I just did a panic attack because we were talking about death in english class today.

my panic attacks have been getting worse when the thought of harming someone comes up and today, it reached a high point, i was in the kitchen with my mom, trying to get over my fears of being near and just eat, but when my dog came in and heard me eating and walked in, i got triggered and thought i was one second away from hurting him or mom so i left the kitchen but before i could, i grabbed the scissors and panicked, and tried to get my mom for help but she was occupied, then i was trying to focus enough to put down the scissors but i couldnt and went into panic mode, i couldnt think, i couldnt focus, i slowly inched the scissors towards my mom thinking i might actually stab her in my stressed and panicked statem slowly inching the scissors towards her and scared, then she saw me, simply looked at me and said "what are you gonna do huh?" like she wasnt afraid, and that was enough to snap me out of it and put down the scissors, then i walked back to my room and here i am, trying not to call myself a monster but cant help but keep looking back at that moment, cause i really really felt like i could have...

I don’t know what crack my hormones are on this week but I’ve had like 4 different panic attacks at work today. I sometimes think it’s so silly that I was diagnosed with panic disorder until this starts to happen every 4 weeks. Panic attack followed by panic attacks all day for days. I feel like I’m going insane. I’m scared I’ll get reprimanded for staying in the bathroom for so long but I can’t have a panic attack out there in front of everyone :( I feel so scared ugh

I'm in college and about an hour ago i had class. I like to sit alone bc I get a bunch of stupid intrusive harm thoughts. Anyway I couldn't focus AT ALL today. This girl decided to sit next to me and I wanted to ESCAPE. Like i desperately wanted to get up and leave to the bathroom and wait till class was over. I took a deep breath and stayed anyways and tried to focus on lecture but i kept getting so many thoughts and I kept hyperfocusing on my right hand (which was next to her) and my hand felt so weird! Like tingly?? I was like "omg why is my hand feel so weird?? Does that mean i want to do something?!" And it kept imagining me grabbing at her or grabbing my drink and throwing it on her while i was trying to take a sip. I tried eating my breakfast to distract myself but i was holding a fork and got another thought. I realized i was tensing my hands (as a compulsion... i try to keep them as still as possible and as close to me as possible bc the thoughts feel so distressing and the "what if i act out " is playing in my head) And I was internally panicking and now im at the library feeling sad and i feel like I need to solve this. I spent the past hour just mentally reviewing the whole class time rn. The whole class time I was at the edge of the table trying to stay as far as i could and i would get relieved whenever she would stand up to leave the class for something. I managed to make it through the whole class without leaving though but the question in my mind is bothering me so much, "how do I know that these thoughts aren't genuine or are thoughts I want to carry out and why was my hand feeling so weird?" I feel stressed at the library and i want to figure this out 😞