I cant breath and live like This, a week ago or something i was in vacation in Montenegro, we stayed in a hotel but had to switch hotel the last days. When it was getting time to eat (the clock was around 8 not in the morning but midnight) i didnt Know what to wear, my mom said that i could wear the dress i had, When i wore the dress i kept kinda asking mom if i should really wear This cause i wanted my mom to decide. And thats because i was scared that if i wore the dress i would do something to any kids out there, it sounds really dumb ik but my brain had their own reasons, pretty much because of the dress i wore. I was feeling anxious but i just wore it and we got out of our room. We took the elevator downstairs and went to the dining place. We picked what we were gonna eat and took them With us to the table, the thing is When we sat down i still havent picked something to drink so i took my cup and went to those machines. Now This is what im constanly worrying and thinking about. When i poured the cola on my cup i went back to my seat (atleast i hope so) and sat down, not Even minutes passed and i already thought «what if i did something to a kid when i was gonna Get something to drink» i just decided to not think about it but then i thought «what if the reason im not going to think about it is because i actually did it and had no problem With it like it isnt a big deal for me» so i kinda panicked inside me and asked my mom how long did it take for me to Get something to drink and come back, basically i dont think she likes When i Ask things like that because she Know why i do it. I think she went like «wth Are u talking about? U literally just walked away and came back» so i think she meant it didnt Even take 2/3 minutes. Later that night i couldnt stop worrying. The next day was actually the day we were going to leave montenegro and When we were about to go out i was thinking what if the Childs socks or anything Are in the counters and is the proof that i have done something but we didnt have time to stay in the room anymore so we took the condo and left. Right now im in belgium and i cant trust myself anymore. I dont want to live With a fact that i have hurt someone like that. My mom thinks its really ridicilous if i Ask her about This. I cant deal With things anymore what if i actually have done something like that, i literally just want to die at This point im still anxious over This.

I'm at my college and don't feel like being here. I didn't even want to come here. I woke up with anxiety bc i feel like i need to solve this. I had a bad stomach ache when i arrived to school and still havent even eaten breakfast yet bc i feel like i have to solve this. Im just so worried bc i have harm thoughts daily. If i could i would remove this! I dont want to think anymore. Its just, how do I know i dont have real urges when I'm feeling a negative emotion like anger or disappointment or annoyance? Im worried EVERY time i feel a negative emotion. Yesterday I was playing video games with my neice (we are close in age range) and she made us lose. She started blaming me and I guess i felt a little annoyed, it really wasnt my fault (dumb mini argument it was more playful since we started laughing but it was a bit annoying). Anyway i got a harm thought while feeling annoyed of me getting off the couch and lunging at her to attack. I immediately look at my bodily reaction and I tense up to stay as still as possible. My stomach was hurting and i wanted to leave as fast as possible. I stood up and turned off the game and said i was tired while making sure to stay back from her (and i had my hands away and stiff) but i felt so uneasy. I laid I bed and felt sad and heavy. And i kept getting thoughts that said "íts only a matter of time before you can't take it anymore". I started to reassurance seek using ai to ask if i was about to or if they are real urges or thoughts i mean until i eventually fell asleep in the middle of the compulsion. Im just so worried, what if I act out impulsevly one day? I dont want to! But what if when feeling a negative emotion, i suddenly dont care and do something? I really dont want to! I dont even want to feel negative emotions anymore since they trigger the thoughts and I dont want to think about any of that. As a result i tend to avoid my family as much as possible bc they are annoying sometimes. I just wish i was all alone sometimes so i wont get any more thoughts and so everyone can be safe. I usually just stay in bed under my blankets all day long to avoid my family and pets. I am constantly uncomfortable. I miss when i would never think any of this. Living life has become very scary for me now. 😞

I am so scared of everything .Of my thoughts.If I am a good person.Years ago I didnt help a kid who was in danger.Since then I started to have terrible thoughts :( i am so terrified.I still have these thoughts and I am scared it means something about me .I really dont want to hurt anyone and I want to help that kid now but idk how I can now.Also I am scared I betray everyone.I still have terrible thoughts and when I am with someone I care is worse...idk why.For example I started to talk with a collegue and he is really nice to me.I told him some things abt me( not the intrusive thoughts) and he was supportive.I have no idea if I will tell anyone abt my thoughts..and bcs of that I feel like I lie to them and betray them.I really want to enjoy my life and be happy and support people( especially because I didnt help that kid then).I want to live up to my morals now but I feel like I lie and manipulate people bcs I am a monster.Is this normal? To feel this way? What can I do? What if I am my worst fear and just cant accept it?!

A couple of days ago I felt asleep on the coach, and it was 12:50 am when I woke up, so I had to go to my room which is in the other floor (my room is in the first floor and the living room is in the second floor, the architecture is weird but my house is a duplex apartment), in order to go to my room I had to walk through the hallway and my 12-year old brother’s room is nearby, so I felt a lot of anxiety and I was recording a video as proof that I didn’t do anything wrong, the problem is my video wasn’t sent, so I didn’t have proof, reassurance, but I still went downstairs to get to my room, I don’t know what to do, frankly I don’t wanna continue, please can someone help me, I think this is false memory ocd and sexual ocd, but please please help me, I can’t do this anymore, I can’t study I can’t focus on Anything else but this, and my mind really thinks I have done something to my brother, that I have raped him or that I have sexually abused him, I seriously can’t stop thinking about that, and whenever I focus on something else, my mind tells me that I shouldn’t focus on anything else because how can I? “If you rape your little brother you shouldn’t focus on something else” and my mind also thinks that I shouldn’t stop thinking about this because If I stopped my memories could become blurry or could seem like very far away memories, and I wanna have clear memories. Please please help me , I honestly don’t wanna go on, don’t wanna live anymore. I live in Peru, so there are not many expert therapists about ocd or false memory/ sexual ocd, please help