- Date posted
- 4y ago
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Hello! Perhaps you could explain your reasoning to him. We tend to have spontaneous reactions to things that worry us (such as a fear of being emotionally dependent) because we do not want to hurt others or ourselves. These "cruel" reactions are usually formed out of years of trial and error and fearing possible repercussions later on from our actions. In a way, it is a compulsion because you are avoiding a possible what if scenario. However, you risk damaging an otherwise healthy relationship or friendship out of fear. A better way to approach it is through healthy communication. Can you discuss these topics with him? Can you sit him down and go over your fears? Can you set boundaries? Don't go down the rabbit hole of closing connections off out of uncomfortable possibilities that aren't true yet. And besides, if you do feel like you have used him as emotional dependence, he has a right to want to understand why you've cut off contact. Always be transparent, up front and respectful, and you will see incredible results and better relationships with others. Communication is key!!!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Going as far as blocking him isn't necessary and quite destructive. Assign hours in the day where it's just you time where u don't initiate messaging or respond.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I'm in a similar position but with my ex gf we taking it super slow, but at times when I'm with her I feel grounded and the intrusive so-ocd thoughts don't even pop up and if they do I can dismiss them with a little bit more ease as just thoughts. Im deciding to not let ocd push someone I care about away.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
The part where u say "cut off my expectations of him giving me happiness" is also cutting out /him/ getting happiness from /you/. Just so you know you're not the only one this effects. Boundaries are important, you having your own life and hobbies and career and friends is important, a good relationship/life balance so you're not consumed if theres one fight during your day with your s.o, is important. Creating drastic ups and downs because you don't want to talk bout your wants/needs and find healthy ways to get them, doesn't help you, him or the relationship. Seek a therapist they can really help. There could be so many factors as to why you're feeling this way and what's making you push away love. Better to be passive and calm until you figure shit out than make impulsive decisions that can entirely back fire and end up giving you the opposite of what you want .
- Date posted
- 4y ago
If you have to block him then you probably shouldn’t be dating
- Date posted
- 4y ago
wdym?
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@L🌵 You’re dating someone that you’re blocking?! That’s toxic and not a healthy relationship. I’d leave someone so fast if they blocked me
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Justmesadly To need space is not toxic it's self care just have to communicate it, and relationships have ups and down. If you ready to leave someone after they blocked you without hearing them out first because they hurt your ego, then maybe you not ready to be in a real relationship.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Justmesadly just for context me and my boyfriend are incredibly close to each other, and he knows every depth of what i been through with my ocd. id understand your sentiment if it was a fresh and new relationship. i understand what i did is a mistake but to label my whole relationship as toxic because of a single action, i think, is to misspeak.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@L🌵 I didn’t label your relationship at all. I don’t know you so I don’t care what your relationship is like. And @mwill, I’m already in a real relationship lol. Exactly my point. I know for sure adults don’t block people because they are struggling? Needing space is much different than blocking someone. You have to have self care aka therapy, taking care of yourself etc is essential for a relationship.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Justmesadly you literally said it was toxic... but whatever, im really not trying to start an unnecessary arguement. im barely an adult anyways because im 19, so i admittedly have a bit of maturing to do. i did unblock him and apologize, because i realize the negatives outweigh any benefits of that with the help of you guys. plus.. im quite mentally ill so i naturally sometimes act without rationale.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@L🌵 Great, I’m glad you unblocked him! It’s okay we take years to mature and understand things! Especially when our minds are trying to hold us back 💕
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Justmesadly thank you♥️✨
- Date posted
- 4y ago
you guys are so right. ugh i hate when my brain makes me act impulsively and i cant rationally think out things. thank you
Related posts
- Date posted
- 10w ago
I'm 18, and been in a relationship with my man for nearly 2 years. I started living with him around 2 months ago, and all I do is think about if he's cheating. We were long distance for a year and a half of our relationship, maybe seeing eachother once every month or two. I decided to move in with him, and ever since all I can think about is if he's cheating or watching porn. When he's in another room I think he's doing something wrong, I have to check on him every ten minutes to ease my anxiety. I didn't have this problem before moving in. Granted he has talked to some girls on his phone, even having his ex on his phone (didn't do anything bad) and he is porn addicted though he is getting better for me. It's gotten so bad I want to leave him. A couple days ago I broke up with him and it absolutely broke my heart, I couldn't bare it so I gave him a month to show me he can do better, and for me to work on myself. If I'm still unhappy with us I'm going to leave. I love this boy more than anything. I'm scared to be without him, this is my first real relationship. At this point I refuse to even sleep until he is sleeping. I don't want to start over, I don't want to leave him, but I really can't take this pain it's causing me. It's all I think about. I've convinced myself so many times that he's cheating, but I know he wouldn't. I question whether it's anxiety or intuition. Maybe I just know deep down he really is cheating and I just don't want to believe it. I don't know. I don't think he would do that, but at the same time he's really into women. I hate that he looks at other girls in a sexual way, it bothers me so much, and we talk about it often, but with it being an addiction it's difficult. He has gotten a lot better since we have talked about it. He understands I have an issue and is usually happy to talk about it over and over and promise me over and over that he's not cheating. He allows me to have his phone whenever I want and everything, I have no reason to think he's cheating, but I can't get over it. It's not fair to him either. How do I deal with this? How do I stop hurting so much?
- Date posted
- 9w ago
Hey everyone so I am having a really terrible bout of anxiety due to an exam I have tomorrow. It has sent me spiraling. And unfortunately my ROCD/anxiety has gotten ridiculously triggered. So I had a birthday party this past weekend. I got all dressed up and put on some cute makeup. It was a lot of fun. I then posted some pics from the party, some of them included him. They were cute! I had never posted him in anything in my feed. So I was a little nervy. I was hoping he would comment something on the post or repost or something, but he just dropped a like. I feel like he usually comments on posts that he is tagged in, so for some reason this really hurt me that he didn’t comment or interact more with it. Like he doesn’t like I posted it? Or is he ashamed of me? I don’t want to be shallow, but some validation on social media would be nice? Or maybe him just posting me would feel nice. I want to talk to him about this, but I am so terrified that this will make me seem so shallow and a fein for public validation. I’m worried he thinks this of me, as I have posted on social media. I’m worried this makes him like me less. Someone please provide some expertise on how it would be best to handle these circumstances, as silly and minescule as they may seem. I’ve read a lot online (I know it’s not good) about how to handle relationships online. I know it’s more important obviously how the relationship appears offline. But I’ve been pretty obsessive about this and have a hard time letting it go. Part of me wished I never posted anything. All of this anxiety could have been avoided.
- Date posted
- 22d ago
Ii spoke w my bf this weekend and he mentioned that he has thoughts just like me, but his don't bother him like me. I then felt a lot better and he tried dissecting one of his thoughts like I usually do and realized it felt more real for him after. That made me realize that none of my thoughts were ever true and I blew them up. However, yesterday I had a thought ab “wait wut if you liked that one guy? How dare you bc youre supposed to love your bf and not secretly like someone else” and treated it as I usually did bc I accidentally wanted to see if it was true but didn't rlly but I would check to see if it was there and now that thought feels so so so real now and I feel really bad how do Ik it's not real? I feel so bad and guilty bc lividly this makes 0 sense but it feels so prominent. It felt pretty real when it happened yesterday too. And now I feel awful bc how is it possible after my clarity the other day? Why does it feel so prominent 😞😞😞
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