dropped out of school because of ocd, quit my job because of ocd. anyone almost 18 or 18+ who just dont know wtf to do with their lives bc of their ocd being so disabling?

back in october i made my first post about my specific type of ocd, how it mixes in with my day to day and how i “deal” with it. i talked about the starting point, how it gradually got worse, and then how it was going just a few months ago. i always think it’s insane how much can change in just the course of a small to a large amount of time. right now, i honestly feel like garbage. to be quite sincere i really want to give up, i’m barely holding on by a thread. and if i cut that thread, i really doubt anyone would care. i’ve never considered myself to be a suicidal person, and i still don’t consider myself that right now. it just gets to a point where it’s just, a lot to deal with. i don’t really enjoy things a lot nowadays. sure i have good days like everyone does, like today, when i was just enjoying my day without worries. but then it all comes crawling back twice as bad the following days. i take online college so i’m usually just stuck at home most of the time. but, when i do decide to actually go out and leave my house, my ocd just explodes because i have this whole routine i need to do or else i feel like i’ll contaminate wherever i end up going. i’m not going to go really deep into my compulsions because it’s hard enough to live with them, much more having to type them all out in detail. but when i go out my compulsions go from wiping down all my stuff i’m going to use after showering, to washing my clothes/cleaning the washer + dryer. i also have separate things (or two of the same thing) i use specifically in my house, and items i use when going out. such as shampoo/body wash, deodorant, lotion, hair curler, etc. as if that’s not draining enough, i also feel the need to fast a couple days prior to any plan i make because i’ve forced myself to believe i need to feel empty in order to be clean. i’m not sure if that’s my past eating disorder talking, or my ocd, but my brain can’t help but think any food in my house is utterly and completely contaminated. i’m so tired of this feeling, feeling like nothing will ever be clean again. feeling like my ocd is trapped in my childhood home. feeling that wave of diseases rushing through my veins the moment i step foot into what’s supposed to be “home”. and i’m so scared of therapy because what if i do get healed, and then everything comes rushing back the second i step into my room. i’m planning on moving somewhere far from my current house in this next coming year, so sometimes i feel like just waiting it out. but it’s insufferable when going to hangout with someone. i miss my friends, my family, and my partner. it’s crazy to me that i’m dealing with all this at the young age of 18 but, i’m sure lots of people have it way worse. i just want to find a way out, any possible way. but i keep pushing myself deeper and deeper that when i finally find a way, it will no longer exist.

i am a freshman in college and i have always struggled with depression, anxiety, and OCD. i have never received help for my OCD despite being medicated for my other two issues. i have noticed that what most of my panic stems from is my OCD and more specifically my OCD around school. i haven’t been able to get myself up for class for multiple days and im starting to panic about everything im missing and think about every little thing i have to fix. i am so behind that it makes me want to panic and i feel like i cant fix this. i just want my mind to feel normal but it feels like my whole world is falling apart all because i am feeling stuck in school. please help me i just want to feel okay but i dont know how to. i have tried doing all the assignments i can do to catch up but it isn’t enough i still feel so panicked

Am so tired I see no reason to clean no reason to try or think it’s all going to get better. My OCD, keeps telling me we are in the second great depression and we’re going to head to World War III soon. And that there’s no reason in living anymore and I should end it before I see the horrors unfold in front of me. It tells me that I am suffering enough and it’s time to let go. There’s no reason to keep suffering only to die later without any sort of fix to the situation. I cry constantly to myself about the economy about who’s in charge of the US about how I’m gonna live in such a world about how different prices were about how the older generations had it better.. And now my OCD keeps telling me that they’re the bad people. They’re the ones who should suffer. They’re the ones who did this to us. The boomers are the ones that led my generation down into this hell. And it drives me crazy. I think about it every day and it constantly repeats itself telling me that I should just let go that it’s time to let go. I’m only 18 but I’ve been worrying about the economy in the third world war since the age of 12. My psychiatrist said that I am burdened by my intelligence. And my OCD loves to torture me with it. I can’t get out of this malicious cycle of feeling OK OCD coming back giving me anxiety leading to depression. And compulsions of suicide, I just don’t think I’ll be able to live in this world. I don’t think it’s worth it and I think it’s just going to be painful. I went to an abandoned gas station that was abandoned in the early 70s. I found a Coke bottle from the 1960s halfway embedded in the dirt. It was fully intact not even a scratch on it. The glass was thick and sturdy. It looked like it can last forever. Instead of having a rapper that displayed all of the details on it all of the textures of the words in the brand and everything you needed to know was engraved into the glass itself. And you know what?? Back then that was only $.10.. now a Coke with a plastic wrapper made out of plastic in a smaller size is about 3 to 4 dollars.. I just can’t I tried to take my mind off of it, but while I’m growing in, and my OCD loves to taunt me. I can’t seem to pretend like everyone else it’s just too out in the open and my OCD, won’t let me forget. It’s like my own personal hell.