Does anyone else have a hard time deciphering what is your own desires and wants and what is compulsions? Does anyone have tips for that? (Trigger warning, talk about hair plucking compulsions and a small mention of hair loss. If that's troubling for you to think about due to any hair loss related cercumstances just keep in mind it's mentioned in here. It's not too bad it's just my experience with it.) The best and biggest example I can think of is my picking issues. I have Trichotillomania, which is a common issue for people with OCD. So trichotillomania is compulsive hair plucking. It can be obsessive as well. I had issues for a long time where I felt like I looked like I had been going through chemo but not because I had no eyebrows, no eyelashes, a lot of hair missing on certain patches of my legs and patches of hair missing on my scalp that were small but lots of breakage in my hair where you can see I've plucked it and it's grown back and it's shorter now. So in regards to the original question, I have noticed that my issue with picking sessions isn't that I don't notice them, which I thought might be what the case was until I was doing well enough thanks to medication that I was able to stop myself after a few minutes of picking without any pain from slouching or "defeat" or interruption. It was just me making the active choice to self discipline and say stop. It's not doing any good at all. It's not worth it. And I noticed I still can't do that easily. It's only after a few minutes of picking. So I thought that mean that I wasn't noticing it happening. Which sorta, like there are times I don't notice quite that I'm picking but I know I've plucked a hair... Idk how to explain that. But I noticed that in most cases, I know I've started picking and I'm justifying it. I'm making reasons to follow, I'm saying it's a desire not a compulsion so as long as I can stop it's fine but even then sometimes I can't stop unless there are people in a room to look at me and notice me because if that's the case I'm too shy to do it. My enemy is the bathroom. If I goto the bathroom I could get stuck picking for 20 minutes before I can make an active decision to stop. Because no one can see me, others might think I'm showering, or just busy 🤣 but if I'm in the living room I wont do it more than just a little in a way that doesn't look odd or concerning. Because I know I'll be stopped. It's.. so hard. But I guess, does this happen with other compulsions to others? Are you ever in a spot where you have to be the difference between a compulsion happening or not and you can't decide if it's free will or an ocd compulsion so it's like... Hard to tell yourself that you should stop in a way you'll listen? Especially because compulsions sometimes make me a bit irrational and it's hard to remember my therapy in those moments. Especially if it's a panic attack causing it.

I'm really struggling to figure out where my OCD ends and where I begin. I’m scared of most things—not in a panicky way, but in a deep, cautious, worst-case-scenario kind of way. Example: I haaaaaaaaate my spectacles. I’d love to do Lasik, or even just wear contacts, but the idea terrifies me. I’ve heard about the tiniest risk of blindness or infection, and once that thought is in my head, it takes over. I picture the worst, and then I don’t act. TRIGGER Also Lasik involves cutting TRIGGER which petrifies me. I’m stuck between wanting change and being too afraid to make it. The same goes with wanting to travel but being scared I'll be trafficked or someone will plant something in my bag & I'll get arrested overseas. No amount of praying will fix it. Does anyone else feel like their OCD makes them freeze in everyday decisions? Like you can’t tell if you're just being practical or if it's the OCD gripping the steering wheel again? Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's not OCD but my personality, that's what I'm trying to figure out.

First off - I’m sorry, I post here a lot. My thoughts are going to be scattered because I have the adhd/ocd/executive dysfunction wombo combo. Im so embarrassed I am THIS neurodivergent. I swear my brain couldn’t pick one struggle and settle with it. I’m not making these diagnoses quirky personality traits by any means, in fact, in this post im venting about how exhausting and embarassed I am living with a brain like this on the daily. I need to hear someone’s advice please. I love hearing everyone’s advice on posts because it’s so useful, and brings me back down to reality. Everyone on here gives advice so tastefully in a way where it doesn’t feed into the self reassurance compulsion, but it’s also been thorough and constructive enough where it’s reminded me to ground myself in a healthy way. I love seeing others helping others, it soothes me. This community has been so kind, and I’m so happy I found it. I wish I could ask more, but I have so many questions I think it’d drive everyone here crazy lol. I am doing erp therapy now, and it’s been teaching me so many amazing techniques. I’ve been making progress. However, I sometimes have my moments of vunerablity. I’ve been experiencing this especially now more than ever because I am going through a breakup. He did it through text after nearly 9 months together. I’d do anything for him and love him through anything, and he broke my heart when I least expected it. I’d make his bed for him multiple times, but I haven’t done that for myself in years. I’d sit with him for hours to watch and do anything he likes, but he’d never do the same and I’d never do the same for me. I’m also at fault because I was too scared to speak up so I let a lot of disrespect slide. Why did my ocd do that? Why does ocd make me people please even when I don’t want to? Why does OCD make me care so much about things that will never effect me (like wanting validation from a random person on the street and hoping they’ll think I’m pretty enough to look at), but then when it comes to my future or positive wellbeing (like focusing on college/doing well in classes/personal hygiene/health), forces me to not care/neglect myself and those needs? I don’t understand it. Ocd makes me think everything’s a setup or a trap. I can never believe that I am fine right where I want to be. Why am I so hard on myself? Why do I even think this much? I care and feel so deeply but it becomes unhealthy so fast because ocd makes me fixate and I stay there for a while. For some reason I let this breakup define my self worth. I let it topple into the ocd fear that I will never make it in life - that I won’t be successful, I’ll never get the career I want, the love I want, or the life I want. My OCD’s version of “logic” isn’t even logical. Yes, I understand how the breakup means feelings of low self worth which will then topple into feeling bad about other things. But why has my brain been wired to think this way? Why does it seem so easy for everyone else to function normally with life but not me? Honestly this is the first time in my life where I’m dedicated to focusing on myself and learning more about myself instead of others in my life and it’s a very odd and bizarre feeling. I’m excited of course, but I’m also scared. My ocd makes me ruminate like “what if I will never make the most of this life I’ve been given”, “what if I truly have no worth and the most I will ever be in other people’s lives is a background character”, “why do I care if I’m a background character or not? I should feel guilty and ignorant for assuming everyone will automatically like me”, “are people lying to me when they call me pretty, smart or kind?”, “I need to look and sound perfect in both pictures, videos and in real life. I will never be satisfied for accepting who I am now”, and a bunch of other annoying questions. But sometimes it’s like I just can’t take the reality for what it is but at the same time, but I also acknowledge that I know this is ocd talking. This is so, so difficult. Do I make any sense with what I’m saying? Can anyone help?

I was diagnosed with OCD around the age of 6, subtype- contamination primarily. It calmed down as I got older and I assumed it had gone away, but also didn’t realize it can show up in other ways, and it still had been effecting me which I know now. I’m not 31 and I’ve been in therapy for a year and it’s helped a lot, although I sometimes get thoughts that what if some of the stuff I’m dealing with isn’t ocd and I’m exaggerating. I feel like thoughts will feel sticky and I’ll do certain compulsions but then the thought eventually vanishes if I do it a few times which makes me think maybe it’s not OCD since other people/friends I know would probably do the exact same thing. Not sure if I’m making sense, but I guess my question is if that thought comes up with anyone else? Just being unsure if something you’re doing actually is ocd or not.