- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I had it. But I know that I don't ruminate because i try to keep myself out of the endless and harmful loop that distresses me in order to heal not because I want to suppress anything. I broke the cycle when i decided that I can't figure out my sexuality in such a stressful state. So in order to understand myself I have to make the whole situation peaceful. The only thing is that when you get to the peaceful state the thoughts won't bother you since soocd won't have control over you any longer.
- Date posted
- 4y
Sorry i thought you wrote about soocd but what i said can be applied to any type of ocd i believe.
- Date posted
- 4y
I totally have felt this way. I got stuck in a rut feeling like this non stop and it crushed me. I got past it. I finally learned how to catch myself doing this. At that time I couldn’t write down a single thing I liked about myself... I finally realized I got a doctorate, my boyfriend loves me, people laugh at my jokes , etc. But for like a year I just hated myself because of my own thoughts. It’s a cycle once it starts and can be hard some days to see through it. But you gotta tell yourself reality is humans are complex. No one is perfect. Everyone is still figuring everything out day by day bc sometimes life is just hard. I used to hate myself for ruminating because it was self destructive. Now I catch myself and realize OK it’s ok to be self critical and to reflect on things about ourselves we want to improve or modify... like eating healthy for example... it’s not helpful to sit there and tell myself I’m disgusting and going to develop all these health problems because I drink a lot of Red Bull and eat junk food.... now I’m trying to eat a little healthier and don’t sit there beating myself up over some Oreos and try to catch myself when I freak out over made up health problems. For example
- User type
- NOCD Alumni
- Date posted
- 4y
Not so much that same thought but mine is like... is this rumination or something you just actually want to think about. 🤔 🙄ocd smh
- User type
- NOCD Alumni
- Date posted
- 4y
Also just read 2nd part of your post. You're not losing yourself. You are you no matter what OCD thoughts you have. Stick with the ERP and you will have more and more moments without it being in the forefront so you can feel more joy and more like yourself.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
I am at the point where I feel like I don’t even know myself anymore and have a really hard time explaining my thoughts and feelings. The thought that no one may ever be able to help me or understand me is blazing constant in my head. I don’t know if I will truly ever be happy, the dissatisfaction I have in my life is beyond words and I try to be happy but my mind is so toxic and ungrateful. I feel that I may never understand myself. Have been dealing with extreme intrusive thoughts in regards to my relationship, if my partner is for me, if I am the reason problems come up in my relationship, if I am overly sensitive causing arguments etc. I will have constant thoughts about other people in my head although I have a partner. A hyperactive imagination of others if you will or specific individuals in my life. I have a severely low sex drive. I have also noticed recently that my partner will say things that I don’t like but can’t tell if he’s the problem or if i’m the problem. If I like my partner anymore or if I don’t, can I see him in my future or not. When I am with him I enjoy being with him but there is always a thought in the back of my head of do I just like being around him as a friend because I am lonely or if I truly love them. It’s to the point where I question leaving them or not. My only issue is that I don’t want to leave but at the same time I have trouble feeling emotionally and sexually connected. I even pick at physical imperfections that they may have which to my true beliefs does not matter I will love them otherwise. We recently have been arguing a lot and I can’t tell if I am the problem or he is but it causes me a lot of stress because I feel misunderstood and feel like he wouldn’t understand me unless he was me. It can be hard explaining OCD to him because he is one of those people who loves to self help almost like a life coach, explains to me that anxiety doesn’t exist and that I can help myself or stuff along those lines. It hurts so bad because he doesn’t understand how hard it is for someone with OCD and how him saying things like that only makes it worse and makes me want to turn away from him in a way. I want to feel like I can talk to my partner and that I know for a fact is my true belief. I pray that God will heal me of this terrible disease. I feel I have turned away from the Lord so much because of how alone and misunderstood I feel with what feels like no change. When I’m in public I’ll look at a guy and feel as though because they looked at me back they will think I like them or that I may be interested even though i’m not. I obsess in my head sometimes about real people I know that are kit my partner and have just learned to accept that but it’s still disheartening to me. I understand the concept of being with a partner and still finding other people attractive without obviously doing anything about it and I try to remind myself of that. Please someone tell me this is OCD because the thought of it not is sickening. Another thing I do is compare myself to other girls my age almost that if i’m not as pretty as them im not pretty at all. To whom ever reads this please be very mindful of how you respond because I am triggered very easily. But I am so so lost.
- Date posted
- 21w
I dont know what to do anymore. I think Ive had the 'pure O' version of OCD for more than ten years. I feel like so much of my life has been wasted from this disease. For the longest time I just tried to ignore the intrusive thoughts, and push them off as anxiety, and basically dissociated for years of my life. Feels like Ive just been on autopilot and a shell of myself for nearly 15 years. Its actually hard to even imagine of all the experiences, emotions, connections with others, and personal growth that Ive missed out on- if I do, I think it would be too much to handle. I think Ive even forgot and dont even know at this point what it is to live a normal life and experience positive emotions. Now that I sought treatment for it specifically, it feels like it's gotten worse. Like by acknowledging that part of myself, suddenly added focus just makes it more real and in the forefront now. I wonder if I am actually going insane. Will not go into details for reassurance but the thoughts just rip my soul out. Its so difficult as well because I will get random 'clarity moments' throughout the day where I feel like Ive solved something, then get completely derailed by another OCD thought stream and forget everything. It feels like Im just on a merry-go-round of hell, not going anywhere thinking I am at times.
- Date posted
- 20w
Whenever anyone starts to feel like their thoughts are less triggering or they feel a moment of happiness/ relief OCD tells you that you want the thoughts back or you actually like having the thoughts and maybe thats just the person I really am? I feel like im going insane😢
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