anyone on here worry they have histrionic personality disorder and have made this all up? ive had thoughts before that like this isnt real and that i want to have pocd or sexual orientation ocd and all these other themes as ocd to obsolve me of guilt from my bad thoughts or to help me stay in the closet and i cant accept what i am but ive never known this type of thing existed and now im like fuck what if im histrionic but i mean ive worried about being bpd before ive worried about being a narcissist before so im like maybe this is just a new thing my ocd is latching onto i mean i havent told anyone but my mom and sister and one friend about my ocd so the idea that im doing this for attention doesnt feel right because if anyone found out about my themes that would not be good and it seems the whole motivation with histrionic is attention but like i honestly dont go around telling everyone i know oh shit well i did tell my landlord because i kind of had a breakdown in front of her or had a weekend of panic attacks and breakdowns and then tried to meet with her a few days later after not seeing people for a while and everything came blubbering out of me she is someone im semi close with but also ive never cried in front of her but i still never said my themes i just said i have some ocd and anxiety problems and bla bla bla and yeah im just like now going through my life and thinking back to was that for attention? i just dont want to be histrionic like it sounds so embarassing to be this way and like a really hard life its weird how you dont want ocd but you also want these thoughts so badly to be ocd but you also cant get reassurance anyway i just purely wanted to vent i mean i really actually want reassurance but dont give it to me because yeah im not supposed to get that i also even feel bad for sharing this post like i didnt need to post this but im going to anyway

thank you 🙏✨

hi thanks for your reply yeah i mean sorry if my reply is tmi but yeah i was doing erp for one of my themes but once i got to my 9 i just kind of stopped, that theme has been less of a problem but my therapist i found through this app and like i guess i took so long to get through my hierarchy and on top of that my mental health was actually better even just from getting up to my 9 in my hierarchy and so we ended our sessions and went to just text and now we are meeting up for a last check in and like if i want i can start the process over again but i just dont really want to kind of for financial reasons and kind of because im like well ive become good at response prevention i mean i still end up googling and going on reddit but if it gets really bad im pretty good at doing this technique she taught me where you go maybe you are maybe you arent and its become comforting for me because it actually makes me compulse less because it reminds me that i can never know for sure so like sure i can keep exhausting myself or like come to terms with that and thats actually a relaxing thought now and that works for a while but then randomly something will make me be like okay i have to type in this app and see if people have ever had this theme this could be the one that i have and so yeah part of me wonders if i could make a hierarchy for these other themes on my own and save my money but i know like it does help to have someone to check in with because if no one cares if i do my erps its hard for me to care on my own anyway not sure if you can relate 🤷‍♀️

@Anonymously I can totally relate! It’s so funny, I check Reddit too... I have to remind myself that checking on the internet is a compulsion in itself. Next time you have a thought try to stay and sit with the uncertainty. Kind of float and flow with it. And then I get such an urge to check the internet but if I am aware that that is a compulsion then I find it’s easier to not act on the compulsion. It sounds like you are doing better, keep using those skills! I feel like it’s like a mental workout. The more you practice the more you get stronger

@Anonymous lol yeah reddit is the danger zone haha but yes i agree definitely a mental work out and yeah i do need to practice sitting with it and be more aware when i am searching online more as compulsion than standard stuff and that should help but yeah youre advice is helpful thanks for sharing and the feedback hope you are doing well too 🙌✨