That's so interesting that when I got my sexual orientation ocd diagnosed I realized that I'd had ocd all my life but it'd been taking different forms all those years. It hit me when i read about existential ocd. My existential ocd started when i was 16 and it's been with me ever since. I'm 23 now. I never suspected that it could be ocd. I've had negative intrusive thoughts about the meaning of life, consciousness, I've also had labor crisis caused by existential crisis (I can't work because I'm scared to waste all my life working the job i hate that doesn't have any significant purpose, and also the idea to work to get money to buy food in order to work repels me immeasurably) and also inability to function in the society because of all these things. The compulsion I'm used to is saying "I wanna die". I say it so often that my friends and family associate the phrase with me. Sad. I wake up with these words on my mind, they don't actually even mean anything to me. They help me to deal with this life and go on. Because of this ocd I would learn for months 24/7 about psychology, philosophy, physics, quantum physics, religion and many more things to the point that i couldn't find any new information about interesting me topics. Then I got ocd over the fear of throwing up. I was so afraid of getting food poisoned that i would starve, clean everything around, wash my food with soup (lol), sanitize hands and cutlery many times a day, i would avoid places where i saw someone throwing up, or even wearing the clothes i had on the day I saw it. I would eat something and feel like i immediately got food poisoned. I had panic sever attacks all the time many times per day for a year. I don't know how i survived that, the feelings tho that I experienced back then are really similar to those i experience now with sexual orientation ocd. It ended thanks to i don't know who. I'm still super picky about my food tho, but not that much anymore. Because of that i learned a lot about human biology, psyche, and medications. Now when my friends or family members get prescribed some medications I most likely know what those medications are and can tell a lot about them. Then I had an obsession about learning English to speak like a native English speaker so it took me 3 months to learn it to the level that i got an English speaking partner without any problems. I was obsessed over small details I would feel extremely bad if I made a mistake. It came many times to panic attacks. Thanksfully it ended but I still watch tv series and read books and basically do everything in English. Habit. Gosh it's not the end. I'm so lazy to write so I'll make the next one short. I had an obsession with acne. I would burn my face with acids to get rid of acne, (it wasn't actually bad). My face basically looked horrible because of me, i would pick it and spend hours in front of the mirror. I didn't go outside at all and would learn a lot again about how to treat it. I know almost everything about skin related problems now and i know almost everything about skincare and skincare ingredients. My skin now is more than perfect because of a well established skincare routine and i advise my friends on how to take care of their skin and they are really satisfied with results. I got to college to study cosmetology because of that but I'll quit because of my existential crisis lol. The idea to be a cosmetologist kills me for some reason. It's not for me. So the idea behind it all is that it made my life. My OCD affected my life so drastically that it made me who I am now. It also made me learn things that I normally wouldn't on my own. It doesn't mean it's good or bad at all it's just funny. I want to be in control of my life. I wonder where the sexual orientation ocd will bring me to tho, I certainly know it will end too but i wonder what it will teache me. The only thing I know is that now I certainly need to take actions in order to gain control over my life and never let such things happen again.