When I was 6-8 I kissed my niece, and around 10 I (almost) had intercourse with my nephew (THANK GOD I didnt, otherwise I wouldve killes myself by now.) I cant help but feel guilty for the things ive done, What makes it worst is my niece remembers, I know for a fact she remembers because when we kissed I was like "Do you want to play gta" and about 2 years ago she was like "Do you remember when we played gta?" I was like "Huh we never played gta together its 1 player (offine). And she was like "Not that" My guilt has started ever since that. When I was 11, I played a game called "Fix" with her and gave her a message, to touch her "BUTT" (sorry silly word). I cant think of any other route than suicide. Not to mention, When I was 10-11 I had sex with my cat and dog, (once again THANK GOD I didnt put my genital in then or anything because one again, i wouldve commited suicide by now) I did play with my male dogs genitals though. Im also feeling guilty about this, I wish I could go back and time and not do it, I would never do it now. And once again, I cant think of any other route than suicide. Lastly, When I was 13, I catfished a girl, I used to be a pretty big person and was scared. ( I uses to date online.) I broke up with her though, not because I catfished her, though thats part of it. Sensitive -- When she was younger, she was sadly, molested by her (Close person), thats not the reason though, the reason is because she always talked about suicide, she cut herself, etc. It was killing me, I was already dealing with alot of stress. I wanted to tell her that I was lying to her before we broke up, but not just that I didnt have the heart, though thats most of it, because I couldnt handle the stress anymore. That was the second person ive been in a relationship with that cuts. My long ago ex, I broke up with because she was practically cheating on me, talked to her ex more than me, STILL LIKE HER EX, etc, and her ex told me she cheated on me, but she said he lied, anyways, thats not the point. When me and this girl broke up (I broke up with her) she sent pictures of cuts on her wrist, with a caption saying, "you did this". I dont think I can do life anymore, I was 11 when my long ago ex did that, (Yes I know I was young, online dated alot though.) I want to kill myself

Yes im sorry, its because the guilt just keeps coming back

@Dan The guilt won’t go away until you accept and realize you can’t change what you did as a child. Did you listen to the podcast from Brene brown about guilt and shame? Did you read her books? These childhood things suck but childhood play is so so normal. You have to force yourself to just deal with the thoughts and not engage in them

@Justmesadly Having sex with animals isnt a childhood play though, what about that one

@Dan Yes it is. You had no idea what you were doing. You had no idea it wasn’t appropriate! You’re a child when you are 10-12. You can’t understand the consequences of your actions or what they mean! You need to work on realizing you’re not perfect and you have shame and guilt to deal with (these are things I’m also dealing with and I know it’s difficult as hell)

@Justmesadly Oh what are you dealing with if you dont mind me asking (Not sarcasm I just wanted to know lol)

@Justmesadly I mean I put it on its butt. (OH MY GOD I HATE SAYING THAT.)

@Dan I also played doctor and house inappropriately as a child 6-11 years old, 3 times.

@Justmesadly oh

@Justmesadly These are age guesses bc my mind blocked it out so much that I have no real remeberanace of how old

@Justmesadly Oh

@Dan Lol what does that mean

@Justmesadly Oh nothing I just didnt know what to say and wanted to respond so I just said Oh

@Dan Lol okay

@Justmesadly This is so random haha hello.. but do you have Insta or something? I see you post a lot about real event and I’d love to talk to you privately 🥺

@jen Sorry I like to keep my life as private as possible so I’m not going to give out my socials

@Justmesadly No worries <3

Alright, thanks

@Dan Keep in touch! We can beat OCD!

@cmaconochie Will do

Yes actually. And I know they were giving me reassurance, but it feels like it helps. I feel like it changes who I am, Ive always wanted long hair but everytime i get the courage to grow out my hair here come the thoughts, "you kissed your niece, you had sex with animals" Etc.

@Dan Uh no. I was not intentionally giving you reassurance. As I’ve told to many times I’m not going to reassure you and have told you to stop posting. But you also need to be able to reassure yourself to at you didn’t do damage that you think you did. I’m telling you exactly what my ocd therapist and previous therapist have told me.

@Justmesadly No not you, ive asked alot of people

@Justmesadly Like ALOT of people

@Dan Oh okay good, I don’t want to responsible for making people worse

@Justmesadly But how does reassurance make it worst

@Dan Of course it feels like it helps. That's why all of us keeps doing compulsions, because they help. For a short time. Until we do it again and again. And suddenly we've spent years stuck in OCDs prison. The intrusive thoughts will always come, but you can choose not to do compulsions. Neither reassuring yourself you are a good person, and not confessing and making others take part. You are strong and you have it in you! What is something you can do right now to break out of what the urges want you to do? What would you do if OCD was not part of your life? To live with the uncertainty of maybe having hurt kids and animals, maybe being sexually deviant, but still go ahead and live your life.

@Dan I literally told you word for word what therapist have told me. Will I tell you again? No bc that will become reassurance

@Justmesadly What? I only asked how reassurance makes it worst..?

@Dan Take the compulsion of checking. If you are worried the stove is on, you go and check, oh, OK, its not on! But then you're uncertain. So you to check again. This does not only take a lot of time, it also reinforces the feeling of not being able to trust yourself. Reassurance works the same way. You don't just ask one time. It's never truly enough, because you can never be truly certain. And the more you check, reassure or ruminate the more uncertain you ultimately feel. Despite the temporary relief. The only reason anyone keeps doing compulsions is because they give that sweet relief. But we got to remember that the relief doesn't last for long. Have you ever gotten reassurance and not come back here to get more? I'm betting you don't want to have to go on this app for the rest of your life spending a lot of time getting reassurance. It will never feel like enough.

@asdfghj the only things that stops the thought are playing my game to be honest.

@Dan Yeah I know I wasn’t answering your question. I was further explaining. I’m not a therapist so I can’t tell you the science behind it I just know that reassurance only helps for a certain amount of time until you need to ask again or until you find something else to seek reassurance about

@Dan Recovery from being plagued by OCD doesn't aim to stop the thought. And trying to stop it will also make it worse. The aim is to let the thought be, as its just a thought, like any other thought. Its your life. You can chose to do hard things that will lead you closer to getting better and having a happier life or you can listen to the OCD and stay stuck.

@asdfghj Yeah but you know deep down outside of OCD im a piece of crap for the things ive done

@Dan You're seeking reassurance again. Maybe you are, maybe you're not. Maybe it doesn't even matter. Maybe it does.

@Dan Those things are in the past. You’re not the same person anymore.

Yes I am, not to the point I follow every commandment orderly though. But I dont think just people with OCD would feel guilt about having "sex" with their cat and dog..

@Dan Dan, you did not have sex with your pet if you touched their parts! Especially if you were that young!That's the part of your OCD that wants you to feel guilty! Say a prayer and ask Jesus to give you a break!!!! He hears you!

@cmaconochie Ive asked alot and everytime I do, I honestly feel better for a second, dont know if its my OCD playing tricks on me though. But after that second, they come back

@cmaconochie You absolving him of guilt is playing into his compulsions. Reassuring it is OCD is also playing into the compulsion.