Can't eat cos Contamination OCD says that nothing has been cooked correctly and I end up burning everything I cook. Fml I'm hungry, sorry I'm just done with this illness. I don't want to get sick by eating something but screw it, I haven't eaten in two days you know? Rant over, take care guys :)

I have contamination ocd, and one of my compulsions is avoiding eating non-cooked food prepared by other people. I had a session with my family to plan accommodation reduction two months ago, and this compulsion was on there but we decided to focus on other accommodations first. Tonight my mom made fresh food (totally fine), but acted very offended and angry when I couldn’t eat it. I get where she’s coming from, she worked hard on the meal and it sucks that I couldn’t make myself eat it. But it also sucks that she knows this is a compulsion and can’t be understanding. Maybe I need to explain this compulsion to her better? In the family session we talked about the compulsion but not about the specific underlying obsessive thought (today my mom specifically said that I had to explain why I wasn’t eating and I didn’t). I’m really sad that OCD is affecting my relationship with her in this way.

I can’t function. Everything I do is avoiding setting off my ocd. I stay up til like 5am everyday so I get time to myself where I know that my family is not doing anything, (I am severely set off by food and smells). Then I will wake up and straight away get up to go downstairs (after shifting towels that I use to block the gap from underneath my bedroom door and using my shirt to open and close my bedroom door). When going downstairs I have to leave my phone in my room or it will get contaminated. Once downstairs I can let my fam get food out and do anything that they need (breakfast/lunch), and the second they’re finished I must set a timer for 30min-2hrs before I can even consider going in my room. I can’t touch my drinks, opting for straws that I don’t touch once drank through. I can only sit on one couch cushion in my entire house, except bathroom and bedroom. I can’t touch food, I can’t touch cutlery (wrapping kitchen roll around the handle (eating burgers and pizza with a fork is hell)). I can’t touch the tv remote, or any family members except my dog. I can’t touch any door handles, usually using my foot or getting help from a family member. Every time I go into my bedroom I need to wash my hands at least 3 times before I even consider entering. If my parents cut the grass, I have to semi-suffocate under my bed comforter for the entirety of it and 2hrs after, then spray my room with disinfectant. If my door is open for a second too long or more than a crack, I need to spray (literally squeezing myself through the door every time) and must always block the door with towels. I can’t touch anything on my desk/sides/storage furniture except my mattress, blanket, clothes, and a single notebook that I disinfect every now and then. Multiple times a week I have to wash my phone (I know it’s really bad and I’m already on my second phone because of this, and broke my Nintendo trying to do the same). I have to do my makeup with a t shirt or smth separating my hands from the bottle. I can’t touch my cars seatbelt or anything in the car (had to forgo driving entirely for the past 4 months). I hate this so much and thankfully started Prozac last week, hoping it does something.

I have an ocd over food. I can not feel full if i don't have the last grains of rice and I should count. Before, I got a real bad stomach ache and nausea so I should eat on track. But one of my weirdness appears as time goes on that thing I mentioned and how I have to wait until certain time to swallow and digest the food. It's as if I keep myself for not reccuring anymore. It's so strange, if I don't follow it I would get sleepy and can not concentrate. It's like time really matters to me. And my head becomes weird if I don't listen to it. I wanna fight it but I think I can't. There are times even when I got staggered and wanna fall. Anyone here fighting over food ocd and signals in your head?