Considering switching therapists/frustrated by “core fear” questions Sorry to post again in quick succession—I had a pretty frustrating therapy session today. I had a therapist ask me to try to uncover my “core fear” today. It’s not the first time a therapist has asked me this, and it (at least for me) feels incredibly unproductive? Like, I have a neural network that inclines me towards obsession, I feel like I know how it formed, I’ve looked at my emotional history EXHAUSTIVELY (it’s literally a compulsion), and now I just want structure and guidance to help me take steps to stop ruminating so that I can allow that neural network to atrophy. But instead I have to use up a bunch of sessions doing psychoanalysis on whether I’m afraid of being alone??? I guess I’m asking whether I should try a different therapist. I feel like I’m asking for very specific help and I’m not getting it.

I guess I just feel like when I try to tell therapists what I think my core fear is, they act like it’s not good enough. Which feeds perfectly into this OCD cycle of wanting to find with perfect certainty *what* the fear is, which I ruminate over, which makes me an anxious wreck because I’m scared I won’t figure it out and won’t get better. Just seems weird that at the heart of OCD treatment there’s the One Thing that you’re actually supposed to have certainty about 😪

Sorry for rambling—hard day.

@Fern_Wilbur You’re whole being isn’t uncertain. For most people I have seen and spoken to we still can find the core fear. The first therapist that asked me this I was so offended because I didn’t want to say it out loud

Yeah, I am. He’s so so nice, I just feel like we wind up talking past each other a lot. But maybe I’m just letting my anxiety prevent me from helping myself, who knows, lol.

This is really interesting, especially in how it relates to what I usually think of my core fear as, which is just “feeling disconnected.” My brain is too sticky to meaningfully contemplate this right now, but I’m excited to consider it further. Thanks for the kind and insightful comment 😊

@Fern_Wilbur Sure thing, I think I understand what you are going through. Did you ever experience derealization or depersonalization?

@NOCD Advocate - Kylee C. I get these really miserable headaches that make me feel super disconnected from myself and the world. I did some digging and think I arrived at a core fear of feeling unfulfilled. Apparently it’s entirely in line with my Enneagram type, and my fear of the core fear question was very much like, “If I can’t figure this out I’ll never get better and then I’ll never be able to lead a fulfilling life.” Grateful for the pushback I got on this thread, this helps me understand SO many of my behaviors.