Hello all, I suffer from different types of OCD. My main fear is that something bad happens to my kids. For about a year I have been supper scared of toxic stuff. I have changed everything in the house to non toxic stuff. Just a week ago I realized that I live next to an Apple orchard and berry farm and that my kids have lived here for ten years. I had never considered that to be a problem or a way that my kids were being harmed by the pesticides. Now, I feel like I’ve caused irreparable damage and I feel so guilty. I feel like because I did not take care of that sooner now my kids will get cancer and die or something. My daughter was raised in this house since she was born. I can’t even look at them without crying. I’m going crazy! I need help.... I don’t know how to deal with this.

Hi there, I’m sorry you’ve been experiencing this distress. Your children sound fortunate to have a mother like you. That being said, the issue here is not about you being an attentive mother or not (although I know this is what your OCD is convincing you of). The issue is OCD, and OCD likes to hijack what means the most to you. As a mother, your fears to keep your children safe are natural, but unfortunately it’s an easy place for OCD to manifest. ERP therapy is the standard treatment, but in general it’s important that you combat your feelings of guilt with identifying the true offender here- your OCD, not you. This doesn’t cure the OCD itself, but it practicing this mindset (because it’s true), will help you keep perspective when you’re experiencing these intense feelings of doubt and guilt. Guilt is a debilitating feeling, and it’s important for you to remember to have compassion for yourself. This is a hard time for you, that is indisputable. It’s also important to be mindful of polarized thinking. OCD loves to play this game of causing us to have cognitive distortions. Challenging the feelings you have can help you not perform compulsions in response. Ex: My children grew up by an orchard that may have pesticides. Your OCD may want you to feel like you’ve caused damage to them, but what if a friend was experessing this concern to you? Would it seem as reasonable, would you wish for them to feel the way you do? It’s difficult to rationalize with OCD, because it’s not a logic issue but an anxiety issue. You have far more power than you know, and you are capable of building a tolerance to these thoughts.

Hey Welcome this is a great community with a lot of people willing to help