I had a really bad thought when last night about this little girl. I know it was intrusive but it was sexual in nature. It was something like, when she grows up she’s gonna have a nice butt or something. And I started panicking. I don’t wanna think that. I’m not a pedophile. I am not attracted to kids, I know this. But what if the thought is true? What if I really saw her and thought that? I’m in such distress right now. What if I really thought she had a nice butt??? And was gonna grow up to have a nice one?? I know this is probably OCD, but what if I really think that? The more I analyze it, the more I’m like, well yeah for a little girl maybe she did? And it is sending me into an even further panic. Im not sure what to do. Any advice?

I was just out a few minutes ago and I saw this 9 year old kid, I felt what I hope is false attraction, idk if it was or not, I don’t understand what I felt, but I felt a need to look away but also a need to look to check if I was attracted or not, when I looked it genuinely felt like I was attracted, idk what’s happening but I don’t wanna be attracted to a kid, I’m convinced I’m a pedo bc of the amount of times something like this happened, I don’t know what this means, but I’m worried it’s not pocd, I’ve never gotten a diagnosis, but many ppl online said I did and I should see a therapist, i don’t know if I liked the feeling or not, but it made me have a feeling in my chest, similar to attraction, I’ve been trying to pursue a relationship with a girl my age, but this just feels so real, I don’t know if it was false attraction or not, It felt so genuine, now that I left, the feeling kind of dissapeared, but it felt like I was genuinely attracted to that, I can’t be attracted to that, I don’t want to be attracted to that, I think I’m just a pedo in denial, I feel like I’m writing all of this to try to convince myself I’m not a pedo even though I am, this feeling only happens sometimes when I see a female kid, Idk if it means something or not, but I don’t think it’s pocd, it feels too real for me, it feels like I’m actually liking kids, I really hope it’s false attraction. I don’t wanna be a pedo, I wanna be able to have a relationship with a girl my age. I don’t understand what’s happening, please help me. I can’t tell if this is pedophilia or ocd anymore. Edit: main thing is the feelings not the thoughts because it feels like genuine attraction, I also get urges to not look but to look at the same time, for me it’s mainly the feelings, they feel so real when I think abt it now I’m still getting those feelings, I’m so convinced that I’m actually attracted. It felt like real enjoyment, so I’m worried that I am a pedo bc of those feelings, I feel like I’m not able to pursue a relationship with someone my age. But this can’t have been ocd it feels to genuine, it felt like actual enjoyment.

TW! please someone comment When I was 12 or 13 I used to babysit a little girl, she had a habit of keeping her hand in her diaper and was always touching herself, there was one point I was changing her diaper and noticed she was really red. I had separated her private parts and checked the inner area for signs of infection. She was okay, just some really really bad diaper rash. I know this is what happened yet my brain is trying to convince me that I hurt her, and that I wanted to do it, I know I would never hurt a child but with all the anxiety I feel when I think about it I'm starting to wonder if I did do it because I wanted to hurt her, I don't wanna be a p, I don't wanna hurt innocent children, I used to never have these thoughts but now I do and I'm so scared to tell my therapist as she hasn't diagnosed me with ocd yet. I don't want her to think I'm a p nor do I wanna hurt kids, but my brain keeps telling me that I do and that I'm just lying to myself and everyone around me, ik I would never do something that could harm a child but I keep getting these thoughts and their inappropriate and I just want them to stop, does anyone have any tips on how to help myself? I keep turning to my boyfriend for reassurance but ik that that's just a quick fix and that ill be spiraling about it again.Please help

Im 16 years old and female and up until very late last year and this year I’ve been having thought almost every day that I’m a pedophile or that I’m sexually attracted to or want a romantic relationship with child. I don’t know how to explain it and I don’t want judgment because I’m genuinely so scared and disgusted, but anytime I’m around children I feel my chest tighten, my body feels warm and it feels like I don’t know how to breathe. I sometimes get a groomer response but even then I don’t know if it’s a ground response or not. Also I tend to stare at children when I’m anywhere near them, I feel like if I don’t I’m a weirdo and if I don’t look at them it means I’m attracted to them which I guess could be POCD but I feel like I stare at them inappropriately. Not too long ago maybe three weeks ago I went to the park with my family and there were two girls in their swim suits and I was looking at their backsides and I felt really anxious and scared like I usually do but I felt so upset by looking at them that way and now I’m scared to go to pools or splash pads because every time I do I feel like I stare at them gross and I just feel so disgusted with myself. When I tell myself not to look I end up looking and then I stare. I feel better when I’m not around them but even then, I look back at what I saw earlier that day and I feel anxious again and then I look up what’s been happening and then I feel more worried it’s not OCD. My friends who have OCD say I might have it but I can’t get a therapist, I can’t talk to anyone I’m scared I’ll be put in jail and that I’m not a good person. I’ve never head thoughts like this until this year and near the end of last year and they come now? I don’t know what to do.