- Date posted
- 3y ago
- Date posted
- 3y ago
This is really helpful! I was in a very similar situation to you. I’ve not had OCD for that long, but had struggled with health anxiety ever since I was 12. In 2020, I developed OCD and was completely miserable, I had no idea it was OCD. It was essentially extreme health anxiety, but looking back - so OCD. When school restarted and I was around my friends, I started to feel a lot of relief and felt genuinely at peace, which I hadn’t for so long. But, literally within a week, I started experiencing HOCD. I can still remember the moment it started and the immense panic and dread that I felt - it was so horrific. And I was on my own. I couldn’t tell anyone, in fear that they’d label me as a closeted lesbian. I was besides myself. I was constantly checking to see whether I found girls sexually attractive, even some of my friends which made me feel awful. And of course, OCD feels real so I’d go through cycles of being utterly convinced that I was in fact a lesbian. I had no idea I had OCD, and like you, I realised through the internet and suddenly everything made sense. After that, I researched how to recover, and I did the exact same as you. Dropped compulsions, started being at peace with the question, ‘am I bisexual/lesbian?’ and gradually, I was free. This is reassurance for those who still have it, but after getting to the other end of the tunnel, I was baffled at how much OCD can corrupt your thinking, like now I’m almost certain that I’m straight, yet I had spent so long being convinced I wasn’t... but yeah, maybe I’m not still, lmao. I don’t even care now!!! Good for you though, that’s amazing. And brokeback mountain is definitely a hard one for guys!!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
the amount of RELIEF i got from your post because i rarely ever see people saying they went through times when they were convinced they were lesbians and i thought this meant i was definitely one and it wasn't hocd but actual real denial i know you didn't mean your post as reassurance but i was just so confused as to whether hocd can get me convinced i am a lesbian and that i actually might enjoy same s3x intercourse, mostly because in the past few days i haven't felt much anxiety regarding my thoughts and i am able to tell them to shush more easily anw, thank you infinitely
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Nour04 Yeah! I use the word ‘convinced’, but we’re not convinced in the same way that someone who is actually a lesbian/bi would be convinced, it’s more if an intense confusion that leads us to feel that there is no other answer than to say that we’re x. But everything you describe is so normal for this theme. When I was at my worse, I felt that there was no way out. I was completely lost, confused, depressed - everything. I felt like my life was over. But then I started doing the right things, and I’m in such a better place now!! You’ve got this. I promise you. You sound just like I was!!!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@fuchsia<3 thank you so much!! the thing that is freaking me out the most is that my anxiety towards the thoughts has reduced so i feel like i actually like the thoughts and want them and it FREAKS me out
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Nour04 I just want to say this post was really hopeful and I am so happy I saw it. Thank you!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Nour04 I’m the same as you !!!!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@lkkkk1234 Like honestly sometimes I’m convinced
- Date posted
- 3y ago
heyy!! thank you for this one of my compulsions(i guess)is whenever i see a good looking girl the first thing i do is stare at her for hours and try to imagine sleeping with her and stuff to see if i like it at first it was intentional but now it feels like it's automatic and i am scared because what if i do that because i actually like them? but as soon as i see a pretty girl and stare at her my brain is bombarded with questions such as "do you like her? do you want to kiss her? do you want to sleep with her?" and sometimes it feels so real as if i really do so, do you honestly think this is just denial or really hocd??
- Date posted
- 3y ago
especially because stuff hasn't been bothering me as much lately and i am scared i am starting to reveal my real colours and that i have always been bi/lesbian in denial and i am panicking
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Definitely hocd. I had the same issues. Also theres nothing wrong with looking at a girl and thinking shes good looking. I look at other guys sometimes and am like "damn that's a good looking dude" it's your ocd that gives you those "do I wanna kiss her" type thoughts. That's all they are, thoughts. Just learn to be like "do I wanna kiss her? Maybe, maybe not. Who cares" make it lose its power over you. But yes 1000% hocd. One of the biggest things I heard when I rid myself of it was a simple line by some random guy on a fourm in 2013 "if you don't wanna be gay then you're not"
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@OCDUDE99 thank you infinitely OMG the amount of stress this has been causing me because the thoughts aren't "what if" anymore (still are some of them) but they're more like staring at every girl to see whether i would like to do anything with her and sometimes i do this unconsciously and it freaks me out because i feel like i like it
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Nour04 Fight those thoughts back, you got this 💪
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@OCDUDE99 thank you so much!! honestly seeing that you jave overcome this gave me some sense of hope so thank you infinitely
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Omg that helped me out a little bit more I was doing so good with my hocd and I would always go with my gut feeling and I test myself if it was still there and my gut feeling went against me I have a boyfriend and it’s so hard and right I feel like I’m covered that I’m lesbian I still get uncomfortable and unhappy and I still can’t see myself with a girl can you please give me some advice and I’m 16 i have always been boy crazy before this
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Is it normal to have to say maybe maybe not every 2 seconds because of a thought feeling or sensation
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I mean nothing is abnormal with ocd. You need to focus on saying yeah maybe I am and focusing back onto what you were doing. Really mean it when you say it though. Say it with conviction "YEAH MAYBE I AM GAY WHO CARES". If you struggle with constantly being in your head you need to start a meditation practice and stick to it. It changed my life and it can do the same to you.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@OCDUDE99 Also, as soon as you started doing the maybe maybe notit strategy, like within the first couple of hours, did it feel great, like you felt a lot better
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@dylen No it was over time it slowly got easier. It's not going to be immediate. But with meditation I feel crazy relaxed after a session.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@OCDUDE99 Lol, I felt good for a few hours but now I feel a lil bit anxious, but this technique started working greatly lol
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@dylen Just keep it up man, it'll get easier over time until you're over it.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@OCDUDE99 Like I notice I have a lot of anxiety in my groin, even without the intrusive thoughts, even the slightest touch makes it erect not to be graphic lol
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 12w ago
Looking back, I realize I’ve had OCD since I was 7. though I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 30. As a kid, I was consumed by fears I couldn’t explain: "What if God isn’t real? What happens when we die? How do I know I’m real?" These existential thoughts terrified me, and while everyone has them from time to time, I felt like they were consuming my life. By 12, I was having daily panic attacks about death and war, feeling untethered from reality as depersonalization and derealization set in. At 15, I turned to drinking, spending the next 15 years drunk, trying to escape my mind. I hated myself, struggled with my body, and my intrusive thoughts. Sobriety forced me to face it all head-on. In May 2022, I finally learned I had OCD. I remember the exact date: May 10th. Reading about it, I thought, "Oh my God, this is it. This explains everything." My main themes were existential OCD and self-harm intrusive thoughts. The self-harm fears were the hardest: "What if I kill myself? What if I lose control?" These thoughts terrified me because I didn’t want to die. ERP changed everything. At first, I thought, "You want me to confront my worst fears? Are you kidding me?" But ERP is gradual and done at your pace. My therapist taught me to lean into uncertainty instead of fighting it. She’d say, "Maybe you’ll kill yourself—who knows?" At first, it felt scary, but for OCD, it was freeing. Slowly, I realized my thoughts were just thoughts. ERP gave me my life back. I’m working again, I’m sober, and for the first time, I can imagine a future. If you’re scared to try ERP, I get it. But if you’re already living in fear, why not try a set of tools that can give you hope?
- Date posted
- 9w ago
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
- Date posted
- 6w ago
Last year during April I started to experience groinal responses when I looked at kids. I was terrified of what it could mean and decided to attempt two weeks later. The very next day I had those responses I decided to attempt. I didn’t really have the courage to do so at that time but I started experiencing images about disturbing things done to kids and as days went by it got worse. April 16 was the last straw and I couldn’t take it anymore. I ended up in a mental hospital but before I ended up there I had searched up what I was experiencing. That’s when I started to understand that it was OCD. I felt relieved for a few moments until I felt the urge to get more information. I saw lots and lots of things and many comments saying that it wasn’t normal and that people who went through this were disgusting people who shouldn’t be allowed to roam free. That’s when my anxiety and fear became worse and I tried to get rid of it but nothing worked. I shook the entire time I was awake, I didn’t have motivation for anything anymore, I just felt so disgusting. In the end, I’m so glad I ended up in that mental hospital or else I wouldn’t be here with my friends and family. Thank you for reading my story, I’m so glad that I’m not alone
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond