- Username
- šµ
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hello! Perhaps you could explain your reasoning to him. We tend to have spontaneous reactions to things that worry us (such as a fear of being emotionally dependent) because we do not want to hurt others or ourselves. These "cruel" reactions are usually formed out of years of trial and error and fearing possible repercussions later on from our actions. In a way, it is a compulsion because you are avoiding a possible what if scenario. However, you risk damaging an otherwise healthy relationship or friendship out of fear. A better way to approach it is through healthy communication. Can you discuss these topics with him? Can you sit him down and go over your fears? Can you set boundaries? Don't go down the rabbit hole of closing connections off out of uncomfortable possibilities that aren't true yet. And besides, if you do feel like you have used him as emotional dependence, he has a right to want to understand why you've cut off contact. Always be transparent, up front and respectful, and you will see incredible results and better relationships with others. Communication is key!!!
Going as far as blocking him isn't necessary and quite destructive. Assign hours in the day where it's just you time where u don't initiate messaging or respond.
I'm in a similar position but with my ex gf we taking it super slow, but at times when I'm with her I feel grounded and the intrusive so-ocd thoughts don't even pop up and if they do I can dismiss them with a little bit more ease as just thoughts. Im deciding to not let ocd push someone I care about away.
The part where u say "cut off my expectations of him giving me happiness" is also cutting out /him/ getting happiness from /you/. Just so you know you're not the only one this effects. Boundaries are important, you having your own life and hobbies and career and friends is important, a good relationship/life balance so you're not consumed if theres one fight during your day with your s.o, is important. Creating drastic ups and downs because you don't want to talk bout your wants/needs and find healthy ways to get them, doesn't help you, him or the relationship. Seek a therapist they can really help. There could be so many factors as to why you're feeling this way and what's making you push away love. Better to be passive and calm until you figure shit out than make impulsive decisions that can entirely back fire and end up giving you the opposite of what you want .
If you have to block him then you probably shouldnāt be dating
wdym?
@Lšµ Youāre dating someone that youāre blocking?! Thatās toxic and not a healthy relationship. Iād leave someone so fast if they blocked me
@Justmesadly To need space is not toxic it's self care just have to communicate it, and relationships have ups and down. If you ready to leave someone after they blocked you without hearing them out first because they hurt your ego, then maybe you not ready to be in a real relationship.
@Justmesadly just for context me and my boyfriend are incredibly close to each other, and he knows every depth of what i been through with my ocd. id understand your sentiment if it was a fresh and new relationship. i understand what i did is a mistake but to label my whole relationship as toxic because of a single action, i think, is to misspeak.
@Lšµ I didnāt label your relationship at all. I donāt know you so I donāt care what your relationship is like. And @mwill, Iām already in a real relationship lol. Exactly my point. I know for sure adults donāt block people because they are struggling? Needing space is much different than blocking someone. You have to have self care aka therapy, taking care of yourself etc is essential for a relationship.
@Justmesadly you literally said it was toxic... but whatever, im really not trying to start an unnecessary arguement. im barely an adult anyways because im 19, so i admittedly have a bit of maturing to do. i did unblock him and apologize, because i realize the negatives outweigh any benefits of that with the help of you guys. plus.. im quite mentally ill so i naturally sometimes act without rationale.
@Lšµ Great, Iām glad you unblocked him! Itās okay we take years to mature and understand things! Especially when our minds are trying to hold us back š
@Justmesadly thank youā„ļøāØ
you guys are so right. ugh i hate when my brain makes me act impulsively and i cant rationally think out things. thank you
Help, my new bf just went away for the weekend. We talked for hours yesterday, and today he texted me 7 hours ago. I havenāt heard from him since then. In these 7 hours my brain has gone from normal content about himā to my heart racing thinking about how we probably actually doesnāt even like me that much/maybe heās cheating/he has all these character flaws I ignored beside/writing breakup texts to send because I canāt stand to see him tomorrow anymore. I canāt stand my brain!!! I canāt tell if these thoughts are real or just my nightly ruminations where I always think everyone hates me and is trying to leave me secretly.
Hey everyone, Iām hoping someone can help. Long story short, I have a childhood friend who in HS we became romantically interested in each other, loved each other and then over the years it was to painful because we couldnāt be together because of religious reasons. I blocked him because of the pain, and then we would run into each other a lot and I would block and unblock him as we reconnected over the past 5 years. Well I unblocked him, and we reconnected again - just as friends, but emotionally every time I unblock I feel like Iām a mess. Like I have the obsessive thinking about him and I just feel emotionally tied down even though we are not together. It then makes me want to block him again (which I donāt want to do bc I know thatās messed up), but idk how to just have my brain realize itās okay we are just friends. Idk if this even makes sense, my brain just feels so black and white and itās so anxious.
so back in july i made a mistake of going behind my partnerās back and hanging out with an old guy friend (who i had a romantic past with) and while i was hanging out with him i had a great time but man my thoughts were going crazy. i found him attractive, funny, etc. iāve known him for years and everytime we would talk i felt there was some type of tension. like romantic or something. well i felt it again when we hung out and immediately regretted it because i know i love my boyfriend a lot and i felt like a horrible person for doing something like that. i couldnāt hide it from him any longer than i did (not even 3 days) so i told him and he got really upset. at the time i didnāt know what i want, either my boyfriend or that friend. i decided to stay with my boyfriend and ever since iāve been getting crazy intrusive thoughts about my old friend (i blocked him so i donāt have contact with him). a few months later (now) i know that i want and love my boyfriend, i donāt want to be with anyone else. but iāve been getting so many intrusive thoughts about that guy and seeing certain posts just remind me of him even when i donāt want them to. then my brain starts to spiral - āwhat if you actually want to be with him instead and youāre just in denial right nowā or something like āyou dont love your boyfriend, if you did you wouldnt be having these thoughtsā and iām just so..drained. iām so tired of thinking about this guy, i seriously donāt want to think about him. i just want to be happy with my boyfriend. i keep telling myself i know what i want, because i do. i want to be with my bf and i want to be happy with himā¦i love him so much. but my brain just tries to tell me otherwise. i know i messed up and iām paying the price for it. maybe i do deserve this. i just wish i could erase everything, my past, etc. and just move on. my boyfriend doesnāt hold what i did against me but heās well aware of what happened and i know how it made him feel. i would do anything to take it back because he doesnāt deserve that, he never did. and i seriously want to be better for him. but these constant thoughts i get are always getting in the way and almost making me feel hopeless. i havenāt told my bf about these thoughts because iām worried he would take it the wrong way. i really donāt think i should tell him because i know for a fact it would send us both down a spiral and i donāt want that. but, ocd will always try to get what it wants. anyone else going through something similar? some common humanity would probably ease my mind a bit. (in a non-compulsive way. or maybe this is a compulsion. idk.)
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