This is a poem I did a while ago, one of the many things OCD is good it and is making you forget who you are and that's how I was feeling when I wrote this and to be honest it still resonates with me today...

I'm glad its relatable although I say that lightly because I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone. I'm still very much at a loss with my identity but I'm hoping the more ERP I do the more I can discover who I truly I'm and I hope you can too even if it seems impossible now, I know we all have the strength to beat this.

I know how you feel I've been in therapy most of my life and I still struggle everyday, I can't lie to you and say I'm where I want to be and they aren't times I don't want to end my life but I know having had a period in my life where I still had OCD but its restraints weren't that strong on me is the only thing that keeps me going through these tough times. Its possible for us to live a life we want, we deserve that.

@Tanaya So I have what I think is hocd for 17 years since the age of 22 and just last August my whole world fell apart and now it feels as tho I want to be with a man and like there penises etc and do not like women's genitals. I couldn't have loved women enough. Now it's like I'm repulsed by them sometimes It's tore my world apart and I don't know what to do. I'm thinking I'm going to have to kill myself because I don't want to be that person 😔. Any advice

@Ihateocd83 Hi sorry for the late reply, I've been away from my phone. That sounds awful to have to go through, I know right now killing yourself feels like the right choice but I urge you to keep pressing forward! Its not easy but ERP will really help with your intrusive thoughts, can I ask what complusions or rituals you do to combat the what if I'm gay thoughts? Are you in therapy if you dont mind me asking?

@Tanaya I think a lot of mine are mental. But looking away when talking to males. I don't really know for sure 😕. I've had therapy on here

@Ihateocd83 Has the therapy not helped at all? You know you can get more therapy. Hmm, mental compulsions are a hard one. What do you think would happen if you didnt look away when talking males? Also do you know when the HOCD started, was their anything that triggered it?

@Tanaya Sorry my comment is right at the bottom

You're very welcome. Its almost like you're looking at a stranger, I have alot of times where I feel separate to myself when looking at old pictures and then OCD will say I have some sort of personality disorder, it's truly a monster and I think one of the most underestimated mental illnesses out there, I say that because peoples understanding of OCD is only that some of it involves excessive washing, they dont know about the rest of it.

@Tanaya I agree very underestimated i wish i got educated on mental health in school instead of trying to learn everything i can now that im 28. Unfortunately recently ive been spiraling down the rabbit hole. But Im still kicking and punching so to speak lol. Please continue sharing your poems they help us all not feel alone 🌿.

@HiOcd Me too, mental health is so important even just to function in daily you need good mental health it definitely is something that should be taught in schools maybe that would break some of the stigma also. Thank you so much, I will do 😊

You can have perfectionism OCD but you know it's just perfectionism if its not effecting your quality of life like OCD will, it also doesnt come with the intrusive thoughts. You're right tho, it's so frustrating whenever I see someone with OCD in the media and its just about cleaning, whilst I'm not saying that isn't apart of OCD, it's so much more complex than that, even if you asked someone with contamination OCD, its not just about cleaning they dont want to be spending the majority of their time cleaning because they enjoy it. I think alot more work needs to be done even within the mental health field some professionals dont have a very good understanding of OCD and what's the best method to treat it.

@Tanaya Did you see my comment above?.... sorry

@Hope 💙 The majority of people dont know how complex OCD is as a mental illness, that's why those with it suffer for many years because the majority of therapists don't specialise in OCD and the treatment of it, its kind of like going to a person that knows nothing about cars and asking them if they can help fix your car and they pretend to know how and "fix" it and all seems well, however how many months later your car has broke down and worse off, that's the best way I can describe my therapy dealing with OCD until now none of them have really known how to deal with it and the precpections in the media dont help either because if we aren't quirky and what not then we're portrayed as psychopathic killers, you cant win.

You're very welcome! You dont have to be young for OCD to effect you in this way. I'm glad my poem spoke to you it's one of the reasons I love writing so it can help someone even just slightly ❤

I know it doesn't make it any better but you're not alone and we're always here!

Yes it probably did, are you on about the stress of moving or your OCD? Have you been keeping up with exposing yourself to triggers and not perform complusions/ritual whether mental or physical. What I've learnt having been mostly recovered from OCD at one point in my life is you have to be consistent with exposing yourself to your triggers because it's a sneaky disorder.

Hmm, I don't know if you can feel gay although I'm not a lesbian so I can't be sure but I've had HOCD and I've felt stereotypically gay but the thought of going down on a woman turned me off I could see myself doing anything else with a woman tho but its not something that gives me much anxiety anymore because I've done ERP for it and honestly I wish all my themes were that easy to treat but I caught that one early so that's why. I'm not going to give you reassurance because it's not helpful for OCD sufferers, I guess I'm just wondering what would happen if you said in your head that okay maybe I do want to be with a man, but right now I'm with my girlfriend and I want to be with her, do you think you could do that and sit with the anxiety/uncertainty of it? That's the goal you have to sit the uncertainty OCD hates, it wants you to know everything for certain but you might never know if your 100% straight or gay and to overcome OCD you have to be okay with that otherwise it will have control over you, I know that's not easy tho.

@Tanaya I don't get much anxiety anymore but I am on medication

@Ihateocd83 Okay well that's a positive.... maybe it would be helpful to write down what's causing you distress and then tackling them one at a time

That's why it might help to write things down

That's OCD playing tricks on you though, until you lean into the I'm gay feeling and accept it you will continue to feel exhausted, it's not nice but making ourselves uncomfortable is the only way we can overcome OCD, the more we say so what to it and sit with the anxiety the more power we get

@Tanaya Is this something that can happen. Everytime I mention this people go quiet 😔

@Ihateocd83 Everytime you mention what?

@Tanaya I commented above?... sorry

@Tanaya I'm desperate.... I need to get better for my boys

@Europe2018 I'm on medication 💊

@Ihateocd83 I'm sorry I don't quite understand, are you saying everytime you mention you can get better from OCD peoole go quiet? I dont really know what the other guy is talking about if I'm honest. I think with a good combination of medication and proper therapy you will get better, but you have to learn to sit with that I'm gay feeling, letting it come and eventually it will subside, the more you try to reason with OCD the more irrational it will get, you also cant argue logic with it either that's what makes it so different to other mental illness, most people with OCD know their thoughts are irrational and not true but it doesnt mean we dont get that awful anxious feeling.

@Tanaya What other guy ?... I mean when I mention being attracted to men's genitals?

@Europe2018 Medication can't get rid of OCD, it helps with the anxiety that comes with it but you have to do the rest of the work that is the only way you can get rid of it or atleast get to a point where it doesnt control your life, that's also why alot of OCD suffers kill themselves, they never get the proper treatment. I don't know what your sources are on their being two types of OCD? Professionals still don't know if its environmental or something you are naturally predisposed to or born with. Also either way, it doesn't matter how its developed neither way makes one more real than the other, what's most important is recovering. Please be careful spreading misinformation like this, theres already so many stereotypes on OCD out there as it is it doesnt help people from the OCD community adding to that also.

@Ihateocd83 I'm on about the guy in this thread, his making no sense, not you. Okay, so when you say attracted to mens genitals do you mean sexually or is it just your OCD making you think that because you seen another mans gentials and had a gronial response? Even so being attracted to someone and actually wanting to have sex with them are two different things, for example I've found many women attractive and I dont want to have sex with them.

@Europe2018 You stated it as a fact, which is how it very well comes off, now if you would've said in my opinion in the first place I wouldn't be too concerned with your statement. Also your opinion comes off way more subjective than mine, I never claimed to know either way. I'm calling it misinformation because it is just that, no one knows yet if OCD is caused by environmental factors or you can be born with it. I've also never heard of two types of OCD and one being the real one, if you'd like to provide reliable sources on that I'd be happy to educate myself.

@Tanaya Well I hope its my ocd but I can't be sure it feels reals of I've never had this before before only since last August and feels as tho I want to be with a man

@Tanaya I commented below not underneath this

@Ihateocd83 You're never going to be sure so you have to let go of that otherwise OCD is still going to have control over you unfortunately.

@Europe2018 Its actually good to have a curious mind, the trick is to not obsesse over things you research, hence why ERP is a good treatment for OCD, it teaches you that you dont have to avoid things just because it triggers your OCD, the goal is to sit with the triggers and anxiety until you become less bothered. If humans didn't have curious minds we'd have no scientists and what not and probably wouldn't have survived for as long as we have. The curious mind and internet isn't the problem the OCD is.

@Tanaya With the genitals thing you mean ? ...

@Ihateocd83 Yes, that's what I was referring to. Is it a feeling coming from you or OCD

@Tanaya I have no idea. I have never thought of men's genitals like this before this is something that happened last August while I was watching porn. So I have this and the feeling I want to be with a man. I just don't know who I am anymore 😔

@Tanaya I don't even know if false attraction to genitals is a thing