Here’s my story. I have always been a girl that didn’t get aroused by male’s body, rather i always found it to be special, i appreciated it, and since i can draw, i always draw it.I loved to draw it.I found my bf then and stopped with it, i thought that i should.I have a wandering eye, even when i am with my bf i looked at everyone and everything around me, i have never felt anything by doing this, it is just that i am curious person, but mind you..i never felt anything.I love my bf so much, i had my eyes only for him and still have.I have always been overthinking (DOES HE LOVE ME? DOES HE DREAM ABOUT HIS EX?WHAT IF HE STILL HAS FEELINGS FOR HER?WHAT GOES THROUGH HIS MIND WHEN HE SEES A FEMALE?..and soo on and soo on..) . I remember having intrusive thoughts even before this period now, it was just that i didn’t pay that much attention to it and they weren’t so often.Then i found myself in quorantine overthinking about men..this was ongoing for a month period..i found them to be these perverts that want to smash every girl they see, and then..i found myself distancing from my man, and more closing into my mind that was going crazy.One day i came home from my bf’s place and was thinking wow it was a great time he is wonderful etc..and grabbed my phone to watch yt, i saw this host , some guy, and i felt this weird arousal..mind you a don’t care about men, or at least i didn’t care until then..i remember being in shock to find this weird feeling experiencing it for the first time..crying in disbelief what a horrible person I am.And since then this feeling never went away, it just got worse.I cannot see a male’s hand , hair, even when a male passes by like a flash in front of me i still feel it.Bonus, i get these thoughts about men , dreams , i am battling with this for months, i cannot even sit next to my brother, i get horrible thoughts, then it is destroying my relationship.I wonder if i even love my man.. I get this arousing feeling even by hearing a male’s voice, or seeing a male’s body even when it is covered, or just by hearing triggering words that i find nonsense to be a trigger to feel this arousing feeling, but i still do feel it.I cannot even cry anymore i just let it be ..it still is shocking for me whenever i feel it but i just let it be cuz i cannot fight and reason every thought and image...

stop.

Date posted: 4y

I relate to you in the sense that I am very curious when it comes to bodies. I pay a lot of attention to the features of people’s bodies and I’ve never felt arousal about it. It was just curiosity I guess. I’m very particular and I notice things like figures or butts or just random features that stick out to me. For me it was kind of the opposite though because I started feeling weird arousal to women even though I’m not really attracted to women. I like men, but all of a sudden I got feelings that I didn’t want towards women nor felt comfortable with. I had had OCD for a while and I realized I was having groinal responses and false feelings. I’m doing erp now with an NOCD therapist and this unwanted arousal has gone down significantly. I highly suggest you get into erp so your unwanted arousal goes down too!!! I totally feel you and I wish you the best.

stop.

Date posted: 4y

@Ope Yes. That and scrupulousity

minoa8

Date posted: 4y

Right? Like noticing every detail? And what is the worst, is this feeling of groinal response that just makes it even worse, giving you feeling that you really are into it, or that you really do think this way.Creating false beliefs that are hard to correct when you have this noise distracting you from thinking straight.. Thank you so much for your share of your story.I wish us both well, healing, and moving on from this horrible feelings .By the way, could you tell me how you ended up connecting to work with NOCD therapists on erp? ♥️

stop.

Date posted: 4y

@minoa8 Yes exactly. So on the top of the Home Screen on the app there should be a tab about starting NOCD therapy. From there you should be able to book a free 15 minute call. Basically you talk about the cost, payment plans, insurance, and other intro stuff. Once you agree to start therapy, they should get you in with someone pretty fast.

minoa8

Date posted: 4y

@stop. So you have to pay these therapies right?

stop.

Date posted: 4y

@minoa8 I have insurance so I don’t pay for therapy actually but yes you typically have to pay if you don’t have insurance. They do have various payment plans and assistance so if you have trouble affording the baseline amount, you can work out a payment plan that works for you.

minoa8

Date posted: 4y

@stop. Oh okay, thank you very much for informations.I wish you only the best♥️♥️

stop.

Date posted: 4y

@minoa8 No problem! You too!

minoa8

Date posted: 4y

I forgot to mention that my mom lost her daughter when she was pregnant with me, one month before she gave birth to me, and the doctor said that it affected me and that i will be prone to some emotional or mental sensitivity.I was always a stiff kid, anxious and shy.I would always latch onto my mom’s skirt and it was horrible if she ever left me alone anywhere I would make such a scene.As i was growing up, going to school, I would always cry , and teachers would tell me I look very anxious and stiff and that I need to relax.I never really knew what that meant.People still do tell me that I look anxious, which is what I do feel.My palms and my feet are constantly sweating.My muscles are always stiff and i feel it.And i never got diagnosed, never went to psychologist.I wish someone sees this and tells me their opinion if I should visit one, or if they think I don’t have ocd but rather something else.I feel confused

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