I curious to know an opinion who knows many cases of OCD or has experience in working with it. So, a couple of years ago I became strangely obsessed with my appearance. I found that something was wrong with me but it wasn't a specific feature, I didn't know what it was. I felt really uncomfortable in public and this lead to me avoing society. I just felt really awkward and like something was wrong with me. I googled 'How to know if you're beautiful/ugly' like million of times. Did tests. Asked my partner at the time a lot. Overviewed myself in every mirror. I tried to shoot a video of myself, where I moved my head so I can see myself in different angles. I tried to understand HOW I looked. And I couldn't. Also have had derealization at time I believe. Is this connected to OCD?

No, I didn't know about OCD then. It's interesting you are talking about existential OCD, I don't know much about but derealization back then was more than just disturbing to me. I suffered from not feeling real. In summer I was fine, but in winter after a traumatic event in my life I have had a fear of being pregnant. The mechanism repeated itself (Fear, constantly checking my stomach, Googling symptoms, despite having my period still) This has also slowly passed after I did a pregnancy test, 2 monts after the fear appeared. In summer I was fine again, but this autumn I entered a great relationship and in winter something clicked and I felt a lot of fear that I don't love my partner. I still struggle with this theme. I haven't been diagnosed

@Daria Alexandrovna I'm going to bet you have had existential OCD in the past. It sounds like it has manifested into relationship OCD. I encourage therapy :) I know it can be expensive, and if you cannot afford it now, then I suggest trying out some of the features of this app. In case you are in a situation where you cannot get therapy, I'm going to give you some tips on the subtypes you may be dealing with: 1. Check out the website awakenintolove.com It will help with the ROCD. 2. Do not ignore triggering experiences. Try to always face them and acknowledge their existence. On the other hand (and this is super important!) do not ruminate on the thoughts. You can acknowledge that they exist, but you must not dig further into them. 3. You will never find an answer. This is what keeps us in the loop. So, my advice is to stop searching for answers and start living each day with a new mindset. I hope this may help you :) again, I highly recommend therapy to allow you to discover these subtypes and work through them with professionals.

@NOCD Advocate - Kylee C. Thank you very much for answering, I really appreciate it! I am going to read a couple of books on OCD and start working on cutting down the rumination, since it became really almost automatic for me. I can't afford to go into therapy rn, but I will do everything I can myself for now!

Exactly which podcast?

@Daria Alexandrovna ALL OF THEM! Start from the first one

@NickD Thanks, did she mention something related to my situation?

@Daria Alexandrovna She is what helps most of us find out what ocd is doing to us and how to treat it. I never heard anybody explain it quite like her. What you’re going through, if you feel it’s ocd, the theme does not matter.

@Daria Alexandrovna Like I have numerous themes that switch and they have to be treated the same

@NickD Thanx I actually watched some of her videos before