Around a month ago I gave up my porn compulsion. But one thing that still kind of confuses me is that for me, the compulsion didn’t feel “complete” unless I would look at porn I am aroused by. I think I did this to “prove” to myself what arousal was or something like that. So I would look at the porn that I’m scared I was gonna be turned on by, then I would look at porn I do like. But sometimes when I looked at porn that I do like, I wouldn’t be aroused AT ALL. Which confused me. So can ocd screw up your normal arousal? And make you feel as if you aren’t aroused to things you know you are aroused by?

Ohhhh, thank you! Can you be aroused by something when you don’t want to be aroused by it as well?

@Jbgys543 Yeah, I think that's why people are getting a groinail response with HOCD although they don't want it

@Daria Alexandrovna Ohhhhh, thank you! But yeah I get groinal responses to a lot of things I don’t want to :/

@Jbgys543 That's really common so I think that's what's up with it :) It's a sign to stop checking. Bc it actually tells you nothing lol

@Daria Alexandrovna It a really difficult to stop checking because it feels like it is automatic:/

@Jbgys543 Yeah I know, mental compulsions are the worst. But as soon as I accepted the fact that what it is going to tell me is false, I wasn't relying on them anymore. I still do them from time to time but a bit less

@Daria Alexandrovna Ohhhhh, I will definitely try that! Thank you! :)

@Jbgys543 You're welcome. Actually the biggest one is ruminating for me and also reviewing my memories. Those are really harmful and take the most out of my day. Do you struggle with that too?

@Daria Alexandrovna Yes, things that have happened when I was around 12 scare me. And make me think my thoughts are real. But I find myself trying to figure out if I was actually aroused or not. But I do this a lot and it makes me go a little crazy

@Jbgys543 You'll never find an answer, and the more you revisit your memory the more it's going to distort

@Daria Alexandrovna All I remember is that I was physically aroused, but I don’t know if I was actually aroused from it. Which does scare me, but I hate that I can’t figure it out yk :/

@Jbgys543 I guess that you also understand that the only way is to accept it

@Daria Alexandrovna True. I hate it though, it always comes up in my head telling me my thoughts are true :/ also thank you! :)

@Jbgys543 Of course. I cannot count how many times I told myself that Il stop figuring it out. But it happens again, and again, and again. It feels too real to ignore, sadly. And we shouldn't just ignore, but acknowledge and accept... hell.

@Daria Alexandrovna Fr, some days I am able to not let it bother me, than other days it is all I’m worried about :/

@Jbgys543 It's good there are better days