Has anyone ever had old themes resurface after years of it not bothering you? I dealt with HOCD fears for years in college and then one day, they just stopped. I started doing therapy this year for relationship obsessions regarding intrusive fears of my fiance cheating on me. Randomly this past week, I watched a video of a YouTuber I like who I’ve watched for years and have really identified with her style and overall aesthetic. In the video, she came out as bisexual and is now dating a woman, and i have been having all of these irrational fears that I have been bisexual this whole time, even though my fears in college were that I was actually a lesbian. I have never had a legitimate desire to date a woman or have that kind of relationship with a woman. I have just had a lot of intrusive thoughts about that in college that caused me extreme distress. After college though for some reason, those obsessions just stopped and I have just been living my life the last 3 years praying they dont come back and even laughing to myself when i think that those kinds of thoughts used to bother me. I have been in a loving relationship with my fiance for the past 2 years and have never felt more like myself since being with him. It has only confirmed what I already knew to be true about my sexuality as a straight woman. He and I are getting married in three weeks. It’s like my fears have totally switched from him being a cheater to me being secretly bisexual this whole time. I have not had any sexuality based obsessions since being with him and it is so incredibly distressing to me to have these thoughts now. Of all the times I could have in the last two years, why are they coming up 3 weeks before our wedding? I don’t think being bisexual is wrong, it’s just not who I am. I know deep down that if I was, it would not be something I didn’t think about for years and then get reminded of it by a random video. Any advice? My therapist is out of town this week and I could really use some non-reassurance advice. Thank you!!

Lili

Date posted: 4y

I’m not a therapist but have recently been working with one for HOCD myself! It sounds like an old theme is being triggered by something (watching that YouTuber come out as bi) during a potentially stressful time (an approaching wedding and traditionally big commitment!). Your anxious OCD mind is going to love and thrive off the uncertainty created by the fluidity of human sexuality - basically, take a combo of stress and anxiety (even if it’s not super obvious) and upcoming commitment to a sort of big “unknown” (getting married) and throw in a sprinkling of any kind of trigger and BOOM- intrusive thoughts have the breeding ground they need to keep you in an obsessive state. I’ve definitely had this theme come and go (started in college for me as well and then resurfaced years later in my mid-20s) and I’m realizing it will always be there, but it’s about accepting the discomfort of uncertainty and not trying to continually “prove” to myself that I’m straight. I hope you have a wonderful wedding and I wish you the BEST in grappling with the difficulty that is OCD ❤️

Justmesadly

Date posted: 4y

This is correct. It was brought back to surface by a stressful time that’s what ocd loves to do

AMK

Date posted: 4y

Thank you so much for your help and kind words! It helps so much to know that other people deal with this as well. I am just going to keep sitting with these thoughts and shrugging my shoulders and saying “maybe” when they come up. I won’t let ocd win! Thank you and best of luck to you in your therapy!

Justmesadly

Date posted: 4y

@AMK Great plan! You can beat it again

AMK

Date posted: 4y

@Justmesadly Thank you!! ☺️

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