Here's another question. I absolutely hate taking ocd meds. I hate the idea of something to depend on. Like, I abhore it. I hate being unable to fight things on my own, the whole dependency on big pharma is a trigger. I don't trust it. Maybe it's another theme. Who knows? Moreover, I'm very sensitive to meds, so the dose I can tolerate gives just a bit of relief if any, and the dose that might provide more relief gives me anxiety. but it takes SO MUCH mental energy and effort to deal with it on my own. It's exhausting. I'm exhausted ALL THE TIME. I don't know what to do. On the one hand I might actually really need it because I'm suffering, on the other hand, the thoughts of being chemically dependent on something is so damn scary.

I try to think of my meds as a tool moreso than something I'm dependant on. They help me stay emotionally "level" as I'm learning different coping strategies. I'm hoping one day I will be able to just rely on my coping strategies and not need the meds, but if I don't get there I'll be just fine to keep taking them too. :)

This is how I felt too. I got off them and started working on me and started therapy and I feel much worse but I know that it’s more valuable to teach myself and I’ll get there

Survivingantidepressants.org

So I have literally felt with this too, when I was in college I felt incident on not taking meds, same with my father. He has lived his whole life up until 60 with no meds and no help for mental health. But here’s what I told him: you KNOW you can live without it, you have made it this far, but why wouldn’t you want your quality of life to be better? I know I wish he had been on them for years and he finally has and is a better person for it. I actually had to up my meds this year with the pandemic and I was like ughhh but the thing is, if you are having a hard time right now, be on meds, if you want to go off of them down the road do it! (But as a medical professional SSRIs like sertraline) what I’m on, are so safe! You could be on them for 50+ years, if you wanted with no health consequence. So my point being just because you’re on it right now doesn’t mean you always have to be. I also felt exhausted battling my ocd for it felt like hours a day, but untimetly I wanted to up them because I could see it effecting my relationship with my friends and boyfriend. And I was not going to wreck and push away someone who loves me. I do still struggle with OCD and do still feel the need to do therapy but it’s like wowwww so much easier to work though things I feel so blessed to have access. I am personally an advocate, I think it’s wonderful we have access to something to make our lives easier as compared to if we lived 100 years ago. You know you can live without them, but sometimes we have to ask ourselves what are you trying to prove? Because if it’s that you don’t need meds, you have already done that. Also we wouldn’t ever deny medication for helping with something like low blood pressure or asthma, so why mental disorders?