Do some of you sometimes think of ending your life due to ocd?

Thank you! I try to implement it into my routine. Accepting my brain does not work properly (due to OCD) is something that is very hard to accept for me

Hi! I'm really sorry, that sounds terrible. Right now I'm feeling like shit. The thoughts just won't stop. I'm living with non-stop intrusive thoughts and rumination for almost the whole day. I try to distract myself but it's really hard. Sometimes I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up again. That sounds like freedom from the horrific thoughts.. Sorry for being very pessimistic and depressed. It just seems there is no way out anymore and that my thoughts are true

@Max You don't have to apologise about having a hard time! To me it's really understandable that suicide seems like a great option when life is so hard right now. But I also want to say that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Your OCD probably doesn't seem temporary, but it is possible to get better. A lot of the time we believe its the intrusive thoughts that are there ALL the time. But actually its our actions, our compulsions, and figuring them out that makes them stuck. What is something you can DO to break the cycle of ruminating? Take a shower? Brush your teeth? Make dinner? Color?

@asdfghj Thank you for your kind words. It's really appreciated!😊 I know suicide is not an option because I still have people who care about me. I also have a lot of dreams to fulfill. But I have seen my life been deteriorated by OCD and I don't know how I was able to do this for more than 3 years now. Some days were good, but most of them were pure evil and terror. I agree. Many times I try to distract myself by things you mentioned, or to study for college or do other things. Doing compulsions almost always sent me into a (new) spiral of ruminating. But I somehow have to ease my mind again and again and I can't stop. If I just knew these thoughts were not true and that I'm not my thoughts, I could move on with my life. But that's probably why I have OCD, lol. The thoughts just seem too important to not ruminate about, if you understand me haha😅

@Max I'm glad! And I really do resonate with that. Its sickening to look back and see how tormented we are by this illness. How much it has taken. Ouf. And I definitely understand, and it is this idea that we'll ever be sure that makes us suffer and makes us stuck. We will never KNOW, we"ll never be certain. And trying to be makes it worse. Id try to look at doing other things not as distracting. The thoughts will come, let them, they're thoughts. You're still gonna have that shower, make those cookies, or go for that walk. The intrusive thoughts + action here and now, without engaging in the intrusive thoughts. Distraction is a form of thought suppression and ultimately when we stop distracting us the thoughts will come back with more force. Some people even struggle with the idea that it would be irresponsible to not figure the thoughts out. Because they're so important. But it's just another lie.

@asdfghj It's indeed sickening. It takes so much time of our lives away.. It could have been fun times 😔 I really see my patterns of behavior in how you described it. I indeed try to push the thoughts away. 'But what if I don't push them away? Will they become true?' 'If don't suppress the thoughts, I might enjoy them and therefore the thoughts would be true' 👆These patterns of thinking are so hard to neglect. It pushes me always down the spiral with these patterns. I know this is probably OCD talking, but avoiding this would seem very 'irresponsible' and therefore it would destroy my life. I literally have the same patterns you described in your last paragraph. It's so hard to deal with this

@Max The paradox with the thought of "if I don't engage ill be irresponsible and it'll ruin my life" is that when we DO engage it is ACTUALLY ruining our lives. The very thing we try to avoid becomes reality as we let OCD dictate.