I think I have TOCD. It's been going for sooo long, 4 months maybe. I'd like to note that I'm 17 btw. It all started after reading a blog post from a non binary game developer talking about their story. I remember that after reading it, I felt more and more anxious about what if I wasn't a guy after all, which makes absolute no sense. I've consistently identified as a guy my whole life, this is how I drew myself, represented and called myself since I was a kid, and I never felt like I was someone else. Now, I had a period of time when I tried to be "cuter", like a femboy or something. I think it was more for internet attention than anything else, and even then, I still identified as a guy without doubt. I tried to make some female friends too. People on Twitter are very open about gender stuff, and so even though I didn't really want to see it, I had people sharing trans content in my feed. I was okay with this, sometimes even supporting them. I think that these two things combined might be what caused this obsession, I'm scared that like what if when I tried to be more like a femboy it means that actually I wanted to be a girl, but this doesn't make sense. I even remember that I was frustrated that I couldn't draw myself with long hair without making me accidentally look like a girl lol. And when a bus driver accidentally called me "miss", it didn't feel right, at least I hope it didn't, I really hope, I can't remember. I often try to figure out if distant memories mean anything and I'm so scared if I somehow find out that I'm wrong. It's been in my mind 24/7. It's the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last before I sleep. I'm constantly checking to see if I still feel like a boy, and I think that by now I must've reviewed all the memories I have in my hippocampus in search for an answer lol. Now it's been going for so long that sometimes it feels real, as if being the other gender was what I want, which makes me scared, it doesn't feel like it represents who I am, he/him is what feels right. I'm not a super manly man, but I don't think I'm something other than a guy either. Sometimes I think "ok, maybe demiboy or genderfluid", but then it would imply that I would be okay with they/them pronouns and I'm like "nah". I'm also scared that I'm in denial or somehow lying to myself, even while writing this it sometimes feels like I'm lying and I no longer know what feelings or thoughts are real or not, I'm scared. Now I find this situation really frustrating because no matter how much evidence I show to OCD, it somehow still finds a way to still make me doubt, just constant doubt. What if I'm trans? What if I didn't have OCD and deep down I was just denying it all? What if because I like this girl it means something else? What if I don't actually enjoy being with my male friends? I keep repeating to myself that I feel like a boy, it's who I am, but every time I'm sure I managed to get certainty, like "yep, I'm a guy!" it just goes back afterwards. I wish I went back to before this and it was just the part of my identity I didn't question. I try to accept the uncertainty, I tell myself that maybe I'll never be sure, but I seem to be going in circles. I relate to a lot of the symptoms of OCD but I'm not diagnosed. And also it's my first theme ever so I can't reassure myself that it's actually OCD. Also I'm scared to talk about it to my parents, I'm afraid they wouldn't understand :( Sorry for the long post, and I hope that everyone here is okay.