone and the ocd stopped trying.

Are you making yourself think about the problem because you think it’s exposure? Your intentions are good, but you’re probably just ruminating. Focus on Response Prevention (completely eliminating rumination) instead Thats what one therapist said

Sorry, are you asking me that your telling yourself that? It was unclear

So thats where im confused

I need a very specific erp to avoid ruminating. I’m doing imaginative story in my journal right now and exposing myself to it 3 x a day

Thats what the article said

So is it necessary to do erp constantly. Because idk if thats rumination or exposure without fear

No it’s not necessary to do it constantly. Limit yourself how often and select a time ahead of time so you don’t ruminate. You set the terms- not your brain

You might ask when can you stop doing the erp. Stop doing it after a couple weeks of consistency IF you don’t have anxiety anymore

Then put yourself on a monthly schedule to do it once a month while the anxiety remains dormant. If it increases again, and it will, give yourself a more frequent schedule, like 3 x a day

Like but ocd can be more then just anxiety. Like it could be uncertainty, doubt, disgust. Idk

I just dont want to do unccessasry rumination

Cause i feel like im still trying to figure it out if i need to do it when i in fact didnt get anxiety

Yeah I would say stop doing it for a week and tell yourself you’ll assess your anxiety at the end of the week to see if you need to do more erp

I have pure ocd- sometimes it’s hocd or rocd. Have you identified the thoughts you’re having?

Im not having any weird thoughts just the obsessing about not obsessing, because i did try to do erp and expose myself as much as i could in detail. Didnt get any anxiety. Just a little discomfort. To see and to practice response prevention. I wish i did that when i was little. One therapist said its just rumination. But another therapist said that its not rumination if you feel discomfort or anxiety, its whats following afterwards

Gotcha. It’s pretty great you aren’t having disturbing thoughts, but in sorry you’re still obsessing. I hope you find somebody to help you more if you need it!

So is also like tellling myself that because im thinking about ruminating and obsessing about obsessing and just doing the things i like and be myself, eventually the obsessions could come back whenever i be myself and do what i want to do?

Just want to corrct one of my lines. Obsessing about not onsessing instead of obsessing about obsessing

And i also instead of living in present i analyze how im doing things instead of just doing them

Like for example being myself

Hi Emmy. Since im not getting intrusive thoughts anymore, should i still practice erp? I tried doing erp to see if ill get a response, but i didnt.

Hey there. If your anxiety is gone you’ve got two options 1-try a more intense exposure for you. You can get creative or ask your therapist. 2- stop the erp for a while and then every couple weeks or so try it again. I’m not really the best at knowing what to do when the anxiety is low. I just on with my life and sometimes forget about the obsessive thoughts

So when you forget about them you dont expose yourself more? Or like the thoughts that scared you in the past when you dis erp, have they stopped bothering you? And do you still do erp on those

Are you doing well, like functioning well?

Yea

Just like thinking about living instead of just living and not thinking naturally

That good. I would practice living tomorrow. Forget erp for a while. Be mindful and see if anything comes up that prevents you from living. Keep a journal of it. Then revisit some exposures after a while just to keep up practice