I don't know what to do. I know that I have Ocd because of previous experiences in the past. This last days of February I started to get grional reactions about children and having images of children in my head. I can't barely sleep, and I always have thoughs about children, But for some reasons I feel like I'm a pedo in denial. I did something bad days ago and I didn't felt guilt or disgust. Until days later I start to feel guilty. Now every time I want to feel fine I remember this image because I don't deserve happiness. This image always come with grional reactions. Now I'm feeling like I bringing this images to myself to feel turn on, and the fact that my body feels hot don't help me think otherwise. Today in the morning I had a thoughts on an actor that was a pedo, and I was trying to justify him. I stopped when I tell to myself that that was bad. Today I feel numb, there are periods of times when I convince myself that I'm a pedo. I don't want to live, but I have a family that worries for me, and I can't left them. I want a second chance, but I don't deserve it.

Hi, I have HOCD and probably similar because OCD is crazy in that it messes with your core values. The fact that we have identified something as bad makes us more apt to go there in any way that our mind allows us. OCD as with alcoholism wants us to suffer. Let’s find courage to try to rise above. It’s so hard but when thoughts or urges come up remember you need to remind yourself it’s how your mind reacts to them, this makes it OCD. All of the anxiety comes up, OCD, fear, OCD, all related so if you can see it as your disorder not reality and remind yourself we have an illness that we fit into then it should ground you more. Also read a quote about OCD ‘Don’t just do something! Sit there, and let time pass.’ OCD is very difficult, when I have had episodes I need to go through sometimes terrible discomfort, I do not engage with the thoughts if I can avoid. They are useless and will just cause more anxiety and reaction. Try to sit with discomfort instead and KEEP doing your everyday abc family activities not matter how uncomfortable. You will get through and be proud of the accomplishment!! Hope that helps. You are not alone.