- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
A family member of mine has this. Ultimately, they had to work on their fear of abandonment (understanding where it stemmed from, the trauma it caused, and understanding that jealousy is a feeling when u think someone has something that you don’t have. Ultimatly the way to combat it is to stop ruminating over it and just sitting with all the thoughts and possibilities.
- Date posted
- 4y
I deal with this as well. I found out a lot about my partners past and it hurt me so bad to know there was others (we were on and off a lot and he wasn’t the greatest) I knew always there was other girls but I never knew for sure and finding it out hurt but I’m with him and we are committed and serious. So I try to focus on that more. That if it wasn’t for any of those things then we wouldn’t be here today. I don’t know, I’m still trying though. I get super jealous and angry that anyone else got to feel anything from him that I have felt but that is life too u know? I have a past too.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Anonymous I get that. Today is a hard day with those thoughts for me. I hope us both the best. We have to remember they love us and no matter what has happened in the past, it brought us together today.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Anonymous Ikr ;( I love him sm I just keep obsessing over this past thing like it makes me jealous and also just anxious.. yk when you can’t find a reason why you have anxiety over something or it upsets you, it just does and you don’t like the truth about the past and you wanna change it but can’t. It’s like I just need reassurance and I know that sounds bad and I shouldn’t but that’s my plan today…
- Date posted
- 4y
@Jazmine_Leigh Yeah I definitely feel that. I sometimes act out a conversation I’d have with him to get an answer. I went snooping and found out a lot and we almost broke up. He told me to not mention his past again because he isn’t that person anymore. (We were on and off he wasn’t the best lol) but he’s changed so I need to appreciate that. I think asking for that reassurance will only build more dependency on it, it’s like a compulsion where we will feel better after but it will only last for so long. I feel like we have to sit with the fact that those things happened and it doesn’t reflect how they feel about us. I’m sorry ur going through this :( I love my bf so much too I’m grateful but anxiety/depression and ocd can take over sometimes but we have to remember they’re lies!!
- Date posted
- 4y
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- Date posted
- 4y
OMG REALLY? Lol do we just become best friends holy shit. Me and my bf been on and off for three years but met in high school (I’m 24) and he did stuff and I did stuff and now we’re both like wtf! He got over mine but I can’t get over his! And I understand the can’t be in the moment thing, I overthink too much if I’m good enough even since there were other girls, it makes me feel un worthy even though he literally chose me and were dating. So oooof I get that they’re enjoying the present and we live in the past thing
- Date posted
- 4y
OMG THAT WAS ME TOO!!
- Date posted
- 4y
YESSS
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- 4y
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- Date posted
- 4y
Yeah no I literally get you, I’m gonna talk to my bf today and I know Imma ask him questions but he’s used to it now where he won’t leave me cuz of it but it’s like I know it’s not good but still do it
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- 4y
@Anonymous Yeah mine did too… where he said some hurtful stuff cuz it was hours of questions
- Date posted
- 4y
:/ I fucked up and I went through his phone a month ago and I found messages of him calling me easy and that he was lonely and that’s why he was with me in the beginning of us talking again. I didn’t tell him I saw that because he already got so mad at me for snooping cuz I found out helllla shit he did before we became official… he has practically turned his whole image around for me and changed and I dug into the past and he almost left me because I broke that trust for no reason. I regret it cuz I knew he did shit and knowing for sure added more questions for me and seeing him talk down on me made me mad but again, I was very skeptical in the beginning anyway and said some awful stuff about him too since we were VERY toxic back then. I’m having trouble believing this is different this time around like hmmm is this real? Even tho it is :/ it’s so annoying. So I ruminate about if I deserve him even and if he’s with me just cuz I was his last option since the others didn’t work out. Even tho I know for a fact he just wanted to be single & have fun and probably got tired of it and came to me IDKKKK I HATE THIS LOL
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 18w
I’m gonna try to make this make sense, and any support or advice would be great. I have a beautiful girlfriend, who I’ve been dating off and on for a year. We were really rocky but got our shit figured out 4 months ago and have been strong since. I truly love this girl more than I’ve loved anyone. And I know based off the sheer amount of ocd that has come up on our relationship, that she means a lot to me. Me and her were in a friend group in 2022 and we never liked each other. However she had a sexual relationship with one of my old friends. Fast forward to now I haven’t talked to him in a long time and I don’t see it as an issue. However… I keep having this vivid flashback to him touching her some kinda way in 2022. I can’t remember exactly what happened or the details but it’s running through my head. I guess this is retroactive jealousy but it’s really almost hurting my feelings. I wish it would stop but I know ocd doesn’t work that way. I just wanna be happy with my girl and not upset at her past experiences
- Date posted
- 17w
I’ve been really struggling with Relationship OCD since I got married, and 3 years later, I’m afraid I’ve lost the love of my life. Between the Relationship OCD, the Religious OCD, and the Sexuality OCD, she couldn’t handle it anymore. Now that she left, the fog of doubt has faded, and I’m realizing how much I truly loved her all along. I just don’t understand how our minds can play such sabotaging tricks on us. And why? I don’t know what to do. I hope and pray we eventually get back together, but I know I need help. I want to do whatever I can to return to a place where she can feel loved by me, the way she did before ROCD took over. Is anyone here going through something similar? Has anyone overcome ROCD? Were you able to repair your relationship? I’d really appreciate any insight or advice. Thank you.
- Perfectionism OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- Sexual Orientation OCD
- Religion & Spirituality OCD
- Relationship OCD
- LGBTQ+ with OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 12w
New member here. I realize this Retroactive Jealousy OCD topic is not thoroughly discussed and most therapists are unfamiliar with this OCD. This is perhaps the most painful form of OCD, and most people have no idea how or why people have these irrational obsessive thoughts. Here is my story in detail. Many of you might be able to relate. 12 years ago I was a 38 years old divorced man with 2 small children. I had been divorced for 4 years, during which time a had a few relationships and had sex regularly with the women I dated. One day I met a wonderful woman and fell in love with her. She was same age as me, and similar divorce and dating experiences. Everything was perfect in the beginning just like any new relationships. 2 months into the relationship I decided that we should disclose our body count and experiences (for transparency). I was only interested in the period after our divorce because we had both been with our ex spouse for over 15 years and stuff before that was borderline pre-adult stuff. Coincidentally 6-8 for both of us. Only difference is I had 2 serious relationships and she had none. She had 1 one-nighter with a friend and a “friends with benefits” situation with 1 other guy. The rest were short 1x and 2x experiences, just like me. Granted we were both in our mid 30s so this stuff shouldn’t shock anyone. For some reason I began fixating on that 1 nighter and friend with benefits. That 1-nighter happened a few months after her divorce and was with an old guy (54) from another country. I felt sickened and kept imagining their sex act. I asked her how it was and she said she was lonely and it was a bad choice. I kept obsessing over it. Maybe she liked older men? Next I started ruminating over her Friend with Benefits which went on for 2 years. They dated briefly but she said she was never in love. Neither wanted a relationship but happens to meet up a few times a year and ended up having sex. This friend was extremely threatened once he found out about me. I felt maybe her connection with him was stronger or maybe sex was so good she couldn’t avoid him. She said no. In fact she decided to end all contact with him and he freaked out. But I felt insecure and I felt extreme pain when I thought about her having sex with these people. I thought it was very unlike her to do that. She felt I was judging her. We had our first fight. I broke up with her. Same day I regretted my actions and clearly it was my issue. I begged her for her forgiveness. I started therapy to figure out what was wrong. Clearly Retroactive Jealousy OCD was relatively unknown 12 years ago. The psychiatrist considered it a form of OCD and treated it accordingly. With the combination medication and therapy I was able to conquer it in 8 months. We got married and next month we will celebrate our 11th year wedding anniversary. But the story is not over. In March of this year I suffered a nervous breakdown, mainly due to severe. personal and professional stress. All my OCDs came back literally overnight. So now I’m being treated again and it has been very difficult. This is work in progress. I’m not out of the woods yet. I am on serotonin and therapy 3x a week. Hopefully in due time, I’ll get better…again.
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