there was someone saying they were suicidal and deleted their post. please reply don't go

hey you need to talk??

@Nour04 Yeah I think so

@Anonymous please vent here i am listening

@Nour04 i just want to tell you that you matter. you have had this for so long and you never gave up. this shows how strong you are, look how far you've come! battling your own mind every single day is was harder than any other battle ever known to mankind, yet you're still here and i admire that. you don't deserve this. i won't tell you not to do it for your family or your loved ones, you deserve to live for yourself. you're a living soul and i am sure a beautiful one. it may mean nothing from a stranger on the internet but please take a moment to consider staying, even if it's just for a while longer

@Anonymous hey where did you go? i beg you to come back

@Nour04 I just want peace w myself and everything. And this world is very complicated and messed up. I am so conscious of everything and I feel alone in that way, like I don’t have relationships with anybody like me (spiritual beliefs + Ayurvedic lifestyle) and it’s not healthy to be completely alone. I lost all my family and friends in one year. I have a bf I’ve dated for over a year. I got fibromyalgia this year. I’m broke now. The way I look bothers me. I don’t have any relationships w anybody and that’s not healthy to be isolated. I’ve tried so hard to make these things better. But it’s too much pain for one person. It’s not fair I have to go through everything that I do. And I see any future for myself sucking. Who wants to live a life with no family or loved ones? I don’t want to live this life anymore and I’m so tired of feeling forced like I’m not allowed to do it, but it is my choice.

@Anonymous it is unfair. it is your life and your choice. but listen: it's hard to start fron scratch, it's hard to feel alone and isolated, it's hard to go through all of that and still decide to wake up in the morning, but you're fighting. it's not fair for you to feel like you have to survive every single day, and not live any of them. it's so hard to argue with yourself every single day. i know barely anything of your fight but i admire your strength. there's joy in small things, there's peace in beautiful landscapes, there's a soothing feeling thay washes over you when looking at the ocean or sunset. think about all the songs you'll get to hear if you stay, think about all the sunsets you'll get to absorb if you stay, think about all the flowers you'll see blooming if you stay. getting back in your feet is awful, it's a wrecking, ugly path only you can walk. mending your soul isn't easy, but it's worth it i love you, i really do i am so worried what you feel is valid, it really is and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. it's a true battle, it's a war. but you've come so far just please, try

@Nour04 Thank you

@Anonymous i am ready to listen to everything. if you want to talk elsewhere i could offer you my snap or Instagram. i am ready, you have my full attention, if you feel like talking please do

@Nour04 I don’t have socials anymore. But if I need to talk, I might message on this post later to talk

@Anonymous i am so proud of you. i am so proud! i love you, i don't know you but i do. and it's not pity, i promise i care. i am so ready for anything you need me to do, but please reach out and keep on talking here.

@Anonymous i will always be ready and waiting patiently for your return. don't feel like you have to, or like it's an additional task. just come back whenever you need it okay?

@Nour04 Okay thank you

i love you. goodnight❤

@Nour04 Hey... do you struggle with hocd ...?

@Ihateocd83 yess

@Nour04 I'm really struggling to the point I have thought thought I'm better off dead I have 2 boys and a gf. I've had this since the age of 22 before that I never questioned my sexuality before that age. I'm 38 now and last August things got so bad like I have men in my head and penises and I comment etc in my head and my mind tells me that's what I want but it feels different this time I've struggled with this so long it feels as tho I've been in denial all this time and now it's all come to a head 😔

@Ihateocd83 Guess I'm a lost case. Who's just in denial ...

@Ihateocd83 no one is a lost case! do you go to therapy?

@Nour04 I've had therapy spent over a thousand pounds on here. I'm sorry I messaged you. I was reading this thread and I thought you might be able to help 😔

@Ihateocd83 no are you kidding me don't apologize! listen, it's okay, you're not alone in this. it's exhausting i know, it gets to the point where you can't recognise yourself anymore. don't give up yet, you've battled for so long. recovery may be just around the corner. and if you ever feel suicidal you can talk to me here. i know how horrible it is, your struggle is real. it's not denial and not a lie. if it were it wouldn't have stuck around for so long. you're one of the strongest people i have met, and i greatly admire your strength. you're still here for a reason, and make it count. live for the day you'll be able to not give a damn about what this talking machine (brain) throws at you. you are loved and you matter. i love you and am concerned about you. if you need to vent further i am here!

@Nour04 That's where I'm at at the moment I don't recognise myself in the mirror. It feels like denial honestly. How can I not be gay if my mind is telling me I like penises this has only happened last August the whole penis thing at 37 ? I just don't get it it's never been this bad .... why now?

@Ihateocd83 I'm a girl but I feel the same way! Does it make you feel sick? I can't eat because it's so bad

@Ihateocd83 ocd is convincing, that's why it's so bad and debilitating

@Littleducky5 I wouldn't say it makes me feel sick .... disgusted sometimes that's what worries me aswel. I just feel like I'm surviving at the moment 😔

@Nour04 I say to myself sometimes I know it's not ocd. But I don't know if it's me talking or the ocd I don't know the difference. Sometimes I say weird stuff towards my kids in my head

@Ihateocd83 istg i understand this feeling: not knowing whether it's you or ocd anymore. it sucks i know. it feels like you've lost yourself. just remember that there's nothing lost, the person you've always been is still there and it's never changing

@Nour04 Thanks for your help 👍

well they deserve more than that and i wish i could do moree but i'm just behind a screen

@Nour04 if you ever need anything too i am here