- Date posted
- 3y ago
- Date posted
- 3y ago
This is really helpful! I was in a very similar situation to you. I’ve not had OCD for that long, but had struggled with health anxiety ever since I was 12. In 2020, I developed OCD and was completely miserable, I had no idea it was OCD. It was essentially extreme health anxiety, but looking back - so OCD. When school restarted and I was around my friends, I started to feel a lot of relief and felt genuinely at peace, which I hadn’t for so long. But, literally within a week, I started experiencing HOCD. I can still remember the moment it started and the immense panic and dread that I felt - it was so horrific. And I was on my own. I couldn’t tell anyone, in fear that they’d label me as a closeted lesbian. I was besides myself. I was constantly checking to see whether I found girls sexually attractive, even some of my friends which made me feel awful. And of course, OCD feels real so I’d go through cycles of being utterly convinced that I was in fact a lesbian. I had no idea I had OCD, and like you, I realised through the internet and suddenly everything made sense. After that, I researched how to recover, and I did the exact same as you. Dropped compulsions, started being at peace with the question, ‘am I bisexual/lesbian?’ and gradually, I was free. This is reassurance for those who still have it, but after getting to the other end of the tunnel, I was baffled at how much OCD can corrupt your thinking, like now I’m almost certain that I’m straight, yet I had spent so long being convinced I wasn’t... but yeah, maybe I’m not still, lmao. I don’t even care now!!! Good for you though, that’s amazing. And brokeback mountain is definitely a hard one for guys!!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
the amount of RELIEF i got from your post because i rarely ever see people saying they went through times when they were convinced they were lesbians and i thought this meant i was definitely one and it wasn't hocd but actual real denial i know you didn't mean your post as reassurance but i was just so confused as to whether hocd can get me convinced i am a lesbian and that i actually might enjoy same s3x intercourse, mostly because in the past few days i haven't felt much anxiety regarding my thoughts and i am able to tell them to shush more easily anw, thank you infinitely
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Nour04 Yeah! I use the word ‘convinced’, but we’re not convinced in the same way that someone who is actually a lesbian/bi would be convinced, it’s more if an intense confusion that leads us to feel that there is no other answer than to say that we’re x. But everything you describe is so normal for this theme. When I was at my worse, I felt that there was no way out. I was completely lost, confused, depressed - everything. I felt like my life was over. But then I started doing the right things, and I’m in such a better place now!! You’ve got this. I promise you. You sound just like I was!!!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@fuchsia<3 thank you so much!! the thing that is freaking me out the most is that my anxiety towards the thoughts has reduced so i feel like i actually like the thoughts and want them and it FREAKS me out
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Nour04 I just want to say this post was really hopeful and I am so happy I saw it. Thank you!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Nour04 I’m the same as you !!!!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@lkkkk1234 Like honestly sometimes I’m convinced
- Date posted
- 3y ago
heyy!! thank you for this one of my compulsions(i guess)is whenever i see a good looking girl the first thing i do is stare at her for hours and try to imagine sleeping with her and stuff to see if i like it at first it was intentional but now it feels like it's automatic and i am scared because what if i do that because i actually like them? but as soon as i see a pretty girl and stare at her my brain is bombarded with questions such as "do you like her? do you want to kiss her? do you want to sleep with her?" and sometimes it feels so real as if i really do so, do you honestly think this is just denial or really hocd??
- Date posted
- 3y ago
especially because stuff hasn't been bothering me as much lately and i am scared i am starting to reveal my real colours and that i have always been bi/lesbian in denial and i am panicking
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Definitely hocd. I had the same issues. Also theres nothing wrong with looking at a girl and thinking shes good looking. I look at other guys sometimes and am like "damn that's a good looking dude" it's your ocd that gives you those "do I wanna kiss her" type thoughts. That's all they are, thoughts. Just learn to be like "do I wanna kiss her? Maybe, maybe not. Who cares" make it lose its power over you. But yes 1000% hocd. One of the biggest things I heard when I rid myself of it was a simple line by some random guy on a fourm in 2013 "if you don't wanna be gay then you're not"
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@OCDUDE99 thank you infinitely OMG the amount of stress this has been causing me because the thoughts aren't "what if" anymore (still are some of them) but they're more like staring at every girl to see whether i would like to do anything with her and sometimes i do this unconsciously and it freaks me out because i feel like i like it
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Nour04 Fight those thoughts back, you got this 💪
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@OCDUDE99 thank you so much!! honestly seeing that you jave overcome this gave me some sense of hope so thank you infinitely
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Omg that helped me out a little bit more I was doing so good with my hocd and I would always go with my gut feeling and I test myself if it was still there and my gut feeling went against me I have a boyfriend and it’s so hard and right I feel like I’m covered that I’m lesbian I still get uncomfortable and unhappy and I still can’t see myself with a girl can you please give me some advice and I’m 16 i have always been boy crazy before this
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Is it normal to have to say maybe maybe not every 2 seconds because of a thought feeling or sensation
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I mean nothing is abnormal with ocd. You need to focus on saying yeah maybe I am and focusing back onto what you were doing. Really mean it when you say it though. Say it with conviction "YEAH MAYBE I AM GAY WHO CARES". If you struggle with constantly being in your head you need to start a meditation practice and stick to it. It changed my life and it can do the same to you.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@OCDUDE99 Also, as soon as you started doing the maybe maybe notit strategy, like within the first couple of hours, did it feel great, like you felt a lot better
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@dylen No it was over time it slowly got easier. It's not going to be immediate. But with meditation I feel crazy relaxed after a session.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@OCDUDE99 Lol, I felt good for a few hours but now I feel a lil bit anxious, but this technique started working greatly lol
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@dylen Just keep it up man, it'll get easier over time until you're over it.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@OCDUDE99 Like I notice I have a lot of anxiety in my groin, even without the intrusive thoughts, even the slightest touch makes it erect not to be graphic lol
Related posts
- Date posted
- 17w ago
I’ll cut a long story short… SOCD/ HOCD was one of the first themes I got when I was a teenager. The first one was health but I didn’t know that was OCD at the time. Anyway, I have had SOCD for 11 years. Sometimes it leaves me alone and it feels like I’m my own self again! Don’t get me wrong it lingers but I manage. But… IT IS BACK!!! My head is telling me that I am a lesbian and that I need to just admit it. I hate it. I have a boyfriend who I love unconditionally and this has just sprung out of a dream I had -.- I don’t want to be a lesbian! The groinal responses have always been the worst. It started when I was around 16, I woke up one morning and my brain just said ‘you’re a lesbian’, as you can imagine I freaked out, panic attack and cried. Then, my brain starts looking into my childhood… well it’s had a field day. When I was around 9 my friend showed me girls kissing on YouTube and then I suppose I got addicted to it. I then used to play on Habbo and walk up to girls and say ‘kisses’ etc. my brain is now saying that this is evidence that I’m gay. I DONT WANT TO BE A LESBIAN!!! I have no issues with gay people, I just don’t want to be gay myself. Sometimes, when the thoughts come in I don’t seem to get anxious but I get groinals and that freaks me out! I just want peace. I hate this. I get so many different themes. Now it’s this one and I just want to crawl under my duvet, sleep until they’re gone but then I end up dreaming about it!!!
- Date posted
- 16w ago
I feel awful that I keep coming on here whenever I’m down bad but oh my gosh OCD is the most painful shit that I have EVER experienced in my life and I have a physical chronic illness…. I hate to say it but I hate living right now it’s too painful… im crying as I type to the point where my stomach is hurting, I have pretty severe ocd I do have generalized anxiety and idk if that is connected with ocd but because of that I have most of the subtypes REAL EVENT OCD,POCD,ZOCD,ROCD,SOCD HARM OCD, you name it and I got it!!! a lot of also why I have have those theme is trauma growing up and involving those things^ as of right now i’m 25 and a women with the most loving boyfriend in the entire world before my ocd hit me I NEVER questioned my love and care and attraction with the love of my life I always knew I was going to marry and be with this person the rest of my life! Now with ocd it confuses me soooo much and now I think I’m gay and didn’t realize or indenial and listen I get it “don’t look for reassurance!” “It’s not the thing ocd is attacking that is the problem ocd is the actual problem!” Here’s the thing with that if I’m in a relationship and I’m gay that would mean I would have to leave that said relationship and to say that “oh yeah that stuff happens and you’ll move on” is absolutely devastating to me this is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and your telling me that iv been lying to myself this whole time or that I didn’t realize?!?!? And that sexuality can change (even though some say it can’t google says otherwise and some people have said it can’t idek anymore) and all this other BULLSHIT I can’t take it WHY?!?! why does this have to happen why can’t I just be with my love the rest of my life?!? and yes before anyone says anything I have been attracted to girls more so when I was younger watching lesbian porn liking the body’s and fantazing them sexually it stopped when I got older but I still don’t get disgusted with women who are pretty it just makes me uncomfortable because I’m with the love of my life and before I remember talking to my partner and discussing certain childhood things I experienced and we discussed that we both could be a little bi and for certain I’m (demi sexual so I don’t even really care about looks) and I truly didn’t care!! NOW I do care even with being bi because again I don’t like thinking about anyone else but my partner but I do also know my parents are homophobic and I do think about if I am gay they wouldn’t be okay with that and I also dont want to deal with that so now I sound like in indenial right?!???? I didn’t even care about labels before my ocd it just didn’t matter but now it’s effected my sex life and it’s hard for me to enjoy sex with being so confused I’m so confused I googled everything can you still have sexual fantasies with same gender but still be straight? Can you fantasize about same gender or imagine marrying them all of it !!! And non of that disgusts me it just makes me uncomfortable AGIAN only bc I just love the partner I’m with right now!!! I’m so fucking confused do I have to leave my partner and accept that I’m gay is that going to happen in the future if I get better with ocd and find out it’s been true all along?!???
- Date posted
- 11w ago
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
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