Oh wow, now that I think about it I’ve experienced many different themes of OCD throughout my life but I’m not sure if they were extreme enough to be considered OCD. Right now I’m dealing with HOCD and it’s making me very depressed and isolated but here are some things that I’ve experienced in the past: Years ago (when I was VERY young, maybe around 10) I remember going through this phase where I was constantly washing my hands so they were clean to the point where they had that white dry skin over them and they were irritated. I also remember this one specific incident where I was making a sandwich for my younger brother and I put the bread on the bare counter. I then remembered that that was where we also put our chicken eggs and I suddenly thought “what if my brother gets salmonella?” I tried to continue making the sandwich but I started crying and threw it all away because I didn’t want to be at fault if my brother got salmonella. I truly felt awful and angry at myself because I wasted the food. Another incident (I don’t know if this could be real event OCD) was I remember a while ago some girl on social media posted an anonymous message thing where you can leave anonymous messages for her to read and for some reason (I have no idea why) I left some hurtful messages behind. A little while later, I started thinking “what if she kills herself because of them?” “What if I get blamed for it?” “What if someone hacks the anonymous messaging service and reveals that I sent them?” The guilt ate away at me for so long to the point where I messaged her and told her that it was me that sent them and I apologized. However, that was not the end of it. Two years later I remembered the incident while I was on vacation and I felt so sick and awful to the point where I felt like I didn’t deserve the happiness I felt during the trip because I did that. These feelings were very intense during a car ride but then they kind of came and went during random parts of the trip. I mainly avoid saying hurtful things to people in general because I know that if I do my brain will spiral out of control with thoughts such as “what if they hurt themselves because of what I said?” Or “what if they try to hurt or kill ME?” I don’t know if this is extreme or debilitating enough to be OCD, though.

Have you ever felt the need to hide knives because you’re scared someone might hurt you while you’re sleeping? Or have your thoughts ever tried to convince you that you have feelings for your family members? Maybe you feel like you need to tell your parents to “drive safe” every time they go somewhere, believing that it will prevent them from crashing, or that something bad will happen if you don’t. These are things I’ve experienced, but they didn’t last long, and because of that, I’m unsure if I actually have OCD, as these thoughts don’t happen frequently. I’m 17, so maybe it’s still developing, but I’m not sure. At one point, I even thought I might be a psychopath and would become a serial killer (i was analyzing my past and feelings but it went away quickly) When I was a kid, I was also scared I had a tumor and constantly needed reassurance from my parents that everything is okay, but it wasn’t as intense. Recently, I’ve been scared that ghosts would come or that a demon would possess me, or that if i open my eyes i will se my dead uncle (i was 16😂) which kept me from sleeping. Are these signs of OCD? Should I consider getting treatment? About three months ago, I had my first big obsession about possibly having OCD itself (i was scared of going crazy, of feeling like this forever, of not being perfect, of not having control), and now I’ve been struggling with HOCD for three months. But I’m scared that I don’t even have OCD, and that these thoughts might be true. It’s funny because just a few months ago, I was terrified of having OCD, but now I feel like I want to have it. I think a traumatic experience with weed might have made my OCD worse, but I’m not sure. What do you think? I also found out that my mom is also hiding knifes and that she was also obsession over sickness…

I’ve always had OCD, and for most of my life it was little things that seemed manageable at the time or something that would phase out of my head within a couple days/weeks/months. But, the older I got the more severe it became, I’d find myself collapsing deeper and deeper within my own head trying to out think the thoughts that bothered me. About a year ago I had a thought that rattled me to my core. My brothers and I were watching a movie in our mother’s room when my youngest brother turned to me to say something. His close proximity to me triggered a fleeting sexually explicit image in my head and that thought caused me to spiral. Asking questions like, “are you attracted to your minor brother? Are you attracted to minors? Are you gay? Etc.” a couple days went by and my mental stability continued to crumble until I broke down to my mother, she was understanding and we found a a psychiatrist. I got on medication and for a while everything was slowly but surely trending in a positive direction. The thoughts would still pop into my head but they were becoming more manageable. As we all know OCD and mental illness comes in waves. Currently my OCD has been pretty severe. I feel those intrusive thoughts latching on in my head and it’s been very hard to kick them. It’s gotten to the point where I find myself being uncomfortable being in close proximity with my little brother because I feel as though I am capable of harming him in any way. And the more uncomfortable I become being around him the more I find myself lashing out in anger towards the people I care about the most. Those moments of anger cause me to spiral even farther as my head fills with ideas like “what if you are capable of hurting someone or even murdering them?” There’s times where these thoughts rattle me so much that I feel like it would be better to be in prison where I couldn’t harm someone or that even being dead would be a better solution than possibly running the risk of hurting someone in my life I care about. This is about the jist of it, a majority of the OCD I have is centered around the idea that I am capable of harming my little brother physically, mentally, sexually. It’s been exhausting and it feels like there is no end in sight.

I’m hoping to get some feedback or hear if anyone else experiences similar things. Lately, I’ve been noticing a lot of repetitive behaviors and thoughts that feel hard to control. Some of those things are: - I often get this uneasy feeling, and if I don’t do certain things in a specific way, it just doesn’t feel "just right." - I have to wash my hands until it feels "just right," and if I try not to, I get a thought that something bad will happen if I don’t. - I dislike using public bathrooms and even shared bathrooms at home. - When I shower, I have to wear socks before stepping on the floor. If my feet touch the ground, I feel like I have to shower again. - I get hyper-fixated on cuts, worrying about them getting infected, and I avoid touching water or anything else to prevent bacteria, even if I can’t cover them with a bandaid. - I can’t use dishes that have just been washed because I think they haven’t been cleaned properly. Instead, I use the ones that have already been dried and stored. When I type (like on emails or texts), I’ll fix what I write over and over, trying to make it "just right." - I have a strange dislike for certain numbers (7, 4, and 6) and feel uncomfortable around them. - I also have to follow routines, like making my bed in a certain way, and I can’t stop until everything is in the right order. - I get stuck on intrusive thoughts, like needing to wash my hands repeatedly or constantly checking things (like if I turned off the stove) because I fear something bad will happen if I don’t. - I’ll even repeat things in my head, like words or phrases, to make the "just right" feeling go away. - Sometimes, I treat inanimate objects like they have feelings and worry about hurting them, even though I know it's not real. - I’ve always felt like I’m being watched, which causes a lot of distress. There’s more, but these are some of the main things. I feel like these thoughts and behaviors control a lot of my day, and I just can’t stop them even when I know they’re kind of irrational. Does this sound like it could be signs of OCD, or is it something else? Or just normal behavior?