I'm gonna puke. Please help....

Trueeee I think every theme I’ve had had turned out someone on this app has had it too. Even the most random ones

This will sound so dumb but I am so afraid rn... I don't even know if I should say bc it isn't a typical theme

@Fighter I want to hear, I know that it’s not your thoughts.

@Twrecks It’s just ur ocd trying to scare you

@Twrecks Okay, please don't judge. So a couple weeks ago I went to a game night thing at my college and a dude kept looking my way. I kind of thought maybe he liked me or whatever but I just brushed it off. Later that night, he had found my IG and messaged me and said it was nice to meet me (all we said was hi lol) and that if I wanted to talk more I could have his number. I took his number to be nice and really had no intetions of using it or messaging him with it. But then for the next couple of days my mind obsessed and obsessed over if that was really right to not text him, if I really did want to text him, if I was a jerk for not being attracted to him, etc. etc. It didn't help that I told my sister and she was all like "text him" because she says I need a bf lol but I really didn't want to. My mind obsessed for a few days to a week over if I actually liked him in person and just not in his IG pics but I couldn't remember and my mind tried go over the event where I met him barely and gain certainty over if I thought he was attractive etc and if I was just superficial. Well anyways for the last three weeks now my mind has been getting intrusive thoughts that I think he is cute or that in certain pictures he was and that I had to text him and its made me so anxious. I have really been trying to accept uncertainty with it but its been holding me back bc I don't even know if its OCD!! My counselor said it probably was but I never told her the specifics just what i thought the compulsions were. I have never heard of someone with a theme like this. The thing that is making me most nervous now is that I was just watching videos from my school's film fest and he was in one and I didn't know he wad going to be in it and so I was caught way off guard. My mind had a thought right when he came on screen "he's cute" and then I realized it was him and tried to think "did I really think that" now i am afraid i really am attarcted to him and want to go out with him :( i know this sounds so crazy and I hate it so much. He is nice Im sure, I just really didn't see myself with him but my mind is second guessing so much its like I dont even know anymore. Makes me wish I had never gone to that stupid game night :(

@Bryan But why this? I do like guys. I jsyt didn't like him I guess

@Bryan Okay thank you. I guess to me yours makes sense because you dont like guys. But this is with the gender i like so why is it happening. Im not in a relationship either. I think this is what keeps me stuck it questioning if it is ocd

@Bryan Okay thank you Bryan. I definitely see where your shame comes from with this and why it would be hard to get over 💗 I have experienced HOCD too but as a lesser theme than some others. It seemed so out there (for me personally) that my OCD wasn't as bad around ig but with this it seemed like "well you do like boys so why not him" "are you sure?" I guess it wasnt only looks. He's more sporty and gamery and I tend to like more artsy guys and stuff. But then having the thought that he was cute totally threw my mind into" you think he is cute you want to message him and when you do you will fall in love" 😒 thank you for being so understanding. Most people I told were confused and didn't understand it at all and acted almost as if it wasn't ocd which made me spiral more of course! I think my mind is just having a tough time handling the uncertainty and wants to know 100% i dont like him, don't want to message him, made the right decision, etc. I am trying accept uncertainty and just say "maybe" but its hard when I want to look at pictures of him to check my attraction :(

@Bryan No 😳 thats why this is so disturbing because I do like guys just didn't like him. Thats why I felt it was an uncommon theme. Why is my mind obsessing over it if I am not a lesbian and I do like guys??

@Bryan Do you think this means it isn't OCD?

@Bryan But how do I know. I had a thought that he was cute and im freaking out!! I don't know how to deal with it. Idk maybe it wasn't true but it felt like it.