This is the weirdest most dumb obsession and everytime i talk about it people dont understand. I am starting to think it isn't OCD. I'm crying right now and feel so shaky. I was doing so well why a new obsession?? Why?

Thank you Daria❤ but how can I know when I have never heard it listed? I mean I keep doing checking compulsions, and ruminating but it is so hard to tell if its ocd when it very well could be real.

Hello! I am here. Are you okay?

@novemberwest Thank you for replying. I am alright but kind of anxious. Do you remember what we talked about the other day and how I was afraid I had a crush on that person I didn't like?

@Ocdismean Deep breaths. I do remember.

@novemberwest Okay well things got more complicated :( so to try to kind of prove I didn't like him, I brought up someone else in my mind who I thought I would maybe date because they are really nice and I have known them for awhile and stuff. This made my OCD a million times worse though because I feel really guilty. I don't know why either. I just do. And now I feel like I really wouldn't ever date this guy who I thought I may. I can't figure it out either. Its making me so nercous and I honestly do not care either way BUT if I say I don't that must mean I really did want to be with the other dude too at some point and I'm just trying to be in denial. This is extremely difficult because I feel like I have to know. What is true? What isn't? This has started to make me think maybe I don't ever want to date, or maybe I am asexual or attarcted to girls. I just wish I had never brought the other guy into this in my mind because now ever time I think about how I did I get really anxious. I don't even know why I am anxious. I just want this stupid agony to end because none of this makes sense. It doesn't help that I haven't had my meds refilled in at least a week and my birthday is coming up and I want to be better then :( sorry for ranting. If you have any ERP advice please give it, I am so confused and shaking

@Ocdismean Do you communicate at all with the first guy? If not, is your anxiety making you nervous because you aren’t talking? Do you think that maybe talking to him will help you figure out these confusing feelings you’re having? It’s okay to have these feelings, but just know you don’t need to feel guilty for inwardly rejecting the second guy. It’s okay to not understand your sexuality because one day you’ll meet someone and maybe their gender won’t mean anything.

@novemberwest The first guy is the one I really don't like. The second one I don't see as a "crush" but if he texted me I would maybe text him or even hang out. I don't know. My mind hates me so much right now and I hate it back

@novemberwest Honestly think it is my OCD messing with me. I decided I didn't like the first guy but OCD is getting in the way so I thought about the other one to make myself feel better but I don't and I feel so sad and sick

@Ocdismean Hmm, maybe reaching out the guy would ease some anxiety. Maybe all these nerves are building up and making things harder for you.

@novemberwest Which one?

@Ocdismean The second guy, the one you like right? But maybe even reaching out to both just to talk could help too. But of course, if even the thought of it makes you anxious, don’t push yourself to do it, okay? Do you have any thoughts on that?

@novemberwest Wait I think I’m confusing myself here

@novemberwest You don’t see Him as a crush right? I’m sorry I’m doing so many things at once here haha. I read too fast too I think

@novemberwest Im sorry its my fault. Its so confusing. I dont really know anymore. He is an old friend from youth group and a friend of my older brother's. He was talking awhile back about how I should date him and I thought I might be okay with it if he reached out. Now I put thoughts of him in my mind and kind of thought about him I think to try to prove I didn't like the other guy and that I wasn't gay. I think i am just anxious now I am feeling almost disgusted by him and anxious like the other guy and I am so afraid that means I do like the first guy when i don't. I really don't have any interest in thinking about this for another moment. I don't care anymore I just want to know the truth and move on but I can't I am too scared and sad. I can't even rationally think if i like the second guy.

@novemberwest This is so stupid. I'm sorry. I feel so embarrassed right now

@Ocdismean Please don’t apologize. I think that maybe distancing yourself from both of them and avoid reaching out might be a good idea for now. If the thought of them is making you sick and anxious it’s not a good idea to communicate with either of them until you know for sure. It doesn’t mean that you’re uninterested in men, which isn’t a bad thing so don’t let that worry your either, it’s just some confusing feelings you have right now.

@novemberwest Okay. I mean I know I dont like the first its just my OCD i think but I am sos scared its not. The second I guess I thought maybe but I keep comparing the thoughts and stuff I hate it so much. Do you think its OCD? What if its real? I'm so scared right now

@Ocdismean Make sure you’re breathing deep. It could be your OCD, and it could also be some anxiety you’re facing too. Are you scared of the feelings of one or the other, or the thought you may not understand your sexuality?

@novemberwest The first guy I really don't like and I am scared it may be true. The second one I don't know I was just trying to convince myself I liked him I think so I wouldn't think of the other guy who my OCD was trying to gain certainty on.

@novemberwest It would also be scary if I was gay because I don't think I am

@Ocdismean I think you have a lot of anxiety about these two guys. If you’re scared that you like him, I would cut off all contact and avoid messaging him.

@novemberwest Okay. I mean I never messaged him. I didn't want to but was afraid I did secretly or that I should have. I think that was my OCD. It made me question everything. The other guy its more confusing and I hate it. I am not talking with him either so it litetally DOESN'T matter but I think my main fear is that if I don't like him, I am lying about the other guy OR that if I don't like him, I must like the other guy. I think it is mainly just me trying to rationalize not texting the guy who seemed to like me. The whole thing is so stupid and I hate it so much. I just want to know "This is OCD quit worrying about it" and these thoughts are or aren't true and move on. :(

@Ocdismean I understand. It can be scary sometimes to not understand your feelings.

@Ocdismean Accept that you are confused. Trying to figure out your feelings is bad bc OCD doesn't listen to logic. At all. No matter how hard you will try. The best method is just continuing living and accepting that maybe you DO like him but avoid. Just think of that, I know feels impossible to think bc it seems wrong. But you need to accept this to see that it's not true

@Daria Alexandrovna Absolutely. I agree with this as well. It may be difficult at first, but I think it’s for the best if you avoid him. Figure out your feelings, Your OCD is only going to make this harder on you, and that’s not what we want. You got this.

@novemberwest Yes, the best fighter for OCD is indifference to what nonsense your mind might tell you and yell and you so you listen to it.

@Daria Alexandrovna Wait I thought avoidance was bad?? I mean I don't plan on going out with him or anything haha but i didn't think you are supposed to avoid these things

@Ocdismean Trying to text him and see what you feel is figuring it out. I think maybe it's okay if you text him on some guestions but id you do, you need to not do any mental compulsions and checking your feelings. You can use this as ERP but it's really hard

@Ocdismean I just think that it's not really avoidance, it's continuing to live your life, as you didn't have to text him before so why would you now lol. only as exposure maybe

@Daria Alexandrovna Oh okay. Just making sure I understood! I completely did not want to message him but it made me really anxious that I secretly did!! I think I will just try to forget about it and move on

@Ocdismean Accept thar maybe you did secretly did that. Maybe not. Accepting uncertainty and that it's not scary to do that. It really hard though I know

Well I would like to but I talked to multiple people on here and they didn't get it. It really made me think it was real so now I am a little scsred to say

@Ocdismean No worries, you are not going to be pressured to share, okay? Just because no one here understands, does not mean that there isn’t someone who will.

@novemberwest Okay. I mean I thought it seemed totally like OCD but when people talked they didn't seem convinced or it felt they thought I was mean and I am just so upset about it

@Ocdismean Because they don’t understand. Sometimes my family thinks I’m dumb doing things the way I do because they don’t get it. I’ve read so many people’s stories, and each one was different from the last. But then there were some where many people experienced it. I just joined this app, and I am already finding out different things everyone else is going through. They might not understand, but maybe you’ll find someone here in this section that will.

@novemberwest Okay. I guess I could tell in a more basic way. Basically I am a girl, not gay , I am straight and I am single not in a relationship. With all that out of the way, my OCD is trying VERY hard to convince me and confuse me that I have a crush on a guy who messaged me. I keeo checking to make sure I'm nit attracted and looking at pictures and stuff to make sure I don't want to message him. Its really hard because I have heard of HOCD but it isn't like thst because I DO have crushes on guys, I just didn't really like this guy. And it isn't ROCD either because I am single. So I could totally message him, go out with him, etc but I just didn't want to and wasn't feeling it but my mind is making me go over and over again if it is true, if I like him, if I should really message him, if I want to, if I'm secretly lesbian because I didn't like him, etc. And I have told lots of people about this but they have not quite got it. One even said "id just text him 😉" and it made me so nervous. At this point I just wish I never would have met him because I hate this so much

@novemberwest I hope that didn't sound incredibly stupid or mean. I mean I am sure this guy is really nice and stuff but I just didn't feel like I liked him.

@Ocdismean Okay- sounds like this is a lot of back and forth with just this one guy. Have you felt like this with only him? And I have talked to a couple people who felt this way. One girl figured it had to be HOCD, and another still hasn’t understood what they were feeling. Does he make you uncomfortable? Is this Why you feel so nervous at the thought of him? Have you had any thoughts like this towards women too? Or any thoughts of being with a woman?

@novemberwest And that wasn’t stupid at all. I’m hear to listen, no judging here.

@Ocdismean OCD is ego dystonic. So it occurs when you want one thing but are afraid you might want something else. This is the core of OCD and this is what makes people fear what they think or might want. So you DON'T want it, but you became scared you might want this. This is clearly OCD to me

@novemberwest Thank you. I have had fearful thoughts like I actually like women or family members etc. This one almost seems worse though because he is a guy and I am a straight girl. There is nothing wrong with him, like he didn't seem mean or sketchy, just didn't really seem like my type. But my mind is trying to convince me that isn't a good reason and I should give him a chance. I hate it so much. I wish my mind would leave me alone

@Daria Alexandrovna Thank you for explaining this better!

@Daria Alexandrovna My therapist said to her it was ocd too but I never got to dive into the content just what my compulsions were. I am just so scared about it

@Ocdismean I would say Daria explained what you are feeling really well. Would you say that is how you’re feeling? Or that it might make sense to you? It does sound like your OCD is really getting to you this time- and if youre truly worried I would maybe avoid messaging him for a bit to find how you are feeling. The back and forth mental attacks over this guy might make things worse.

@novemberwest Thank you both. This actually was really helpful and I may be able to get some sleep tonight haha. I was feeling better actually earlier and accepting "maybe I do, maybe I don't like him" but it spiraled again :/ so thank you both.

@Ocdismean We are here for you! I hope that you sleep well tonight. And I’m so glad we helped. :)

@novemberwest I would say so, yeah. It is a lot how I'm feeling. He dm'd me 3 weeks ago and just said it was nice to meet me and that if I wanted to talk more I could have his number. I could it to be polite but never intended on using it but my mind has gone over and over again if that was mean, if i was really attarcted tk him when I met him in person (we barely met in person) etc. so for weeks I have ruminated over if I really was attracted and wanted to message him or should out of obligation etc.

@novemberwest Thank you! And also sorry for adding another message I hadn't seen your extra one

@Ocdismean It takes a long time to heal sometimes (and sometimes not) Trying to not think performs badly as a method. I suggest you to fill your life with different activities so you have these islands of concentration on something else. And when you do face this thought, like 'what if I like him?' for ex., try to acknowledge that you think that, but rather than really trying to figure it out, just say 'What I feel and think is normal. I will let myself feel all this and think about this. It's not scary that I might like him.' and sit with the thought, not trying to convince yourself otherwise and find proofs that it's not it. The anxiety lessens with time!

@novemberwest oh I'm glad when I can help somebody here as some people really helped me many times 😊

@Ocdismean I understand. Don’t feel pressured to do something you’re not comfortable with or don’t understand your feelings.

@Daria Alexandrovna Thank you guys. I feel better now. Thanks for understanding. I still am having a tough time with it because it seems normal and I shouldnt obsess over it. I have dealt with lots of themes and they were more crazy like harm and so even though it felt real at times it also was like so crazy it seemed like it must be OCD but this was more normal it seemed like "oh not OCD you like him" or you will never truly know etc. and thats what made it so hard

@Ocdismean If you ever need anything, just message in here again and we’ll see it. That’s what OCD will do to you. Don’t let it drive you nuts, okay? It can be so hard but we are here when you need us. Stay safe.

@novemberwest Thank you ❤ my therapist doesn't always reply on weekends (which is totally understandable) so I was extra anxious. If you ever need anything I am here to talk as well. Thank you for not just telling me it must be true, etc.

@Ocdismean Of course!!

@Ocdismean Not to reassure you or anything, but I think I've somewhat dealt with that before. I had a crush on this guy for a very long time, but his friend DMed me to confess. I politely rejected him, but after that I always had thoughts of the guy I rejected ever single time I would think about my crush. I did mental compulsions, felt guilty that I didn't guve him a chance, avoided him, prayed to God that thoughts about him would vanish, feared that I actually had a crush on him because I rejected him, etc. I didn't even know that I had ocd at that time, but that thoughts went on for months. Now I know that I could possibly be OCD.

@♧ Wow that actually sounds so similar. Thank you for sharing!! I do not have a specific crush but I do have guys that I would be interested in but I feel so much guilt like I should just give this guy a chance or a shot. Its horrible. I just want to move on. It totally made me wish I hadn't met him haha just so this wouldn't be occuring

@Ocdismean you can do this, in time the thoughts will eventually lessen..

@♧ Thank you for the encouragement! How you deal with yours? Did you do ERP with it or did it just gradually go away?

@Ocdismean i didn't know i had ocd at that time, so i didn't do anything about it. But when my mind went on to over anlyze other things, it gradually went away. Maybe try to distract yourself (?)

@♧ Okay! I forgot you said you didn't know at the time, my bad. I will try thank you!!

But these people did have OCD :( and they still didn't seem to get it even though they tried to :(

@Ocdismean Sorry to hear that. Don't be sad if they do not understand. Keep trying everyday to react less to obsessions. Yoh are not alone.

@ibrar Thank you. Any tips on differentiating if it is really OCD or not?

@Ocdismean OCD: fear of the thought, fear of having the thought, usually people with OCD have thoughts like multiple times in a day, sometimes all day, sometimes because they have been triggered by something. Compulsions. Mental, physical. Mental checking of feelings, comparing, doing something to reassure you that everything is okay. Usually OCD is debilitating or becomes really bad and interferes with person's normal life. But not IN ALL CASES. everyone is different.

@Ocdismean Hi! So sorry you’re going through this :( but you’re not alone. This is a very helpful and loving community. This is how I know it’s OCD: if I have a super strong urge to know the answer to my thought and i feel like I NEED it right now- it’s OCD. The thought occupies my whole mind (the obsessive nature of ocd) and I can’t stop thinking about it until I get some sort of relieve or answer (the compulsion!)