Any Christians can you plz pray for me. I am absolutely distraught. This is tearing me apart. I have Scrupolosity and I am just absolutely broken down by it. I feel like I'm in the middle of a mental tornado. I feel hopeless, even tho we should be full of hope because of God. I can't seem to forgive my family for the past and I fear that God is so angry at me for not being able to forgive them. Bcos we should forgive. I talk to God about it all the time and I don't want to lie to Him and say I have forgiven them when inside in my heart I haven't. I am distraught. I don't know what I am doing wrong that things won't get better in my recovery 😢😢😢it must be my fault. Please please pray for me. 🙏🙏🙏

Thank you 🙏🙏

Thank you very much Grace 🙏🙏I worry I'm letting Him down so much that I can't just instantly forgive them plus everyone of my past. Plz pray for me I feel totally hopeless 😔🙏

Thank you dre!!! 🙏

This is exactly how I feel!! I don't even understand the word now!! What is ACTUALLY means and entails. Yes I am waiting for a feeling too.. I never thought it could be my OCD.. I know my ocd is exacerbating it but I think it is a genuine problem. I don't like people who hurt me from my past, my family - I am kind to their face to the best of my ability because we don't have a good relationship even currently. But I do think often about the past and it stirs up anger and upset within me. I don't pray for their salvation as much as I probably should because every time I mention their names in prayer I will usually start crying at the things that have gone on in the past or present (that day etc). So I'm worried that I have a pride within my heart that I want to seek justice on what they have done for me, and justice is for God not me...and also I feel like to forgive someone is to kind of give them a free pass. Like 'it doesn't matter what you did to me'.. This week has been horrendous. I've cried so much about it that it physically makes me ill. Even now the sickness in my stomach is starting back up again as I type this all out.. It's like I don't understand at all. every Christian says the same answer, 'we MUST forgive others because Christ has forgiven us for so much.' And I just don't understand this. Yes I understand it on paper as a fact. But there is no feeling within me to compel me actually forgive others. And then I worry, if I don't have some awe invoking feeling about that statement am I even a Christian?! Why aren't I compelled to forgive these people after knowing this fact?? 😔😢😢😢Ugh gosh. Another day ahead of me full of tears and going round in circles about this topic

@ButterflyStar Aw, dear wonderful you! You dont have to like people who have hurt you. You dont have to have only "pretty" thoughts. And whether you do or don't has nothing to do with your faith. Thinking through forgiveness seems compulsive to me. The same with whether this makes you a bad Christian etc. If you knew they were intrusive thoughts and compulsions, how would you treat it? Id really recommend experimenting with making Tuesday (tomorrow) a day where forgiveness is not on the table, and whenever it comes up work on letting it be there and let it go, without figuring it out. Without going through past hurtful things. If you cry, its OK. If you're angry it's OK. You don't need to "move on" from the feeling, but maybe hold yourself and let it flow over you. And one thing I've done is after a while say "it's enough crying for now, you've done a good job at supporting yourself, you are strong", and then I go on to another activity. I dont know if you have CPTSD or what your family has done, but to me the intersection of these is hard to manoeuvre. But it is possible. Something that has helped me, not solely OCD related, is letting myself be mad at my parents. I used to never let me, probably because of OCD and a thought that it was morally wrong. But once I let myself, completely, the feelings subsided. And I was able to see them in a new light. Dont know if this helps. You don't have to pray for your parents. What would happen if you didn't pray at all for a day or two? Sending you the best. And I hope some of this could be of help! And BTW whenever we go in circles it's a good indicator that its OCD. ❤

@asdfghj Thank you soo much. I waited yesterday all day for your reply because I was so desperate. And you helped me. Thank you. Im really burnt out right now, but all I can manage to say is thank you. I am so desperate for help and you are one of the people that words make sense. ❤️❤️❤️❤️P. S sounds like you're doing really well, I wish I could sit with emotions like you!

@ButterflyStar Not been doing too well myself, but its always nice to offer support when I have the capacity! And it's nice to know it helps a little. ❤ And you know we both (all) have things we have worked on and are doing better at, and we get experiences from healing that we can share to support each other. But I guess its important to remember that even though someone can offer advice or a good way that has helped them it doesn't mean they have it all together. Remember that you seem like you have things figured out to other people sometimes. You are not the only one, I just want you to be kind to yourself, and give yourself grace for having a particularly hard period. How has the last day been? 🙂

@asdfghj Thank you very much. You have a lovely way with words. I'm sorry to hear things have been tough. There is a season for everything, and this is just one of many during your life! 😊 What do you do to grow in this confidence? I read your comments and think 'I wish I was like that.. Able to be more positive and confident.' 💜

@ButterflyStar I just wanna give you a big warm hug! To me it sounds like your comparing and beating yourself up about having a hard time. My point was that to me you sometimes sound so warm and friendly and put together, and I wonder "how can I be like that". And its so strange to hear that you can think that way about me, because I ofte feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me, like no one really likes me, and I don't have a lot of friends. So I think it's just from the outside things can seem another way. I wish you could give yourself more credit. 🤗 But for how I grow in this confidence, its hard to name one thing, because I've done a lot of soul-searching and work on myself the last decade. But I can say one thing I'm working on now, it is following up "appointments" I have with myself. If I make a plan to vacuum on Wednesday I make it my days purpose to vacuum, not because the vacuuming is important, but because the promise I made to myself is. This way I'm treating myself as if I am an important person in my life, which I am. For a long time I've been breaking all the plans with myself, and it has made me feel not prioritised in my own life, like I can't trust myself to show up etc. I want to behave in a way that confirms the person I want to be! Not gonna ask again about how you are, as maybe you not replying is a way of setting a boundary, but if you need to let it out, I'll listen!

Thank you for praying for me I really need it😢🙏

Thank you 🙏🙏