Maybe I didn't always have pure o but I think my perception of myself has been off for a long time. Feeling weird or different or flawed most of my life. Being made fun of and told I was weird growing up didn't help. Anyone else?

for the past few years i have been struggling with a certain theme of ocd as well as most of the other themes. but this one i have not figured out a good way to do my own form of erp or non-engaging responses. basically i will be daydreaming or thinking and have a very random thought. i wouldn’t call these thoughts intrusive thoughts because it’s not necessarily fear of the thoughts coming true, its just fear that my thoughts are too unique. my ocd will latch on to random or weird thoughts and may also add in that i was doing something weird while doing the thought. let’s say for example i thought of something random while i was rubbing my feet. then my ocd would be like “why are u having such a unique thought while doing something weird? nobody has ever thought about that specific thought while rubbing their feet before” (just an example). but basically it’s like my ocd bullies me for having thoughts that are too random and things i’ve never heard people talk about before if that makes sense. i am just trying to see if anyone relates even a little and how i can accept that everyone has unique thoughts.

I dont know what to do anymore. I think Ive had the 'pure O' version of OCD for more than ten years. I feel like so much of my life has been wasted from this disease. For the longest time I just tried to ignore the intrusive thoughts, and push them off as anxiety, and basically dissociated for years of my life. Feels like Ive just been on autopilot and a shell of myself for nearly 15 years. Its actually hard to even imagine of all the experiences, emotions, connections with others, and personal growth that Ive missed out on- if I do, I think it would be too much to handle. I think Ive even forgot and dont even know at this point what it is to live a normal life and experience positive emotions. Now that I sought treatment for it specifically, it feels like it's gotten worse. Like by acknowledging that part of myself, suddenly added focus just makes it more real and in the forefront now. I wonder if I am actually going insane. Will not go into details for reassurance but the thoughts just rip my soul out. Its so difficult as well because I will get random 'clarity moments' throughout the day where I feel like Ive solved something, then get completely derailed by another OCD thought stream and forget everything. It feels like Im just on a merry-go-round of hell, not going anywhere thinking I am at times.

I was diagnosed with OCD around the age of 6, subtype- contamination primarily. It calmed down as I got older and I assumed it had gone away, but also didn’t realize it can show up in other ways, and it still had been effecting me which I know now. I’m not 31 and I’ve been in therapy for a year and it’s helped a lot, although I sometimes get thoughts that what if some of the stuff I’m dealing with isn’t ocd and I’m exaggerating. I feel like thoughts will feel sticky and I’ll do certain compulsions but then the thought eventually vanishes if I do it a few times which makes me think maybe it’s not OCD since other people/friends I know would probably do the exact same thing. Not sure if I’m making sense, but I guess my question is if that thought comes up with anyone else? Just being unsure if something you’re doing actually is ocd or not.