When I was 6-8 I kissed my niece, and around 10 I (almost) had intercourse with my nephew (THANK GOD I didnt, otherwise I wouldve killes myself by now.) I cant help but feel guilty for the things ive done, What makes it worst is my niece remembers, I know for a fact she remembers because when we kissed I was like "Do you want to play gta" and about 2 years ago she was like "Do you remember when we played gta?" I was like "Huh we never played gta together its 1 player (offine). And she was like "Not that" My guilt has started ever since that. When I was 11, I played a game called "Fix" with her and gave her a message, to touch her "BUTT" (sorry silly word). I cant think of any other route than suicide. Not to mention, When I was 10-11 I had sex with my cat and dog, (once again THANK GOD I didnt put my genital in then or anything because one again, i wouldve commited suicide by now) I did play with my male dogs genitals though. Im also feeling guilty about this, I wish I could go back and time and not do it, I would never do it now. And once again, I cant think of any other route than suicide. Lastly, When I was 13, I catfished a girl, I used to be a pretty big person and was scared. ( I uses to date online.) I broke up with her though, not because I catfished her, though thats part of it. Sensitive -- When she was younger, she was sadly, molested by her (Close person), thats not the reason though, the reason is because she always talked about suicide, she cut herself, etc. It was killing me, I was already dealing with alot of stress. I wanted to tell her that I was lying to her before we broke up, but not just that I didnt have the heart, though thats most of it, because I couldnt handle the stress anymore. That was the second person ive been in a relationship with that cuts. My long ago ex, I broke up with because she was practically cheating on me, talked to her ex more than me, STILL LIKE HER EX, etc, and her ex told me she cheated on me, but she said he lied, anyways, thats not the point. When me and this girl broke up (I broke up with her) she sent pictures of cuts on her wrist, with a caption saying, "you did this". I dont think I can do life anymore, I was 11 when my long ago ex did that, (Yes I know I was young, online dated alot though.) I want to kill myself

Hey Dan! I actually was writing a reply to you the other day but the post disappeared. You've gone thru a lot of stuff. Traumatic things are hard to work through.. Is your therapist addressing the tough things in your past too? Such as your ex? You are not a monster. OCD wants you to magically come up with a time machine, to go back and rearrange the past. But how rude of OCD to demand such an impossible task! We can never please OCD. And it's the OCD shouting all these distressing thoughts and memories at you, it's not your fault. Please stop judging your past, please don't judge your decisions from being a child. Your brain develops rapidly right up until our 20's, which is a scientific fact. Our decision making and understanding is one of those parts that constantly develop! A child doesn't know touching fire will burn them, but we as adults know that. Likewise, we do things when we are children with a completely different level of understanding than to an adult. When I was a young child I used to take my goldfish out of the tank and put it in my hand, or on the carpet and watch it squirm around. I feel bad about that! But also, I was a kid right? So many people in my real life, have told me face to face that they have had sexual experiences with other children, yes sometimes other children in their family. The young brain literally doesn't understand decision making as we adults do. It's not their fault. I encourage you to just keep on keeping on with therapy! 🙏 Jesus says in Matthew 28:11 Come to me all who are weary and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly. All the toiling and distress and fear and never ending pain, can be finished when coming to Jesus. Draw close to God, and He will draw close to you. Life doesn't have to be this way Dan. Life doesn't have to be defined by hopelessness! It's quite bizzare I honestly woke up thinking about your post from the other day, and came to check the app, it's early morning when I live. And this post was the first on my feed!! So I am glad I got to finally talk to you. Please don't give up Dan. You are very important and have so much worth. You were bought at a price! 👍👍👍👍👍👍

Hey Dan my number is 626-392-9219 if u wanna talk I know exactly what ur going though literally!

*through

U would be surprised how unalone u are