- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
This is really helpful! I was in a very similar situation to you. I’ve not had OCD for that long, but had struggled with health anxiety ever since I was 12. In 2020, I developed OCD and was completely miserable, I had no idea it was OCD. It was essentially extreme health anxiety, but looking back - so OCD. When school restarted and I was around my friends, I started to feel a lot of relief and felt genuinely at peace, which I hadn’t for so long. But, literally within a week, I started experiencing HOCD. I can still remember the moment it started and the immense panic and dread that I felt - it was so horrific. And I was on my own. I couldn’t tell anyone, in fear that they’d label me as a closeted lesbian. I was besides myself. I was constantly checking to see whether I found girls sexually attractive, even some of my friends which made me feel awful. And of course, OCD feels real so I’d go through cycles of being utterly convinced that I was in fact a lesbian. I had no idea I had OCD, and like you, I realised through the internet and suddenly everything made sense. After that, I researched how to recover, and I did the exact same as you. Dropped compulsions, started being at peace with the question, ‘am I bisexual/lesbian?’ and gradually, I was free. This is reassurance for those who still have it, but after getting to the other end of the tunnel, I was baffled at how much OCD can corrupt your thinking, like now I’m almost certain that I’m straight, yet I had spent so long being convinced I wasn’t... but yeah, maybe I’m not still, lmao. I don’t even care now!!! Good for you though, that’s amazing. And brokeback mountain is definitely a hard one for guys!!
- Date posted
- 4y
the amount of RELIEF i got from your post because i rarely ever see people saying they went through times when they were convinced they were lesbians and i thought this meant i was definitely one and it wasn't hocd but actual real denial i know you didn't mean your post as reassurance but i was just so confused as to whether hocd can get me convinced i am a lesbian and that i actually might enjoy same s3x intercourse, mostly because in the past few days i haven't felt much anxiety regarding my thoughts and i am able to tell them to shush more easily anw, thank you infinitely
- Date posted
- 4y
@Nour04 Yeah! I use the word ‘convinced’, but we’re not convinced in the same way that someone who is actually a lesbian/bi would be convinced, it’s more if an intense confusion that leads us to feel that there is no other answer than to say that we’re x. But everything you describe is so normal for this theme. When I was at my worse, I felt that there was no way out. I was completely lost, confused, depressed - everything. I felt like my life was over. But then I started doing the right things, and I’m in such a better place now!! You’ve got this. I promise you. You sound just like I was!!!
- Date posted
- 4y
@fuchsia<3 thank you so much!! the thing that is freaking me out the most is that my anxiety towards the thoughts has reduced so i feel like i actually like the thoughts and want them and it FREAKS me out
- Date posted
- 4y
@Nour04 I just want to say this post was really hopeful and I am so happy I saw it. Thank you!
- Date posted
- 4y
@Nour04 I’m the same as you !!!!
- Date posted
- 4y
@lkkkk1234 Like honestly sometimes I’m convinced
- Date posted
- 4y
heyy!! thank you for this one of my compulsions(i guess)is whenever i see a good looking girl the first thing i do is stare at her for hours and try to imagine sleeping with her and stuff to see if i like it at first it was intentional but now it feels like it's automatic and i am scared because what if i do that because i actually like them? but as soon as i see a pretty girl and stare at her my brain is bombarded with questions such as "do you like her? do you want to kiss her? do you want to sleep with her?" and sometimes it feels so real as if i really do so, do you honestly think this is just denial or really hocd??
- Date posted
- 4y
especially because stuff hasn't been bothering me as much lately and i am scared i am starting to reveal my real colours and that i have always been bi/lesbian in denial and i am panicking
- Date posted
- 4y
Definitely hocd. I had the same issues. Also theres nothing wrong with looking at a girl and thinking shes good looking. I look at other guys sometimes and am like "damn that's a good looking dude" it's your ocd that gives you those "do I wanna kiss her" type thoughts. That's all they are, thoughts. Just learn to be like "do I wanna kiss her? Maybe, maybe not. Who cares" make it lose its power over you. But yes 1000% hocd. One of the biggest things I heard when I rid myself of it was a simple line by some random guy on a fourm in 2013 "if you don't wanna be gay then you're not"
- Date posted
- 4y
@OCDUDE99 thank you infinitely OMG the amount of stress this has been causing me because the thoughts aren't "what if" anymore (still are some of them) but they're more like staring at every girl to see whether i would like to do anything with her and sometimes i do this unconsciously and it freaks me out because i feel like i like it
- Date posted
- 4y
@Nour04 Fight those thoughts back, you got this 💪
- Date posted
- 4y
@OCDUDE99 thank you so much!! honestly seeing that you jave overcome this gave me some sense of hope so thank you infinitely
- Date posted
- 4y
Omg that helped me out a little bit more I was doing so good with my hocd and I would always go with my gut feeling and I test myself if it was still there and my gut feeling went against me I have a boyfriend and it’s so hard and right I feel like I’m covered that I’m lesbian I still get uncomfortable and unhappy and I still can’t see myself with a girl can you please give me some advice and I’m 16 i have always been boy crazy before this
- Date posted
- 4y
Is it normal to have to say maybe maybe not every 2 seconds because of a thought feeling or sensation
- Date posted
- 4y
I mean nothing is abnormal with ocd. You need to focus on saying yeah maybe I am and focusing back onto what you were doing. Really mean it when you say it though. Say it with conviction "YEAH MAYBE I AM GAY WHO CARES". If you struggle with constantly being in your head you need to start a meditation practice and stick to it. It changed my life and it can do the same to you.
- Date posted
- 4y
@OCDUDE99 Also, as soon as you started doing the maybe maybe notit strategy, like within the first couple of hours, did it feel great, like you felt a lot better
- Date posted
- 4y
@dylen No it was over time it slowly got easier. It's not going to be immediate. But with meditation I feel crazy relaxed after a session.
- Date posted
- 4y
@OCDUDE99 Lol, I felt good for a few hours but now I feel a lil bit anxious, but this technique started working greatly lol
- Date posted
- 4y
@dylen Just keep it up man, it'll get easier over time until you're over it.
- Date posted
- 4y
@OCDUDE99 Like I notice I have a lot of anxiety in my groin, even without the intrusive thoughts, even the slightest touch makes it erect not to be graphic lol
Related posts
- Date posted
- 16w
Think logically. Literally. Take me as an example. I have hocd and my obsession is “what if I’m gay”. I’ve liked girls my whole life, I can still get aroused by them and I can’t get the same instinctive reaction from a guy. So I can’t be gay. Sometimes ocd will go to something else once you prove it wrong. Maybe like. “What if I’m bi” again I can only get aroused by girls. Sometimes when I’m not thinking about it I can even get aroused when sitting next to a girl or when I’m sitting next to one or even when I’m touching one in a non sexual way. Something that never happens or has happened with a guy in my life. Don’t start panicking. Just “realise” who you are and who you’ve been.
- Date posted
- 12w
trigger warning!!!!!! I’m really scared right now. I’ve been reading Elle Warren’s articles about her experience with HOCD/SO-OCD, and it feels so similar to mine. She went through the same fears of being a lesbian, felt distressed by her attraction to women, and spent hours ruminating, Googling, and analyzing her feelings. She even experienced groinal responses and revisited old memories, just like I do. Eventually, she had a moment of realization in college when she flirted with a girl, and everything clicked. She now identifies as a lesbian. I’m terrified that the same thing will happen to me. I thought the OCD fears were supposed to never be true and that HOCD thoughts are usually just compulsions that don’t end up being real. But reading her story, it’s like I’m seeing my own experience mirrored. What if it clicks for me, just like it did for her? What if I realize that I am a lesbian? Elle’s story makes me so scared. I thought my feelings of attraction to women were just OCD-driven, and now I’m questioning everything. I thought I was straight, but now, reading her journey, I’m wondering: could my OCD fears actually be real? Elle’s experience was very similar to mine: • She got distressed when she thought she might like women, not relieved. • She spent a lot of time ruminating, Googling, analyzing, and comparing. • Her attraction to women only became intense when her OCD flared up. • She said things like, “I feel peace when I believe I’m straight.” • She had already been diagnosed with OCD and had a history of this pattern. After years of fear and distress, Elle had a moment of calm and realized that it was true. I’m scared that this could happen to me too. Will I have a similar moment of acceptance, where everything clicks and I realize I’m gay? Or will I come to accept that this is all OCD, and that I’m straight, with the possibility that I’m not? I also keep thinking back to when my OCD lessened the first time. Did I go back to men because I wasn’t actually attracted to women, or was it just because the grip of the OCD had loosened? Elle also talked about the shame associated with non-heterosexuality. She mentioned that, like many of us, she had internalized stigma around being gay, and that it made her fear the possibility of being non-heterosexual. I can relate to this so much—growing up, I never saw it as an option to be anything other than straight, and now it’s hard to shake that fear and shame. Elle mentioned that she found reassurance in seeing other people with HOCD who worried that their fears would come true, but eventually realized they were just OCD thoughts. That idea is comforting, but also a little scary, because what if that moment of realization happens for me too? What if I finally accept that I am a lesbian? Or, what if I’m just struggling with OCD and eventually realize I’m straight? I just don’t know. The scariest part is that, just like Elle, I feel like I don’t have any obvious signs. She had no idea she was a lesbian until one day, everything clicked. She was 21, just like me when my OCD fears really flared up, and she had a breakthrough moment in Denver when she made friends with lesbians. That hasn’t happened for me yet, and it’s terrifying to think that it could happen in the future. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m really scared about where this will lead.
- Date posted
- 7w
I can't look at 18+ videos, comics, etc. I am straight, but SO-OCD tries to make me think I am not And the thoughts turns to feelings, and makes me scared, uncomfortable, sad, because I know this is not me. And when I try to imagine myself being with the woman on adult videos, and comics, my OCD gives gronal response not at the girl, and it fills me with fear, and anxiety, I always loved, and was attracted to women but I can't and it caused me to be depressed, and I keep ruminating I keep trying to focus on her, but it's so bad that I avoid those all the time now. I am wondering has anyone gone through something like this, or currently is, and wondering how you have done to combat this!
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