Having some absolutely terrifying existential thoughts for the past 2 weeks that keep me awake every night in fear of literally everything. I am overthinking every single aspect of existence and my brain is telling me I NEED an answer to things that are unknown (why consciousness exists, why good is good and bad is bad, what happens after death, if there is something greater than us.) never had these thoughts before about 3 months ago and now they’re absolutely horrendous. Anyone have any experience with this or recovery stories? Any tips on how to deal would be greatly appreciated. My exposures seem to just be stressing me out a lot more with no relief thus far.

Yes I’m in therapy. I’ve had a couple different themes and my exposures for past themes have worked, however this theme just isn’t budging. The most recent exposure I tried was reading an article about how Elon Musk thinks we’re all in a simulation and my anxiety after reading it was so bad I didn’t sleep all night. I’m trying to just sit with the thoughts without engaging or doing compulsions and it’s getting so much worse. I’ve never had a theme this scary or persistent before.

@Anonymous Actually I take that back. The previous themes I’ve had lasted years and this ones only been a couple months so there’s still time for it to get better. This one is just the scariest one because it makes me question and doubt every single aspect of reality and consciousness.

@Anonymous I HAD SIMULATION OCD TOO. For years. I just now saw you said that.

@Anonymous It terrifies me. But not only that thought, just like “why do we need consciousness?” “Who decided what actions are bad and what actions are good?” “What if I start to beleive that good and bad are just an illusion and I do something bad?” Like so many scary thoughts it feels like I’m drowning in them.

@Anonymous Oh yea, i know. For me it was like "oh, so literally everything is pointless" and that was super upsetting for me. I even watched a two hour debate on it. I researched... Ugh. I feel you. You have a wonderful brain that is just working so hard at scaring you. This will get better. The exposures make my OCD unbearable for the first couple weeks... Then i start to feel better.

@Anonymous I’m also going through the “everything is pointless” phase right now. The “one day I’m gonna die and what if nothing happens after death? Than all my memories and accomplishments will just be gone with me so there’s no point of trying” it makes it so hard to enjoy anything that I used to. I used to be so normal. Now I question everything. I’m so sorry you went through it too! But I’m really glad you got better.

@Anonymous Yea its tough. My OCD is still here it just took on a different/older subtype. But I do feel like we can live with these small possibilities, we just have to learn how to. I had the after death thoughts also.

These exposures are just so much more terrifying than ones I’ve done for previous themes. And for the last two weeks it’s been getting consistently worse. I’ve had a couple good days but every time I feel good for a day, it’s worse the next day.

I’m having the exact same issue. I honestly have no idea what my compulsions or triggers are. I seem to fear that nothing is real or have these crazy type of fears for most of the day. Unless I’m super distracted or at work. But then it comes back as soon as I’m alone or not busy again. I don’t have any compulsions as far as I can think of with this one either. They’re not even really “intrusive thoughts.” Intrusive thoughts are something that you know are irrational and that you don’t want to think about, yet your mind replays the thoughts constantly. These are just genuine fears. I’m not even sure this is OCD related. My therapist told me it’s an OCD theme but I don’t think this one is. I feel like I’m going crazy. It doesn’t feel like the other themes I’ve had.

Also trigger warning. I’m gonna talk about an exposure real quick. So if it might make you anxious, you don’t have to read this reply 😊 My therapist told me an exposure I could do for this is to either watch a scene from the matrix or listen to Elon Musk talking about how we’re all in a simulation. I found a scene from the Matrix that I thought would induce anxiety but it just seemed like a fake movie and didn’t really do much. So I looked up Elon Musk talking about the simulation theory. And in the article, it said that some scientists believe there’s a 50/50 chance that we are actually in a simulation. Which made me so extremely anxious. I know exposures are supposed to make you anxious for them to work, but this is like on another level anxiety. It’s like crippling fear at this point. And it’s about stuff that *may* be real. Or about stuff that I know is real yet there are just no answers to in the universe. Which makes it so much more difficult.

@Anonymous Not to defy what youre saying, because your advice as far as how to deal with the OCD is spot on- but I went down the rabbit hole in a major way on this subject and most scientists think the simulation theory is garbage.

@Anonymous Thank you for putting this all out there. I don't think too much about the simulation stuff. I am more on the "life is pointless so why live?" side of things which are definitely intrusive thoughts. I question if it's OCD constantly. I ask myself "are these ocd thoughts or are they just things people haven't thought about yet?" With other themes I'm able to see that it's illogical. But this one I can't, and it's such a huge topic (literally about my whole life!) So I'm not able to distract myself at all. I feel like I'm stuck in a paradox

@Anonymous I’m glad to hear that most scientists thinks it’s garbage. The articles I’ve read about it in the past stress me out too much. I honestly think exposures for this subject just aren’t working. It may just not be OCD but I think the exposures are genuinely making it worse 🤷🏻‍♀️ Thank you!

@dpawelcz And yup I’m also stuck in the “life is pointless” thoughts right now. It’s so weird

@Anonymous I think because there's a difficult place to land with it, it is hard to do exposures. Because some people do think its valid and others don't. I will say that now that I'm not actively worrying about the simulation subject, my beliefs are mostly what they were before and while the topic still triggers some anxiety I personally have found that I dont think we live in a simulation/dont care that much.