I have a weird one idk if its OCD but I know im a decent guy, at least average looking but I feel like I need validation from girls. Its like i just want to know for sure if im attractive and how much is so… perhaps from a fear of not being good enough. With much reluctance and self-hatred i downloaded a dating app and actually did get matches and conversations, etc which surprised me and gave me like a “high” for a while and a sense of relief like “oh thank goodness I must be attractive then” but no matter what, somehow my anxiety would always find a way of convincing that I wasnt. Ie: if a girl and I werent compatible and she unmatched me I’d feel like I wasnt good enough, or if she asked me to hang out id just think she must be easy and says that to many guys etc. Like no matter what my anxiety prevails and despite the reassurance I got from actually doing decently well on this app, it has only left me feeling more anxious, rejected, depressed and confused. Is this OCD?

Damn, exactly me dude. When I got 1 like I was exstatic, then over it, then at 5 likes the high came back, then i needed more. Then i needed matches, then requests to hang out, etc etc. The frustrating part is I know logically im being really insecure and I shouldnt seek validation like this, but I can’t help but feel this way about myself. I agree we need to work on self love definitely. I wonder how we can use exposure in our case as I believe fishing for compliments or dating apps probably acts as the opposite (reassurance-seeking behaviour)

@Sourcreamnachos Yes exactly! I’ve found that finding replacement behaviors that align with my values helps a lot. If I feel the urge to seek out validation I cook, read, contact my family, walk my dog. I try to do things that align with my values. It’s all a process of course and it’s never that easy but in time it will be.

@Asdf55 Thanks for your help and advice I appreciate it Ive deleted the app and honestly its hard lol. The momentary validation is addictive. However I feel horrible and this was a learning experience for sure.. thanks again

I definitely relate to this. I used to even go on omegle or download dating apps just hoping for the compliments/attention/positive validation. Deleting social media has helped a ton, because the likes are definitely addicting. Whenever I have the urge I remind myself that it’s just insecurity and I try to do something more fulfilling/productive that will make me feel good abt myself in a better way. Like putting together a good outfit/makeup or making art only for myself, or helping someone else. Bc I used to do makeup n stuff just to post things it’s a good challenge for me to do it for myself without the goal of attention

Thank you for taking the time to write this comment, made my day. Take care 🙂

@Sourcreamnachos aw no problem bud, you too!