i just blew up on my sister like rage explosion we are all in family therapy about a trauma she experienced as a child im her younger sibling so i have no memory of the event but its been haunting our family our whole lives mostly because she hasnt been able to move forward (which makes sense she will always probably have ptsd of some sort) and also because my father has an abusive temper. a few years ago she tried to kill herself the day after i visited her where she lived and worked this freaked out the whole family i felt guilt for being there the day before it happened because like well yeah i shouldve stopped it i shouldve known something was up all of those thoughts... afterwards we moved in together and then she moved abroad for a year and then we both ended up moving back in with our parents in october 2019... her depression regressed and she basically has done nothing no work, exercise or socializing (that wasnt forced on her) for almost two years now she doesnt respond to friends texts either and they end up texting me to see if shes okay ive done some catering jobs but also havent been able to get my shit together and move out but i dont make dark statements about never getting better doing this forever and destroying my life on purpose, she says she has no plans of moving out and shes glad to stay home and let her life fall apart if that means it makes my dad miserable because she blames him for all of her lifes problems. Regardless of the toxic family dynamic we have all been trying to go to family therapy and work on things. mostly because we are stuck living with each other and also to see if she ever plans on living on her own again or making strides forward (she has a masters in physical therapy and a bachelors degree and used to have a good circle of friends) she just recently discovered shes a little bit on the autism spectrum but overall she is competent and doesnt really need to be reliant on my parents for the rest of her life and their lives but she refuses to put in the work to at least not let this be her whole life... the other night i was venting about all of this to a friend over the phone in my room and complained about how everything in this family has always been about my sister and my dad my whole life how to help him be less mad and abusive how to help her not be depressed (not that i could even help i was the youngest and out of my depth but thats how i thought about things) and i complained to this friend that no one ever cares how im doing that im also lost and confused and overwhelmed its just assumed im fine because i didnt have this trauma and ive never tried to kill myself... she heard this convo and the next day when i asked how she was she responded i dont know why you care if you hate how everything is always about me basically passive aggressively shitting on me for confiding to my friend about how i feel and using it against me i got mad stormed out and havent talked to her since... well then today we talk and she says something i didnt hear and i was looking at my phone and she goes "and now shes not going to respond because she hates me" or "shes mad at me" this is a new thing she does too like in 3rd person she describes what she assumes im actually thinking and feeling at me because in her mind shes just "speaking the truth" and i just snap i go off on her im screaming name calling cursing belittling her and telling her you want me to yell at you you like it youre practically begging for it you poke me and you poke mom and you hope we will lose it on you to prove what horrible people we are and she just stays calm smugly watches me lose my mind and says you honestly give me too much credit im not an evil mastermind and its like i dont think youre an evil master mind but i think you poke people to set them off i realize my anger is its own problem and its fucked up that i lost my shit but i just cant handle her crap anymore my dad leaves for weeks at a time for work and because he knows hes the bad guy in the house and my mom is too filled with guilt because my sister has made it clear to her that she sees my mom as being a bad mother so sometimes it feels like im the only one who is not afraid to fight her or call her out on her bullshit and be like listen no one is saying your trauma and your hardships arent real but you cant do nothing for the rest of your life and sit in your misery while passive aggressively making everyone else around you as miserable as you are to punish them for not having been better parents or good people in your eyes ... none of this has anything to do with ocd i just have no one to talk to and feel guilty for losing my temper mostly and i am still mad i guess i ended up getting in my car and driving off i honestly am at the point were i just need to get away from her and her energy and i am mad at myself for letting her snide comments get to me that much i dont like that side of myself but i can only handle petty comments so much im just mad in general at her im mad shes like chosen this destructive absent life where she just watches tv all day and then makes passive aggressive comments at people ... at first i felt bad for her shes been through harder shit than me she tried to kill herself her relationship with our father has been way worse and so i justified her self destructive habits and made excuses for her but now i am just full of rage and i guess im mad at myself too because ive let my own life go to crap in the process and used her problems as a distraction