tw mentions of s*i*ide, inc*st ive been showing ocd symptoms for 6 months now, never got a diagnosis because my family doesn't believe me, and now im feeling more suicidal than ever. i can't stand being awake. i can't tell if this is denial or ocd anymore because everything feels so real and im trying to achieve uncertainty about something that one cannot be certain about. i have really bad incest ocd and i just can't take it anymore. im getting these very vivid intrusive images and feelings and i try to figure out if i like them or not but my brain shuts down and im just stuck there with a horrible lump in my throat trying not to burst into tears. this is the first time it has felt so real, i genuinely feel like maybe i am incestuous although it doesn't really add up and i don't wanna live like this. i want to be normal and get rid of this terrible disorder or whatever the hell is going on with me right now but i don't see myself getting better i feel like im doomed for life and maybe im better off... you know...

sure. for the past two days ive been having horrible intrusive feelings and urges, that leave me confused and anxious. the thing is that they're so intense that i can't tell if they're real or not. like the feeling is so strong it's like im almost liking it even though i don't. it's like you're about to get hit by a ball and the ball drops right before it even touches you. these feelings cause me extreme anxiety and despair but im like, do i feel this way because i want to actually derive pleasure from these feelings but i get anxious because they're not socially acceptable or are am i just going though a very severe ocd episode. i believe that when someone experiences attraction they just KNOW it, like they feel it, but lately ive been very baffled about this because you truly never know do you. what if im just in denial. i don't know what to believe anymore. if my thoughts are true then honestly id rather not live with this burden.

feel free to share what you're going through as well :)

@feethebee Ive been getting horrible intrusive thoughts about my family too the thing is i don’t even know if their intrusive sometimes even tho ik i don’t like the thoughts. They are mainly focused around my mother and i get groinal response and this weird sensation whenever im around her and it makes it feel so real. It’s rlly hard for me bcs shes the one whos been helping me through everything but bcs these thoughts and feelings it feels like i don’t deserve any love from he. Sometimes i don’t get bad anxiety and it just makes me doubt myself even more and i don’t feel like myself anymore

@anon345 i feel like im in someone else’s body and not my own tbh

@anon345 im so sorry to hear that. we're on the same boat. i have this exact same thing but with my father and it makes me feel so horrible. i also feel like im somebody else and i can't get myself back. i also feel like sometimes with the intrusive images for example my mind might try to picture my dad as someone else to try and trick me into liking the thoughts if that makes sense. also i can barely feel actual attraction to people i like anymore it's like im a robot. this is hell i hope both you and i get through this, it's so horrible. but at the same time i feel like i shouldn't get help, because what if it's not ocd....

@feethebee It is tough but what i like to acknowledge is that they are only thoughts and to sit with the anxiety when i get them. It’s really hard not to ruminate especially when the thoughts are so horrible i am still trying to get used to it. We just need to acknowledge that it’s irrational. I do believe we will be free of this :)

@anon345 i see, i just view intrusive feelings & urges as much more threatening than intrusive thoughts cause like... they have a particular ring to them that makes them feel SO real even if they're irrational. i hope this is just temporary and that we feel better soon. i really do. thank you for talking to me

@feethebee No i still feel the exact same thing even today i had a really bad thought that felt so real and made me spiral again, but we just have to keep trying even if it feels real. And anytime, if u want to talk again im always free :)

@anon3456 you're really sweet, thank you:)