Most of the time a feeling/thought goes through my body and mind, I try to figure it out what they mean, and they I write them on my phone’s notes. Idk if that’s a compulsion? I do it so I don’t forget what to tell to my therapist later, but I never use them when I am in actual therapy. But I like writing my thoughts so I am more clear about what goes through my mind.

Thank you! Yes it gets really uncomfortable not to know what the thoughts mean, and not having an answer to them, they make everything look more dangerous, but I guess I have to keep sitting with uncertainty

@Random Yep, It feels real, scary, dangerous and just terrible. I know...

Actually I think it is:( I constantly try to guess what my thoughts mean, and I’m constantly make sure my thoughts aren’t desires

@Random That's for sure bad

@Random I do this too, it's almost automatic. But I found that it's 100% useless

@Random When I am trying to dig dipper, I get even scared

@Daria Alexandrovna I feel you. I’ve been trying to tell if I’m capable of harming others or not, and I try imagining it but it just makes me uncomfortable and I fear I might not feel anything

@Random No surely imagining things is really bad

@Random Because, you know, I don't have a fear of doing this kind of thing. And if I imagine this kind of act, I won't feel anything. Because it doesn't correlate with my desires. But you are afraid of the probability of being capable of doing this. And this fear of probability makes you question every single emotion and thought, which will never be objective.

@Daria Alexandrovna Yes! Sometimes I imagine it and don’t feel anything and then I wonder, maybe I wouldn’t mind doing it, or how will I know if I want to do it or not? In this very moment i feel an immense discomfort and confusion in my mind. Since in this very moment I have no idea if I’m capable of those things or not. And yes omg the last part is so accurate! I literally question my emotions and my thoughts every time. I question my feelings for others, and I question literally everything. I question future things too, it’s literally annoying

@Random Yeah, we need to accept never knowing. I have ROCD so I completely lost all understanding of my feelings when I Tried to measure them and figure them out. It's the same story here. We need to stop doing compulsions and stop engaging with a thought. Say that It could be true. And then simply move on with our life. Stop it completely.

@Daria Alexandrovna Yes same! That’s what I do! I try to measure my thoughts/feelings and figure them out! Thank you:) I will try, I hope it gets better

@Random Just remember that when you try to measure it won't be the true feeling. With my ROCD, always, people who check for love - don't feel it. Attraction? Don't feel it. Let it go. Trust yourself. Cut off compulsions. Just trust life.

@Daria Alexandrovna Yes!! My harm thoughts make me question: do you really love your family? And it seems that I can’t find the answer to that, it’s like I can’t prove I really feel love for them. Or with my harm thoughts, I feel like I’m not measuring how horrible it is to harm someone, and like I try to see it as something terrible so I discard it as a probability. Is it part of OCD? I hope so

@Random This is 100% part of it. I have ROCD but the checking is the same. I love him? Then how much do I love him? How much infatuation is there? What do I feel when I imagine this/that? There's no answer. But there are compulsions, like memories where I am happy. Makes me feel better, but eventually if you recall your memories a lot, it makes things worse and you guestion your memories.

@Daria Alexandrovna Ohh okay thank you, I guess it can be a part of Harm OCD as well. Yess I am all the time trying to figure out my thoughts/feelings, and trying to tell how I feel about this or that. Idk if those are compulsions but I need to stop

@Random Yes it can be a compulsion or it can trigger you even more because when you expect to feel a certain way, often you won't

@Random I try to avoid doing that bc I already know that if I check I'll feel nothing

@Daria Alexandrovna Yes!! That happens to me! Thank you so much, now I realize how bad it is, I’ll stop

@Random At least minus one compulsion)