- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
Please don’t kill yourself because it’s going to get better. Right now it feels really intense but with therapy and talking to people that will subside.
- Date posted
- 4y
You have to stop this. You’ve posted this many times. Are you in therapy? Are you doing erp? Stop seeking reassurance, stop doing compulsions and do the things you love. If you can’t help yourself and want to get better than no one else can either
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes im sorry, its because the guilt just keeps coming back
- Date posted
- 4y
@Dan The guilt won’t go away until you accept and realize you can’t change what you did as a child. Did you listen to the podcast from Brene brown about guilt and shame? Did you read her books? These childhood things suck but childhood play is so so normal. You have to force yourself to just deal with the thoughts and not engage in them
- Date posted
- 4y
@Justmesadly Having sex with animals isnt a childhood play though, what about that one
- Date posted
- 4y
@Dan Yes it is. You had no idea what you were doing. You had no idea it wasn’t appropriate! You’re a child when you are 10-12. You can’t understand the consequences of your actions or what they mean! You need to work on realizing you’re not perfect and you have shame and guilt to deal with (these are things I’m also dealing with and I know it’s difficult as hell)
- Date posted
- 4y
@Justmesadly Oh what are you dealing with if you dont mind me asking (Not sarcasm I just wanted to know lol)
- Date posted
- 4y
@Justmesadly I mean I put it on its butt. (OH MY GOD I HATE SAYING THAT.)
- Date posted
- 4y
@Dan I also played doctor and house inappropriately as a child 6-11 years old, 3 times.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Justmesadly oh
- Date posted
- 4y
@Justmesadly These are age guesses bc my mind blocked it out so much that I have no real remeberanace of how old
- Date posted
- 4y
@Justmesadly Oh
- Date posted
- 4y
@Dan Lol what does that mean
- Date posted
- 4y
@Justmesadly Oh nothing I just didnt know what to say and wanted to respond so I just said Oh
- Date posted
- 4y
@Dan Lol okay
- Date posted
- 4y
@Justmesadly This is so random haha hello.. but do you have Insta or something? I see you post a lot about real event and I’d love to talk to you privately 🥺
- Date posted
- 4y
@jen Sorry I like to keep my life as private as possible so I’m not going to give out my socials
- Date posted
- 4y
@Justmesadly No worries <3
- Date posted
- 4y
That's jesus showing you that he hears you and wants to look deeper in scripture. I encourage you to read John 8, verses 1-12! It is inspiring! Ask him to give you peace and reassurance!
- Date posted
- 4y
Alright, thanks
- Date posted
- 4y
@Dan Keep in touch! We can beat OCD!
- Date posted
- 4y
@cmaconochie Will do
- Date posted
- 4y
You are confessing (compulsion) and seeking reassurance (compulsion) that you're not disgusting and that you were a kid to absolve you of guilt. And people are giving it to you and feeding your OCD cycle. Maybe you knew you shouldn't do those things and you did them anyways. Maybe you didn't know. Either way you have to live with the uncertainty of being a bad human being if you're gonna get better from OCD. A good way to work on this is write down what OCD has taken from you, how it has hurt you and the people you love. This can be used as motivation to not give in to the urge to do compulsions. People do bad things and they learn to live with it. I'm betting its not the awareness you did something bad, its the uncertainty of what it means about you?
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes actually. And I know they were giving me reassurance, but it feels like it helps. I feel like it changes who I am, Ive always wanted long hair but everytime i get the courage to grow out my hair here come the thoughts, "you kissed your niece, you had sex with animals" Etc.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Dan Uh no. I was not intentionally giving you reassurance. As I’ve told to many times I’m not going to reassure you and have told you to stop posting. But you also need to be able to reassure yourself to at you didn’t do damage that you think you did. I’m telling you exactly what my ocd therapist and previous therapist have told me.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Justmesadly No not you, ive asked alot of people
- Date posted
- 4y
@Justmesadly Like ALOT of people
- Date posted
- 4y
@Dan Oh okay good, I don’t want to responsible for making people worse
- Date posted
- 4y
@Justmesadly But how does reassurance make it worst
- Date posted
- 4y
@Dan Of course it feels like it helps. That's why all of us keeps doing compulsions, because they help. For a short time. Until we do it again and again. And suddenly we've spent years stuck in OCDs prison. The intrusive thoughts will always come, but you can choose not to do compulsions. Neither reassuring yourself you are a good person, and not confessing and making others take part. You are strong and you have it in you! What is something you can do right now to break out of what the urges want you to do? What would you do if OCD was not part of your life? To live with the uncertainty of maybe having hurt kids and animals, maybe being sexually deviant, but still go ahead and live your life.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Dan I literally told you word for word what therapist have told me. Will I tell you again? No bc that will become reassurance
- Date posted
- 4y
@Justmesadly What? I only asked how reassurance makes it worst..?
- Date posted
- 4y
@Dan Take the compulsion of checking. If you are worried the stove is on, you go and check, oh, OK, its not on! But then you're uncertain. So you to check again. This does not only take a lot of time, it also reinforces the feeling of not being able to trust yourself. Reassurance works the same way. You don't just ask one time. It's never truly enough, because you can never be truly certain. And the more you check, reassure or ruminate the more uncertain you ultimately feel. Despite the temporary relief. The only reason anyone keeps doing compulsions is because they give that sweet relief. But we got to remember that the relief doesn't last for long. Have you ever gotten reassurance and not come back here to get more? I'm betting you don't want to have to go on this app for the rest of your life spending a lot of time getting reassurance. It will never feel like enough.
- Date posted
- 4y
@asdfghj the only things that stops the thought are playing my game to be honest.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Dan Yeah I know I wasn’t answering your question. I was further explaining. I’m not a therapist so I can’t tell you the science behind it I just know that reassurance only helps for a certain amount of time until you need to ask again or until you find something else to seek reassurance about
- Date posted
- 4y
@Dan Recovery from being plagued by OCD doesn't aim to stop the thought. And trying to stop it will also make it worse. The aim is to let the thought be, as its just a thought, like any other thought. Its your life. You can chose to do hard things that will lead you closer to getting better and having a happier life or you can listen to the OCD and stay stuck.
- Date posted
- 4y
@asdfghj Yeah but you know deep down outside of OCD im a piece of crap for the things ive done
- Date posted
- 4y
@Dan You're seeking reassurance again. Maybe you are, maybe you're not. Maybe it doesn't even matter. Maybe it does.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Dan Those things are in the past. You’re not the same person anymore.
- Date posted
- 4y
Dan, the guilt you are having is a symptom of your OCD! I know it can be extremely tough but you can get through this!!!! If I may ask? Are you religious? I am a testimony of how the lord as been my medicine throught the toughest points of my life with OCD! You will beat this! God bless!
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes I am, not to the point I follow every commandment orderly though. But I dont think just people with OCD would feel guilt about having "sex" with their cat and dog..
- Date posted
- 4y
@Dan Dan, you did not have sex with your pet if you touched their parts! Especially if you were that young!That's the part of your OCD that wants you to feel guilty! Say a prayer and ask Jesus to give you a break!!!! He hears you!
- Date posted
- 4y
@cmaconochie Ive asked alot and everytime I do, I honestly feel better for a second, dont know if its my OCD playing tricks on me though. But after that second, they come back
- Date posted
- 4y
@cmaconochie You absolving him of guilt is playing into his compulsions. Reassuring it is OCD is also playing into the compulsion.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
Hey i dont even know if i belong here or not because i dont think so i have ocd i am just making an excuse for the past crimes i have committed i am 18 now and about to be 19 so just wanted to share something i know for sure i have done this crime when i was 13 or 14 because why would i think and feel guilty over an act i have never committed for 5 years so yeah i came to know about this thing OCD and now i am putting my crimes to it and false memory that kinda stuff but in my mind its always like that "you have done those acts i have proof" after asking my sister 3 times that do you even remember a glimpse of my inapproriate behaviour towards you but no she has answered "nope if i did i would tell you i never felt uncomfortable around you " well how may she remember when she was sleeping when i did those acts and yeah she was 12 too so she must be a deep sleeper well my mind have too much proof that i am a sexual abuser i dont know why i am still typing but just wanted to know do i deserve to live anymore because according to me i am done i cant tolerate these disgusting thoughts about my sister and i may be a threat to her and i dont deserve to live in this family i love them so much but i cant do it anymore i am such a monster they deserve so much better
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 16w
All the past stuff can’t seem to let go of me. I lied, I normalized horrible things, I’ve tried to be moral in an immoral environment. Two people are dead and I could’ve done something. One of them probably deserved it. They were a pedophile, and I know the relationship they had with me was horrible. The other was a close friend. We were in that environment together, and while I grew away from it, he got further into it. And now he’s dead, hanged himself over some sick perversion someone placed in his mind. I’ve seen such sick things. I knew things were wrong. I tried telling people. I told that friend, it isn’t normal. Isn’t this stuff wrong? Aren’t we being influenced? He didn’t see it. I should’ve tried harder to make him see my way. I’m away from all of it. But he never got to get away. I remember telling people I knew from that environment, those online spaces. Since I was sixteen, I knew it was off. I knew these ideas planted in our heads were sick. I tried to convince people when I turned eighteen, but nobody saw it. Everyone was still brain washed. I’m a horrible person, I haven’t done enough to stop anything. I’ve always had a passion to help people, but I never was able to. I’ve been uncomfortable with sex for a while, but I can’t stop. I remember being uncomfortable with a girl in my school. She was really sexual towards me. I tried to tell the office, nobody listened, it’s just a crush. And then I started to like it, but it still felt wrong. And then she got expelled, and I was telling people she harassed me. Nobody really took it serious, it was just funny, so I exaggerated and said she squeezed my crotch and it hurt. Then people finally sympathized with me. There was another lie, a lie that still hurts me. There was a girl in our class. Everyone made jokes about her, I tried to be nice and talk to her, but then she got a bit creepy towards me. She wouldn’t stop following me. It got uncomfortable. What did I do? I lied again, because everyone started making jokes about how she liked me and I was uncomfortable. I said she made a suggestive comment to me, and they all laughed. I just wanted it to stop. I lied, again. I am deceitful. That poor girl wrote in my yearbook and thanked me for being a good friend, but I made her into a joke just to save my own skin. I am a coward, I hurt people, and I deserve to be put down like an animal. I’m sorry for making myself seem like someone else, I tried to help as much people as I could, I tried. All I want is to be good, but too much bad has happened. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to try and redeem myself everyone. You all are so strong. I’m not going to harm myself, but I accept that I have evil within me.
- Date posted
- 10d
18+ When I was in high school (16 or 17), I hung out with the popular kids of school... they send me this popular girl (who was in our school) explicit photo on snap because I was curious to see it... after I turned 19, I suddenly remembered my friends sent the photo and asked them to delete it off of the chat, as I didn't want to be in possession of any form of illegal material... Fast forward to later... my friend had broken up with his ex and wanted to send us explicit pics of her... curious at the time, I asked to see it and he sent the group (including me) some pictures... Now that Im 24, I remember him sending these pics and asked him to take down the pics in our snapchat convo... I didnt want any pics of their ex because this was harmful content... my friend, (the one who sent our friend group explicit vids and pics of his ex) told me that there was a one month period between him and her when they were in a relationship where he was 18 and she was 17 )... they were together for 1-2 years... and they were explicit throughout their whole relationship ... including the one month period... so i was getting extremely anxious and triggered about him sending me potentially illegal stuff... I asked him several times over the course of three days after he casually admitted he had a 1 month age period with her, (he was 18 and she was 17 during that one month) if she was over 18 when he made those videos, and he kept giving me answers like "Yes" And "It was a month after she turned 18..." He even got frustrated on the second day of me asking and said "Dude, this is the 10th time you've asked me and yes she was." On the third day I asked him, he said "yeah" when i said his previous comments of "a month after she turned 18, right?" back to him, and he even added that "we started getting more explicitly active around this time." He also told me "Even if she was under the age of 18, you wouldn't be in trouble because you were sent it." Yesterday, I called him again and apologized for asking so much... to which he responded... "I was hoping you'd realize this has been excessive..." But then I asked him if she really was 18 in those videos or not... he got frustrated and said... "Dude, you cant keep apologizing over and over, before asking me again..." Still, I asked him to confirm it for me one last time, to which he replied... "She was 18 in those videos..." I keep getting anxious because I dont know if he's lying or not and its triggering me really bad, not to mention feeling guilty about the harm I had caused... I genuinely feel so guilty and awful about this... I hurt people... and I cant sleep at night knowing I did... People say you make mistakes when you were a teen... these were some of my mistakes... I genuinely feel horrible and I cant sleep at night knowing the guilt of my actions are still there... I genuinely feel awful... I hope people dont hate me after reading this... i hope you dont block me... you've all been so genuinely kind and encouraging to me... and I dont want to lose someone who cares about me on here...
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond