i don’t know what it is but i seem to always find flaws in guys i like. i just always get turned off them and it’s so annoying. it’s kinda like ‘the ick’ but also a lot of second hand embarrassment and stuff. it’s hard to explain. i did some research and apparently this means there’s something within me that’s stopping me from relationships. which makes sense. but i don’t know what in particular is stopping me (is it fear of commitment, or vulnerability etc??), and i’m scared i’ll never get over it. i have a disorganised attachment style which is a mix or anxious and avoidant. i think it makes a lot of sense for me! when i’m starting out, i’m quite avoidant (or if i don’t like them / get put off them). but when they’re distant and hard to read, i go head over heels. and then i worry they don’t like me. i’ve realised i don’t like clingy guys. or clinginess in general. it makes me feel really bad for being this way though :( anyways, i don’t know what’s wrong with me and why i always find flaws in guys. i’m not perfect (obviously) so i know it’s unfair for me to be this judgy. i just don’t know how to stop it.

This is completely normal, and so, so common in women! The ‘distant and mysterious’ type is attractive to SO many women. When someone is too in your face, or VERY into you, it can feel cringey, which is related to second-hand embarrassment! You like guys that don’t make it clear that they’re into you, but don’t like the ones that do - it’s a famous paradox. Please don’t chastise yourself for having this preference in men - within regards to finding flaws, this is also normal. And I think the issue there is that maybe you feel insufficient yourself, and you don’t want to feel like someone is treating you in a way that doesn’t represent how you feel towards yourself. Some people are just more picky with guys, and they have to be INTO them in order for there to be a possibility. It’s not necessarily a case of ‘fixing’ it, because that’s just you - if you have brown eyes, and you don’t like having brown eyes, you don’t ‘fix’ it, it’s just an aspect of who you are. Hopefully at least some of that was helpful!!

I am so glad I found this post! I am EXACTLY like you! I first have a crush on a guy and then suddenly when he likes me I get a lot of icks and alwaayyys the second hand embarrassment! Like everything he do becomes embarrassing to watch, last night when he danced at the party I got the ick so badly. I feel abnormal about being like this, I wish I wasn’t build like this.