- Username
- šµ
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hello! Perhaps you could explain your reasoning to him. We tend to have spontaneous reactions to things that worry us (such as a fear of being emotionally dependent) because we do not want to hurt others or ourselves. These "cruel" reactions are usually formed out of years of trial and error and fearing possible repercussions later on from our actions. In a way, it is a compulsion because you are avoiding a possible what if scenario. However, you risk damaging an otherwise healthy relationship or friendship out of fear. A better way to approach it is through healthy communication. Can you discuss these topics with him? Can you sit him down and go over your fears? Can you set boundaries? Don't go down the rabbit hole of closing connections off out of uncomfortable possibilities that aren't true yet. And besides, if you do feel like you have used him as emotional dependence, he has a right to want to understand why you've cut off contact. Always be transparent, up front and respectful, and you will see incredible results and better relationships with others. Communication is key!!!
Going as far as blocking him isn't necessary and quite destructive. Assign hours in the day where it's just you time where u don't initiate messaging or respond.
I'm in a similar position but with my ex gf we taking it super slow, but at times when I'm with her I feel grounded and the intrusive so-ocd thoughts don't even pop up and if they do I can dismiss them with a little bit more ease as just thoughts. Im deciding to not let ocd push someone I care about away.
The part where u say "cut off my expectations of him giving me happiness" is also cutting out /him/ getting happiness from /you/. Just so you know you're not the only one this effects. Boundaries are important, you having your own life and hobbies and career and friends is important, a good relationship/life balance so you're not consumed if theres one fight during your day with your s.o, is important. Creating drastic ups and downs because you don't want to talk bout your wants/needs and find healthy ways to get them, doesn't help you, him or the relationship. Seek a therapist they can really help. There could be so many factors as to why you're feeling this way and what's making you push away love. Better to be passive and calm until you figure shit out than make impulsive decisions that can entirely back fire and end up giving you the opposite of what you want .
If you have to block him then you probably shouldnāt be dating
wdym?
@Lšµ Youāre dating someone that youāre blocking?! Thatās toxic and not a healthy relationship. Iād leave someone so fast if they blocked me
@Justmesadly To need space is not toxic it's self care just have to communicate it, and relationships have ups and down. If you ready to leave someone after they blocked you without hearing them out first because they hurt your ego, then maybe you not ready to be in a real relationship.
@Justmesadly just for context me and my boyfriend are incredibly close to each other, and he knows every depth of what i been through with my ocd. id understand your sentiment if it was a fresh and new relationship. i understand what i did is a mistake but to label my whole relationship as toxic because of a single action, i think, is to misspeak.
@Lšµ I didnāt label your relationship at all. I donāt know you so I donāt care what your relationship is like. And @mwill, Iām already in a real relationship lol. Exactly my point. I know for sure adults donāt block people because they are struggling? Needing space is much different than blocking someone. You have to have self care aka therapy, taking care of yourself etc is essential for a relationship.
@Justmesadly you literally said it was toxic... but whatever, im really not trying to start an unnecessary arguement. im barely an adult anyways because im 19, so i admittedly have a bit of maturing to do. i did unblock him and apologize, because i realize the negatives outweigh any benefits of that with the help of you guys. plus.. im quite mentally ill so i naturally sometimes act without rationale.
@Lšµ Great, Iām glad you unblocked him! Itās okay we take years to mature and understand things! Especially when our minds are trying to hold us back š
@Justmesadly thank youā„ļøāØ
you guys are so right. ugh i hate when my brain makes me act impulsively and i cant rationally think out things. thank you
Broke up with my boyfriend today and feel like crap. we love each other dearly but I hurt him about six months ago. An of and on friend of mine was someone who knew me very well, we had quite the history, and still remained friends after all that. My boyfriend thought he was in love with him and I loved him. I didnāt believe it and I still ended talking to him. Deep down, all I wanted was the truth my friend was hiding for me for two years. He said he went to UT but actually was going to the community college instead??? He lied about a lot of things he said to me and everyone told me what they thought, but even with that I wanted empirical data. This obsession broke my boyfriends heart. I got passed the problem and block my friend after he stalked my boyfriend and I behind my car in a bmw. My boyfriend never got over it though. Last night my boyfriend said he wanted a break, he said we were drifting apart, which was utter bs reason. So, after my classes were over he met me in my car. I told him I couldnāt do a break, you either have me, or you donāt. So I broke up with him. He explained how heās been heartbroken over my friends and I situation together for the last six months and has been suppressing his pain. The guilt that hit me was shitty. I feel like a shitty person. Although I didnāt ever cheat, it feels like I did bc I crossed a line. All I wanted was the truth and I allowed my ocd to decide the faith of my relationship. We were crying in my car together for an hour while hugging and talking. I think we left of good terms since we do deeply love each other although he couldnāt get over that. Thatās what is killing me. How much I hurt him and I feel so selfish for not seeing it and I canāt stop crying. My ocd is telling me how shitty of a person I am. Ugh this rant helped lol.
About to send this to the love of my life: I don't think I'm healthy enough to be with you Jack. You deserve the best, and I may of been that at one point but I'm not now. I feel like I'm holding you back from so much you should be exploring/doing and that's selfish and unfair of me. You shouldn't have to worry about someone that is not in touch with reality, and feels crippling guilt for things she hasn't done. You have been so great, and supportive (more than anyone ever would in this situation). I know you love me, and I'll always love you. You have been the greatest joy in my life, but this isn't fair to you because the truth is even if I get better this may never go away entirely. You have done nothing wrong, but I can't live anymore like this. And you don't deserve to go through this kind of stress. You've had more darkness then anyone our age should go through already. You need light right now, and I don't think I can be that. If any part of you agrees with this; you know I'm right. I'm doing the right thing right?
I left my partner 3 days ago please help me feel better heās DEVASTATED and ringing constantly but it was toxic and he didnāt realise he was still emotionally abusing me despite cutting alcohol consumption down (heās an alcoholic) I feel relieved and sad because what do I do now? I was with him all the time, now what? My ocd isnāt helping either Iām like āOMG what if he gets better and treats a new girl like gold ALL of the time not just in cycles? Why couldnāt he for me?ā
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